why is my happiness so temporary lately?
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@jessiicajoyce
why is my happiness so temporary lately?

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Bittersweet
Bittersweet is such a strange feeling and emotion to be going through. It’s like I’m so glad that I get to watch the people I went through the nursing program be taking the NCLEX and passing so that they can finally call themselves an official nurse, that’s so fucking exciting, we worked so hard to get there. However, at the same time, here I am.... watching them move on without me. I’m supposed to be where they are but I had one minor set back and honestly, I never thought that I would be where I’m at in life. I never thought I could be what I am. I never thought of myself to... fail a class? I thought that I was so much better than that, I had so much higher expectations of myself than that. But... I did. And having to live with that for the rest of life is just so hard, having to know that I... did what I thought I’d never do just really sucks. It took such a huge dent in my confidence in so many aspects in my life. I doubt myself in so many ways - in my nursing judgement, in the way I present myself and that’s so dangerous. Having to know that I have to live with this for the rest of my life and it’s nobody’s fault but MYSELF. I know this is a self-defeating cycle and I just need to find a way to pick myself up and move on but my god, it’s just so hard. “You’re strong, Jessica.” “Trust in God’s plan.” “It helped you figure out you want to be a maternity nurse.” I’m so tired of all the cliches... when will I figure out what good there was to come out of this... but for myself. I don’t want to have to rely on everyone else’s support for the rest of my life. I feel like I’ve been given the shitty end of the stick my entire life... why do bad things happen to good people? Can someone answer me that? Because honestly, I feel like for the rest of my life, I’ll constantly be questioning if I’ll ever get anything good in my life. Yeah - don’t get me wrong... I have amazing people in my life who constantly support me and love me - my family, my friends, my boyfriend (who my God, I don’t know what I did to deserve him) or anyone in my life in that case... my coworkers, my teachers, my mentors. But as I said... when will I stop having to rely on everyone around me to support me. When will I be able to be an independent person. When will I actually be able to believe in myself? When will I actually be able to see myself for what I really am because apparently I’m this girl who’s capable of doing such amazing things but I don’t fucking see it. I just see this damaged girl who’s just trying to do her best. And what makes it even worse..... is that... sometimes I hate how good I’ve gotten at pretending I’m okay. Put on a smile and show the world you’re okay, right? Welp, if you made it this far in my rant, congratulations. I’m a mess, but who isn’t these days.
I just wanna cry and I don’t even know why
I’m happy, but I’m still stuck waiting for the next curveball.
mbti - who they need in their life.
INTJ, INTP - Someone who can bring warmth to their coldness, light to their darkness, happiness to their depression, but also someone who understands how important the cold, the dark, and the depression is to them.
ENTJ, ESTJ - Someone who can challenge them, keep them entertained and interested yet keep them in their place.
INFP, ISFP - Someone who understands how complicated and simple they are, someone who doesn’t try to fix them or makes sense of them but just embraces them.
ENFP - Someone who takes everything they aspire to be and help them make it a reality, someone who makes them understand that dreams are great but accomplishments are better. Someone who acts like a mirror to them, makes sure they don’t go off the tracks yet, enjoys getting lost within them.
INFJ, ENFJ - Someone who makes them smile without hiding a frown within, someone who brings out the real them no matter how difficult
ESTP, ISTP, , ESFP - Someone who can ride with them to no place in specific yet always knows where to go when things get too overwhelming
ISTJ - Someone who makes them read beyond the words and helps them see beyond the facts and the rules, someone who adds paint to their canvas
ENTP - Someone who takes all the hate and highlights all the positives, someone who is able to truly talk to them and challenge them
ISFJ, ESFJ - Someone who doesn’t need help from them, someone who helps them find what they want for themselves

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what if we’re not meant to be and we’re just forcing this dream into reality?
Close your eyes and listen
I wish this video was 6 hours long
this is literally my favorite video ive ever seen on tumblr
…it’s hypnotic…
ALSO- I’m glad this is my second most successful tumblr post. A little background about this video: I took it the day there was the nuclear missile threat while I was on Oahu. That morning, I thought it was my last day on earth and I was about to meet my impending death by nuclear missile. After the island was notified that the alert was actually false (mind you it also took them THIRTY-EIGHT minutes to tell us it was fake) my friends and I drove to Costco, bought a bunch of snacks and fruits, and spent the entire day at this beach. We didn’t talk much, as the concept of life and death was all across our minds. I swam in the water during the sunset, and had just gotten out to record the last light rays that remained. This video reminds me how precious life is and how I will always remember that feeling

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Happiness.
I honestly never thought that I could find happiness after my ex, after losing love I thought I was going to be forever broken. Little did I know, I would find someone who makes me extremely happy. I’m really happy and it’s all because of you.
123117
I haven’t been this happy in a very long time and it’s taken me by such a surprise.
wow the end of my 2017 took a turn
Have you ever seen a beach made of rainbows? 🌈 | iwwm

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what sucks is being home and it feeling like a foreign place. being with famliy but them feeling like strangers to you. wanting to spend time with them and wanting it to be like old times but knowing that those old times are gone.
empty and alone.