so bored

Imagine Guy Fieri as Gatsby, and calling you “Pulled Pork” instead of “Old Sport.”

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne on ceaselessly into Flavortown

Putting potato chips on a sandwich with the other ingredients so you get a cronch is absolute the only righteous way to live

hey what the fuck

Stop being afraid to live deliciously

why did the fray go off so hard in how to save a life?

So we could cry when they lose patients on doctor shows

rainbow road is so hard bc it symbolizes the struggle of the lgbt+ community. in this essay i will be-

yesterday I almost crashed on the tollway because I saw a man driving and just taking a bite out of a whole, unpeeled grapefruit. it was a hateful act.

I don’t believe aliens are hiding among us but that man was without a doubt an alien

bro its beddy-bye. its nighty-night, dude

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed