Jess_:)

Barry Allen debería tener las piernas más absurdamente atléticas de toda la Liga de la Justicia.

No, no estoy diciendo “ay qué guapo Flash”. NO. ESTOY HABLANDO DE COHERENCIA FÍSICA.

El hombre:

— corre a velocidades imposibles,

— frena en seco,

— arrastra personas mientras corre,

— crea tornados,

— quema calorías como agujero negro cósmico,

— vive comiendo pizza, hamburguesas y donas,

— y además trabaja sentado como científico forense.

¿Y me quieren decir que tiene el mismo cuerpo genérico de “superhéroe musculoso cuadrado” que medio DC?

NO.

Ese hombre debería tener:

piernas de infarto,

músculos sobre músculos,

core de velocista olímpico mutante,

y unas costuras de pantalón luchando por su vida.

[{SOLO MIRA LAS PIERNAS DE LOS CORREDORES OLÍMPICOS}]

Y lo peor:

Barry NO debería darse cuenta.

NUNCA.

Wally West SABE que tiene piernas increíbles. Wally PRESUME.

Barry no.

Barry se pondría unos shorts rojos porque “se ven cómodos 😀” mientras Iris está teniendo una crisis nerviosa intentando evitar que Central City descubra accidentalmente que Flash y Barry Allen comparten exactamente las mismas piernas demoníacas.

Estoy 100% segura de que Iris:

— le compra pantalones más grandes,

— le esconde shorts,

— le administra cinturones,

— y ya desarrolló trauma textil avanzado.

Mientras Barry sigue preguntándose:

“qué rara es la calidad de la ropa últimamente 🙂”

Y ni siquiera es vanidad.

Ese hombre genuinamente no entiende cómo se ve.

Él puede:

— discutir física avanzada con Batman,

— corregir teorías científicas,

— salvar el multiverso,

— viajar en el tiempo.

Pero no puede entender por qué mágicamente TODOS sus pantalones explotan.

Las verdaderas víctimas de la Speed Force no son las líneas temporales.

SON LAS COSTURAS.

°•°

Además, necesito que hablemos del hecho de que DC literalmente sexualiza a TODO EL MUNDO MENOS AL VELOCISTA.

Nightwing:

“miren su trasero.”

Batman:

“miren sus músculos.”

Superman:

“miren este dios griego kryptoniano.”

Hal Jordan:

“miren estos hombros de piloto militar.”

Shazam:

“miren este cuerpo mágico divino.”

PERO FLASH.

EL HOMBRE CUYO PODER COMPLETO DEPENDE DE SUS PIERNAS.

“sí, hazlo musculoso genérico 👍”

¿PERDÓN?

Dick Grayson es un acróbata increíble, sí.

Sus piernas y glúteos exagerados tienen lógica interna.

PERO BARRY ALLEN CORRE A VELOCIDADES QUE ROMPEN LA FÍSICA.

Ese hombre debería tener:

— cuádriceps asesinos,

— glúteos capaces de impulsar cohetes,

— pantorrillas que dan miedo,

— un core tan fuerte que probablemente soporte terremotos,

— y un torso compacto de velocista olímpico poseído por la Speed Force.

Y NO.

LO HACEN OTRO RECTÁNGULO MUSCULOSO DE DC.

ES MÁS.

Lo más criminal del universo DC es que puedes ponerle el traje de Flash a Shazam y apenas notas diferencia física 😭

Y eso NO debería pasar.

Shazam tiene sentido como:

“hombre mágico divino cuadrado construido por poderes míticos.”

Barry NO debería verse así.

Barry debería verse:

más dinámico,

más explosivo,

más especializado,

más construido alrededor de movimiento.

Pero no.

Le dieron:

“hombre musculoso rojo con rayitos.”

Y lo PEOR es que cuando hacen genderbend de Barry, DE REPENTE SÍ SABEN.

[{SÉ QUE NO ES EXACTAMENTE BARRY (creo que sí es) PERO O SEA MIREN LAS PIERNAS O SEA… ADEMÁS ES VELOCISTA}]

AHÍ sí le ponen:

— piernas de diosa velocista,

— muslos poderosos,

— caderas atléticas,

— silueta de corredor imposible.

AHHHHHH ENTONCES SÍ ENTIENDEN CÓMO FUNCIONA FLASH 😭⚡

Y mientras tanto Barry en canon:

— rompiendo pantalones,

— destruyendo costuras,

— usando cinturones porque necesita tallas más grandes,

— viviendo con metabolismo de agujero negro,

— y completamente inconsciente de que parece atleta olímpico mutante.

According to The Flash (1959)/Vol 1 #309 (May 1982), today, April 23rd, at precisely 6:14 PM, was the day that Barry Allen, simple Midwestern police scientist, was struck by lightning, thrown against a bunch of super-electrified chemicals, and transformed into The Fastest Man Alive...The Flash!

Ooh, that looks like it hurt....

Who wants their CSI extra crispy?

Note: The Super DC Calendar 1976 placed this event (minus the time) on October 23rd. This, like the comic reference above, is a Pre-Crisis date. Considering that: A. The comic came later.

B. The calendar creators may not have read the earlier comic

C. The calendar could only fit one thing per day and might have swapped dates even if they did know.

It's unfortunately not very nice. I generally don't like the fanon characterization of Batman or Superman, because people make Clark too much of a trusting good boy golden retriever wet towel as if he isn't a person fundamentally isolated from humanity with a strong ideological backbone and the ability to speak his mind, and they make Bruce a xenophobic lonely abusive tortured power fantasy icon robbed of all hope as if he isn't the character with the most faith in humanity, the most hope for the future, the most social connections, and one of Superman's oldest friends.

And my problem with so much of Bruce's fanon characterization isn't so much that it's OOC, but just that it isn't treated as something to be critical of at all. People do not treat Batman's character flaws as flaws. They treat everything he does as justified because he exists on a pedestal of humanity and "objectively correct cynicism" about the world. Everything fanon Batman does in his relationship with Superman is justified because of his inherent humanity and his "ability to see the world correctly" and his "fear of the other" being framed as rational. In contrast, Superman's overblown fanon idealism is flattened into stupid naivete and the inability to defend himself either physically or verbally against Batman.

Every fic with Batman is one elaborate power fantasy to justify why he's the better hero. Every "funny" threat he makes to his best friend about keeping a weapon that could kill him goes unchallenged because Superman only exists in these fics to stroke Batman's ego and prove how strong he is. Every camera he puts in his boyfriend's apartment, and every moment he stalks him between work and home, and every background check he runs, and every violation of privacy he commits is supposed to show how right he is to be wary of things outside the norm—because Clark is secretly "other" after all, and so this somehow makes everything Bruce does to him okay. Every exchange between the two of them is meant to highlight how much more tortured and justified and smart and "real" Batman is compared to Superman, as if Clark himself is not a super genius alien whose entire planet died, and who was raised to be far more in tune with the world's actual struggles than Batman was.

You can't go two steps in the Superbat fandom without running into how awesome the Batkids are and how all the other heroes are just so impressed by them. You can't go two steps without encountering Batman's ridiculous fanon "no metas in gotham" nonsense that is somehow always justified by the narrative and which never goes unchallenged. Even by Superman. You can't go two steps without getting hit in the face with the fact that Batman is apparently the only person in the world who has suffered tragedy. You can't go two steps without encountering some absurd double standard where Batman can always feel betrayed by Clark lying to him but Clark can never feel betrayed by Bruce. You can't go two steps without a fic sucking Batman's dick so hard they flatten one of the most iconic characters ever made in comics just to show how complex and angsty and powerful and amazing their specialist little white rich surveillance state boy is.

Creators do not owe anyone content. Do not ask writers when they will update.

If an author did not ask for criticism , do not give criticism.

Read the tags carefully before reading a fanfic.

If you ignored the tags and were upset, that is your responsibility, not the creator’s.

Disliking a ship does NOT give you the right to attack people who enjoy it.

Do not tell authors or shippers that their ship is “disgusting,” “wrong,” or “shouldn’t exist.” Shipping fictional characters is not a moral failing.

No one is obligated to justify why they ship two fictional characters.

Headcanons are PERSONAL interpretations, not universal truth.

Dark themes in fiction do not equal real life beliefs or intentions.

Leaving kudos or short positive comments genuinely matters.

Not every fanwork is made for you, and that is okay.

Scrolling past content you dislike is better than engaging negatively

Enjoying a fandom later than others does not make someone less of a fan.

Omega! Barry Allen

Headcanons of Barry Allen as an omega in the universe of the omegaverse >^<

- his pheromones smell like a mix of lightning and rain. like the smell of the end of a thunderstorm

- as the flash he needs to suppress his scent, since when ever he runs he expels pheromones at a faster rate.

- he mainly wears scent patches when out as flash since his metabolism burns through any type of suppressants in minutes.

- due to how much stress he was put under during his childhood he ended up presenting very early.

- because of the way his internal functions are sped up, the period between his heats are shorter then a normal omegas heat.

😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN YELL AT ME ABOUT THEM ANYTIME

And SAMMMME. Barry and Wally, ouggghhhh. I love them so much, they're so special to me ;; Probably my most favorite father-son dynamic ever as far as I know, I am gently holding them in my hands lovingly rn as we speak.

Barry, who didn't ever mention really wanting kids before meeting Wally (he loves them and he's absolutely fantastic with them, it just wasn't a big deal whether he personally had his own or not). He then sees Wally get hit by the same lightning that gave him his powers and IMMEDIATELY goes Instant Dad Mode (tm). Literally took Wally out to play fetch after knowing Wally for like. An hour, I think at most??? Asjgfhkslsj All the Flashfam men just take one look at each other and go "Welp, you're my son now".

Barry also being among the first to lay a hand on Wally's shoulder tell him he's more than enough, that he's the better Flash and how he respects him as a equal and is just so, so proud of him right out of the gate makes me Feel Too Many Things. Especially after Wally's solo arc where he deals with his crippling identity issues and goes the longest time with barely any support from anybody.

If you want to go extra insane, you can also consider how since Barry is the Speed Force, there's a chance he subconsciously caused the lightning bolt to hit Wally and give him powers so he would have someone else like him ;u;

Also when Barry's love for Wally LITERALLY brought him back to life????? Y e a h

Oh and don't even think for a minute about how Wally was killed in Heroes In Crisis, Barry threw himself into the Speed Force alone desperately screaming and searching for Wally, DESPITE Barry literally stating in previous issues that you run the risk of being assimilated by the Speed Force if you're in there alone ;;

Barry is so Ride-or-Die for Wally, everyone should honestly be really kind of terrified actually, tbh. Barry has strict rules for himself, lines he never EVER wants to cross and it takes hell and high water to push him to that point, but if Wally's the one in danger? ALL of that immediately goes out the window. There is no line Barry wouldn't cross for Wally, Barry's even legitimately killed for Wally's sake before! Knight Terrors showed that Barry is aware on some level deep down that there is literally nothing he wouldn't do for Wally and how even his own subconscious is unnerved by this. And of course, Wally is also just as unhinged about Barry as well! Barry was such a rock for Wally growing up, he was more Wally's father than Rudy could ever even dream to be. Unfortunately, when Barry died, it left such a massive hole, one that Wally would spend over a decade of his life trying and repeatedly failing to fill. He tried so hard to live up to the image of Barry, not just in his mind but in everyone's else's, and he's carried that immense guilt which festered for so long and was only worsened by practically everyone around him telling him he was a pathetic replacement and didn't live up to the "real" Flash. This guilt somewhere along the way became mixed with something of a resentment, resentment for who he wasn't, that he couldn't add up. This plus his deep-seated self loathing issues made it a lot easier to project all of these feelings onto Barry then actually deal with his own repressed trauma. Flash forward to Flashpoint and Wally is there briefly when Barry accidently absorbs all the other speedsters back into the Speed Force and I can't imagine how honestly kind of terrifying that would be. I really like to hc that Wally still feels that tingle of fear around Barry, not knowing if it could spontaneously happen again and rip him away into non-existence.

the flash’s downright refusal to sit in a seat like a normal person is so relatable, honestly