I often find myself wondering how one finds their voice about how hard a time they are having when times are so tumultuous for so many and in far worse ways. I have to make myself remember, it's not about having it worse or better... our respective perceptions in how we experience our circumstances are all unique, even if the situation itself is not. In sharing these experiences, we can hope to find people who can sympathize (if not empathize) with us and hopefully lessen our collective emotional burdens. While having strong emotional support is integral to every person's well-being, it does not change the truth that at some age as adults, we must become our own foundations. A rising tide lifts all ships, as is often said, but I feel it can be expound upon further. I feel the rising tide is collective perception and awareness, for we are our individual vessels. This is a long way to say I'm going to take my own advice and share what I have been experiencing...
My father and I have been getting through each month as benefactors of a tremendous amount of goodwill from others. The most tangible form of this has been from our new neighbor. The three of us have all been having our own respective times of things, but it hasn't stopped us from helping each other when we are able. However, now, an uncertainty has cropped up. Whether it will come to pass or not, I would be unable to say definitively. This uncertainty is in my father's social security and my federal disability. For those not in the US reading this, the short is; with the amount of government layoffs that have been happening, as soon as next month, SSA checks may be delayed, or possibly be unable to be sent altogether. The uncertainty of this is eating away at me severely, and I find myself paralyzed from fear. Questioning many things about my own mental, physical, spritual, and physiological fortitude for the upcoming month(s) until the issue is finally put to rest in one way or another. I find myself unable to even make a plan in this current situation, and that scares me. Because even if my plans may ultimately fail, I am still able to make them. Instead, I find myself in a type of psychologic doldrum, waiting for any sort of current or wind to take me anywhere else... anywhere else. At this point, I'm certain a number of people have taken note that over all the posts I have made over social media, I've never really mentioned politics, and that won't be changing. My media are a means to socialize with friends, family, and fans. They are not a platform for pushing ideologies on world shaping matters. While I don't shy away from these topics, I know there is a time and place for them, and I don't want these to be them. This is the closest I've ever come to broaching this subject, and I only do so now because I'd not be able to convey my current distress without doing so. I certainly hope I'll not have to walk such a fine line in a post again. Nonetheless, thank you for taking the time to read my brain salad, and one more thing...
I hope those who read this will feel inspired to share as well, no matter if it's positive or negative. Remember, you may be your own vessel. But the tears of joy and sorrow, laughter and grief, celebration and mourning... these are what raise the tide to lift us all! Be kind to yourself, be respectful of others, and be firm in your boundaries. Things may not always go as we hope and rarely as we expect; but at the end of the day, through a vast universe of seemingly endless possibility and happen-chance, we are still here.
