Jerobertsthoughts

Forgive my voice

For whispering the words

I dare not to say to you out loud

For rising in the heat of the moment

While I try to express myself to you

Forgive my voice

For cracking under the pressure I feel

To be truly heard by you

To have my feelings validated for once

And relieve me of my fears

Forgive my voice

For trembling when my thoughts

Couldn't translate into the words I wanted to say.

Because of the fright I felt for being brutally honest

In hopes that you'll hear me and not just react

Forgive my voice

For finally reciting all the feelings I write about

I've always loved him

More than I loved myself

I didn't try to do it

It just somehow happened

Became a second nature

Something he needed

That he never had before me

I was the only one who could provide

A softer side to the hard life

He claimed to have lived

The solution to the problems

He created while trying to find true love

I've always loved him

More than I loved myself

Always put his needs before my own

Or maybe he guilt tripped me

Into thinking it was him before me

That he was the prize I won

By shrinking my worth to love him correctly

Like I had no value

Before he latched on to me like a leech

Sucking the best parts of me dry

Until I was depleted

Of the love that I had for him

What's the point of years together

If it doesn't lead to a new beginning

Of two people joining as one

The Bible teaches us that marriage is a good thing

Yet I remain at the starting line

Feeling as though I'm just wasting time

Creating memories that remain just that

No milestones to celebrate

Toasting to wasting year after year

On someone that doesn't value me

As more than a glorified girlfriend

Waking up next to you everyday

Doesn't make me as happy as it used to

No longer looking forward to a future

When we're still taking step backwards

While going forward with things

That cement us together just not as a union

Finally removing this ring

Because it means nothing

I made this house a home

Yet it doesn't feel like a home at all

Just an address we return to every day

An 30 year prison cell

Watching as time passes by

As we're wondering where it all went

I made this house a home

But it's still two families divided

Meals eaten in separate rooms

No laughter bouncing off the walls

Everyone left to their own devices

Imagining a better world to be apart of

I made this house a home

Yet it lacks no family value

Or emotional safety

No strong bonds to build a connection

And there's no going back to fix the damages

That made this house is not a home

He's also the cause of my ugly cries.

He's the reason why I lost interest in everything I once loved.

Why some days I sit in the dark and fight battles with my inner thoughts.

He's the reason why most nights I can't sleep.

The way he treats me plays on repeat like an endless nightmare.

He's the reason why I'm aggressive, quick to anger and swing moods.

Because he refuses to complete me.

Like my broken pieces can't be glued.

Was having kids but no family.

Was buying a house but not having a home.

Was seeing the world without the one I loved experiencing it with me.