Once Lost in a Paradise of Thoughts and Wanting to be Found
According to Richard K. James, existential crisis is defined as moments when a human being is starting to find some answers about if their lives have meaning, or value. Also contemplation gives a negative impact. When we are born in this world, we all know that our parents gave us our name, for this we will be known by our names. Our parents are the one who are our first teachers, they taught us how to be polite, sweet, and to be smart. But then, as we grow older, we go deeply, and start to question ourselves âWhy did I win the race?â or sometimes âWhy me? Why am I in this world?â and even questions like âDo I really have a purpose in life?â. Anyone can experience this type of situation, lost in storms, and sometimes sent into circles. This longing for some answers relating to self and to somebody else served in the anthology, âOnce Lost and Wanting to be Foundâ.
After reading the first poem in the anthology, entitled, Prelude to Cognitive Dissonance, by Marisel, it feels like Maridelâs identity is like the most shown with the people when the author is around the public. While introducing the other personalities, I can visualize that Maridel is like a tour guide, the reader is the tourist, and the other personalities are the itineraries. It reminds me of the song Welcome by IZ*ONE. The translated Korean lyrics into English lyrics âA small diary full of dreams unfoldsâ Wherein the poetry collection is like the diary of the author, and the diary is full of dreams, fantasies, and surprises. As for me, I can relate myself to Maridel, I am not that showy person to anybody especially to someone I met for the first time. But then, I am willing to express myself to my beloved ones like: friends, family, partner.
In the next poem entitled, Life in Numbers, after reading it I could feel that the intensity of happiness is changing as Alec grows older. As she also grows older, there are some things that made her happy, and sheâs finding some ways to be happy. In the line âBut I wish was happy And could go back when I was younger.â It clearly shows that she just wants to be happy as much as sheâs happy when she was a child, like no problems at all, playing in the street, and not struggling with the issues of aging. It reminds me of Happier a song of Marshmello featuring Bastille, where there was a little girl who had once a puppy she treated her puppy as her own best friend, as the little girl grow older the puppy are getting older too and until the day that the dog had to leave her owner, the owner of the dog can not accept the fact that her dog passed away, but then she is hoping to be happy and still continue her journey. As for my experience, as I grow older I may lose some things that make me happy but still I will continue the fight of life, and somehow choose everyday to be happy.Â
A Piece of His Loving Memory is the third poem in the collection. It is associated with the game called chess, and after reading the poem, the persona in the poem lost someone he loves and left with a broken heart. Just like in chess where anyone can win and be defeated. âLet me burst for a while for I have never won, only defeated.â In this line I think he was defeated in the game called love. Maybe it was a one sided type of love. The song My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion reminds me of this. Even though she had lost someone she really loved, she still moved on and moved forward even though itâs not easy and even in her sleep she could feel her lover. I once had lost my lover and left with a broken heart before but after the split up I always think that he lost someone like me and I did not lose to him.Â
The fourth poem was entitled,A Graph of a One-Sided Limit (Not a Love Story), in my opinion the main character in the poem has a special feeling for someone who does give some motive but does not have any feelings for the main character. The line âNext thing I knew, slow heartbeats have begunâ is the time when the character starts to have genuine feelings for someone. When itâs talking about one sided love, it reminds me of Taylor Swiftâs Teardrops on My Guitar where Taylor was loving a guy but the guy had his feelings reserved for someone. âAnd she's got everything that I have to live withoutâ this line, clearly said that the guy really loves the girl even Taylor got everything. She assumed that sheâs winning but then she realized that it was not her but someone else. That experience was really devastating but then in the end, we have to accept everything for us to not be that much hurt.Â
Down to the fifth poem of Ian and it was entitled as, INRI (Donât Stop; Keep Going).After reading it from top to bottom, it was very alarming because in âââŚMy hours turn into minutes, then lesser and lesser.ââ Heâs very helpless and he wants someone to help him. After reading it from bottom to the top, now thereâs someone whoâs saving him. in the song Stronger (What Doesnât Kill You) of Kelly Clarkson, there is this line âWhat doesnât kill you makes you a fighterâ So, if anyone whoâs not willing to help you, remember that it wonât harm or kill you, just find some other ways, and âDoesnât mean Iâm lonely when Iâm alone.â As for me, I always think that I have my friends, the type of lovely friends that I didnât ask for. Just if you feel like giving up just remember that you still have support systems like your friends and family. What does not kill you will really make you a fighter.Â
The next poem by Esther was entitled, A Sage in Every Inscription. As I have read the poem it feels like in Estherâs world all is well, all is perfect she has a lover but then she realized that it was all in her own world or imagination. She also gave some gratitude to her lover. The initials of every line in the last stanza stands for IDGAF so I associated this poem with Dua Lipaâs IDGAF. The song feels like, you have a lover before and youâre giving your all to him but you did not received the same energy so you cut him in your life because why bother wasting some energy to someone whoâs not deserving, just like in the line âCut you off I don't need your love So you can try all you wantâ. Let us not chase them, weâre not their lapdog who obeys their commands, we're too beautiful to be a lapdog.
Juliaâs To the Little Prince were next in the collection. After reading the poem, it already gives me the idea that the little prince betrayed Julia. But whatâs more confusing is that if the little prince is not present in Juliaâs worst times, why does Julia still love the little prince. The poem reminds me of the song Pacify Her by Melanie Martinez. Where Cry Baby was once betrayed by the Blue Boy with some new Basic Girl. Then in the lyrics in the chorus part it says that âPacify her She's getting on my nerves You don't love her Stop lying with those wordsâ clearly, the Blue Boy victimizes another basic girl with his soothing melody. And Cry Baby was like convincing herself that Blue Boy was only lying. In life we must â stay away from things that aren't yoursâ we must know our place, but if our lover made his/her move to find someone new then cut them into your life you donât need that type of person.
The eighth poem was entitled, Wetdream, by Huan. After I have read the poem, it contains many symbolism or itâs just me being green minded because of the title itself. But then I imagined that there was something that happened between Huan and the warrior, something about pleasure. The poem reminds me of Melanie Martinezâs Strawberry Shortcake. The chorus part says that âIt's my fault, it's my fault 'cause I put icing on top Now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcakeâ and somehow related in the line âOf unwanted men and their love: (Penetrate, drill, and edge them out of life to live.)â But, as Huan moved, his warrior was pleased in everything he did. With this, itâs fine having fantasy with someone you really like and itâs normal.
The next poem after Huan was Uie Jamesâ A Call For Change. Based on its title I know that this is somehow related to reform, changing some traditions, and making a new one. The persona is very strong in his own words. The poem suddenly reminds me of The Principal by Melanie Martinez. The song was very reformist like spilling some teas of some of the schools like in the line âAll you want is cash and hype "F*ck our dreams" and that's not rightâ. Also the line âIf you're not teaching, we're not learning Excuse me, how much are you earning?â It's like finding some principle. As a student, somehow I also feel how Uie James felt while he was learning. It was very tiring but still we have no choice left.
The tenth in the collection was, Because You are Immortalized, by Nelly. After reading her poem, it is very comforting that I made it this far. Sheâs very optimistic and a good person. With this, I associated this poem with the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. In the line âYou are beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring you downâ This is very much like Nelly, sheâs a good friend who will see the best in us. Sheâs our confidence provider. In everything we do, we must appreciate and learn to love ourselves before loving others.
The last and definitely not the least, A Letter to the Reader by the Author of the collection. It was a tough collection of poems yet itâs still very good and the best. It makes me sad that the only way to end all the whispers inside oneâs head is the host himself. With all his realizations, I am hoping that he could really connect to someone who feels the same as him. I could relate this to Recess by Melanie Martinez. If we felt that it was a tough journey, we need to take some pause and just relax and forget just like in the line âDon't let them hurt you, baby. Just say, "Recess, I'm tired ``'' Also, protect yourself at all costs. Just always remember that you are valid.
In conclusion, if we might experience questioning our existence and might send us into circles, or might be the reason for our sadness, just donât worry and everything will be fine. With all the things that are temporary in this world, we must include sadness, confusion and anything else in the list. Surround yourself with positive people who will understand and listen to you. Never forget that, we are all just humans who have feelings, can be hurt, and not hard as the rock. And as for me finding my real purpose, which is very uncertain, one day my questions will be answered as for now I will not stop finding some answers.