Remembering events some fifteen to twenty years past is difficult, and so is calling up the thoughts and emotions felt during that period.
It’s untangling a string of lights that loops and weaves and knots. You can see distinct parts of the mess - specific moments, events, interactions - and might tug at them in turn. Some might loosen and give way, allowing you to piece together what you thought hidden or lost in the recesses of your mind. Others remain irreversibly knotted, such that all you can do is recognize the contour or shape of what transpired and its impact on you.
But you lay the strand out anyhow and you plug it in. And you hope the bulbs illuminate and give clarity to what transpired and the ability to reflect, to grieve, to heal.
