This Hat, That Hat

Philippians 4:19 - But my God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in glory; 

All my needs?  Really, Lord?  According to his riches in glory?  God’s riches? The same God who created everything?  The same God who basically “owns” Heaven?  That same God is going to supply all my needs according to His riches?  

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! A thousand times more, YES!!!!!

Recently, my bank account was closed due to circumstances beyond my control.  When the bank closed the account, they issued a check to me for the balance in my account…..$1.12.  Yes, a corporate-sized bank took the time, resources, and personnel required to issue and mail to me a check for ONE DOLLAR AND TWELVE CENTS, and that was literally all the money I had to my name.  My three daughters and I were living in a family member’s one-room-attic-converted-bedroom space, and I had exactly $1.12 to my name.  To say that I was discouraged would be understandable, but even in my despair, the Lord reminded me daily of His love for me and for my children.  He provided for us through family and friends who made sure that we had food to eat and gas in our car and a roof over our heads.  God’s Word cannot lie.  He did, indeed, supply all my needs, but where does the “according to his riches in glory” apply?  I am so very glad you asked.  Let me just tell you where my girls and I are just two months later…

Two months later, my girls and I are getting settled into our new home with FOUR BEDROOMS and TWO BATHROOMS, and a rent payment that is EXACTLY within the budget that I prayed would be possible.  This house is not just a rental property but also a home that meets some very specific needs of our all girl family.  I mean, the details to which this house suits our family would make one think that it was built with my family in mind.  Oh, wait, God is in control of every thing, and He will supply my every need.  That’s right, this house was built over twenty years ago with my family’s exact needs today in mind.  

MIND BLOWN!!!!  

This week alone, God has answered even more, very specific needs for our family.  Allow me to share just a few examples that have me literally giddy inside for all it represents to me personally.  Let me be totally clear and say that due to extraneous circumstances, my girls and I are starting completely over.  I mean, until this week, we were using our bag full of beach towels as our bath towels.  We had leftover odds and ends paper plates as dishes.  We had our clothes, and we were using some throw blankets as make shift beds, and then…… 

GOD SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT!!!!  

Psalm 34:22 - The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants:  and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate. 

“…and none of them that trust in him SHALL BE DESOLATE…”  The Bible clearly promises that none of us who trust in God shall be desolate…. why then is there pain? Why does my heart ache?  With all that I am and all that is within me, I know that I trust God implicitly to work all things together for my good, yet some days, I wake up to rain and gloom, and I wonder, briefly, if I will survive the day.  The disappointment of a hope unfulfilled, the sadness that accompanies loss, the pain that results from regret - all of these are pretty desolate feelings, and I experience them all from time to time.  I feel myself withdrawing into a shell of the person I know I am meant to be.  Numbness sets in around my heart that is bursting into a million pieces.  I have been here before.  I know this pain well.  I know that it is the kind of pain that will return without warning because of a song I hear or a comment that is made that sparks a memory which causes the dull, aching pain of a broken heart to return once again.  I do not like it here, but I am aware that being in this lonely place is often necessary to remind me how wonderful life is when life is, in fact, wonderful, but today is not one of those wonderful “life is great” days.  Today, unfortunately, is a day of sorrow, a day of remorse, a day of longing.  Oh, Lord, my God, why are days like today permitted? I search the Scriptures for comfort and encouragement.  I find verses that I know are speaking to me, and I cling to every Word…

Psalm 71:21 - Thou shalt increase my greatness, and COMFORT ME ON EVERY SIDE.  

Oh, Lord, please comfort me now.  I don’t care about greatness, but God I need Your comfort.  I need to know that this ache in my chest will not persist.  I need to feel Your presence in my life.  I need You to fill the empty spaces in my heart that are longing to be filled.  Comfort me, Oh God, as only You can.  

Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. 

Draw nigh to me, Lord.  I need You close by.  My heart is hurting,and You alone can heal the pain.  The broken pieces are crumbling.  I am weak, but You are strong.  Pull me close to Your side, and hold me tight.  Closer, Lord, I want to be closer, Lord, to only Thee.  Draw nigh to me, Lord. 

Psalm 147:3 - He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.  

Heal me, Lord, and bind my wounds so they are never able to reopen to this pain again.  Heal me, Lord, and bind my wounds so they are never able to hurt me again.  Heal me, Lord, and bind my wounds so You can remove forever the heartache within.  Heal me, Lord, and bind my wounds.  Heal me, Lord, I pray. 

Psalm 73:26 - My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. 

God, please help me to feel Your strength.  My flesh fails daily.  Of that, I am certain, and my heart, oh my heart, how it aches.  This pain is so tangible.  The pain is so real, but You, God, are my portion for ever, and You can make the pain subside.  You can give me strength to endure.  You can make all things great again.  I believe You can, Lord, and I am trusting You will.  Be my strength, Lord, please be my strength. 

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

What an amazing God we serve!!  He wants me to have peace.  He has a plan for my life.  He knows the way to my happiness, and He wants, no, He EXPECTS me to reach that end.  What an amazing God we serve!!  Thank You, Lord Jesus, Thank You. 

“There is no recipe for a great teacher; that is what is so unique about them.” 

The thought behind this quote is so true.  I can remember several teachers throughout my school years who were instrumental in my becoming the teacher I am today, and although they were each great in their own ways, none of them were exactly the same in any way.  Whether my teachers inspired, encouraged, challenged, or dared me to go beyond my own boundaries, they each impacted my life in special ways, and as I stand in front of my classes day in and day out, I desire to inspire, encourage, challenge, and dare my students to go beyond their own boundaries too.  

This is my twenty-second year teaching, and looking back over the last two decades, I am amazed at how times have changed, and students, parents, and textbooks have changed, but what’s never changed is the excitement of a new school year that first day when students come to school with their new notebooks and sharpened pencils ready to embark upon a year full of discovery and learning new skills, and without fail, even the most reluctant of learners is usually excited on the first day of school.  

As the school year progresses, the air of new energy begins to settle into daily routines and lessons that the students don’t altogether hate, but would most likely rather skip in exchange for Wacky Wednesday or Fun Friday.  It is often with obligatory resolve that we forge ahead through each lesson and each assignment reaching for that ever elusive light bulb moment when a student exclaims, “I get it!” or “Oh, I see it now!” These are the moments that I live for as a teacher.  The moment when a student who has struggled and struggled to finally understand “gets” how to combine like terms in pre-algebra, or the moment when a student who is never picked to be on a team is chosen first because someone finally realized the value of having “that kid” on the team, or the moment at the end of the day while grading papers when I am able to write “100%” at the top of a paper whose owner has rarely scored above a 70% - these are the moments that make every late night lesson plan session, every parent phone call, every after school tutor class, every “long day at the office” seem totally worth it all.  Not because the teacher followed some recipe and achieved greatness, but because the journey that was taken to get to those moments was unique and special.  There is no recipe for a great teacher, but the uniqueness of us all makes teaching great.  

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ…..

While talking to a new acquaintance recently, I was very disturbed to find out that this person not only does not believe that God or the Bible is real, but this person also believes that everything that is here in this world, in our universe, and everything that happens to us and around us is merely coincidental and happenstance.  

                                  ??????SAY WHAT??????  

As I began to really let those words sink into my brain that has been inundated with Scripture and Biblical doctrine from the day I was born, I truly found it difficult to even comprehend how someone could possibly believe in NOTHING.  Even knowing the very little I know about science and the world around me, it is so evident to me that all that we do know HAS to point to some Higher Power that was the Mastermind and Creator of all things. The human body alone is such an amazing machine that it simply HAD to have been created by a Creator.  Seriously, the body is the only thing in this world that when injured or broken can, given enough time, heal itself completely.  If I drop my iPhone and crack the screen, the screen will remain cracked forever unless I take it to a repair shop to have the screen replaced, yet in the late ‘90s when I was in a car accident and broke my right leg, the bones in my leg grew back together allowing me to walk and run now, almost twenty years later, as if nothing had ever happened to it.  How could that possibly be happenstance?   I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to have eyes that see the truth around me and a soul that knoweth right well that He is God and Creator of this universe.  

     “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:  marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”  Psalm 139:14

Moving past what I believe is a fundamental acceptance that everything HAD to have been created at some point, my mind then began to ponder the amazing story of the Gospel.  Jesus Christ, who was 100% God and 100% man, was born of a virgin and lived a life of utter perfection for 33 years until He was crucified on a cross so that His blood would cover my sins, and then He went even further by resurrecting from the dead three days later and ascending into Heaven to sit at the right hand of His Father, my God, until the day of His second coming. WOW!!!! What an amazing thing to put my faith in!!  What peace I have on any given day because I know that my Redeemer lives, and I know that I am bound for Heaven some day.  God, in His goodness and mercy, allowed me to be born in America, born to Christian parents, raised in church, and surrounded by some of the greatest Christian pastors and laymen of our time, all so that I would know Him and accept Him as my Abba Father.  I am so blessed beyond all measure and comprehension to be His child, and I know that my Father in Heaven would not that ANY should perish.  He WANTS all to believe and accept Him as God in their lives.  What a mighty, amazing, and wonderful God we serve!

    “For WHOSOEVER shall call upon the name of the Lord, SHALL BE SAVED.” Romans 10:13 

However, in all my joy and peace over my own security in the Lord, I am still greatly troubled that my new friend does not accept and believe as I do.  I am burdened for this soul that is lost and wandering through life searching for answers that are often left up to faith to find, yet faith is the one thing that is missing.  My heart is heavy as I search my brain and limited knowledge for answers that might turn the opinion of such a person to Christ.  I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I’ve committed unto Him against that day.  I know that God knows, and I pray that God will use me in some way everyday to help guide others to Him, FOR I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST. 

An expert at anything was once a beginner....

I have oftentimes found myself to be a beginner.  I remember vividly when I was a beginner student.  I remember going to kindergarten and eagerly soaking in the letters of the alphabet and the sounds they make.  I remember in third grade when I was a beginner at doing long division.  My best friend, Kimberly Brown, and I used to beg the teacher to let us stay inside during recess so we could practice long division on the board.  I remember in sixth grade when Mei Fan got straight 100% grades in every subject on her report card, and the perfectionist in me began to emerge, for I believed if she could do that, then I could too, and I was a beginner scholar who dreamt of achieving straight 100% grades on my report card someday.  I remember in twelfth grade as my senior year was beginning, I fell in love for the very first time, and I was a beginner at hopelessly hopeless romance.  I remember being a beginner college student when my parents dropped me off at my dorm and drove away, and the feelings of loneliness and anxiety that overwhelmed me.  I remember being a beginner teacher and walking into my classroom the first day of school with plans and dreams of changing the world one student at a time.  I remember becoming a wife and being a beginner at creating a home and cooking meals and planning for the future.  I remember bringing my first child home from the hospital and being a beginner parent.  The sleepless nights, the countless phone calls to my mom for advice, the books I read, and the reality that nothing ever fully prepared one for the task of parenthood. I have lots of memories of being a beginner.