Hat #1 - A Beginner
An expert at anything was once a beginner....
I have oftentimes found myself to be a beginner. I remember vividly when I was a beginner student. I remember going to kindergarten and eagerly soaking in the letters of the alphabet and the sounds they make. I remember in third grade when I was a beginner at doing long division. My best friend, Kimberly Brown, and I used to beg the teacher to let us stay inside during recess so we could practice long division on the board. I remember in sixth grade when Mei Fan got straight 100% grades in every subject on her report card, and the perfectionist in me began to emerge, for I believed if she could do that, then I could too, and I was a beginner scholar who dreamt of achieving straight 100% grades on my report card someday. I remember in twelfth grade as my senior year was beginning, I fell in love for the very first time, and I was a beginner at hopelessly hopeless romance. I remember being a beginner college student when my parents dropped me off at my dorm and drove away, and the feelings of loneliness and anxiety that overwhelmed me. I remember being a beginner teacher and walking into my classroom the first day of school with plans and dreams of changing the world one student at a time. I remember becoming a wife and being a beginner at creating a home and cooking meals and planning for the future. I remember bringing my first child home from the hospital and being a beginner parent. The sleepless nights, the countless phone calls to my mom for advice, the books I read, and the reality that nothing ever fully prepared one for the task of parenthood. I have lots of memories of being a beginner.
Now, at the age of “29 again and holding,” I find myself embarking upon a journey that is another first for me. I am once again at the beginner stage. I’m not sure how or why this is the journey that has been placed in my life to take, but I know that I learned my letters and all their sounds so well that a love for the written word has been growing inside of me for years and years. I know that long division is just one of many, many mathematical concepts that I have mastered instilling in me a love for math that is beyond compare. I know that I not only achieved those straight 100% grades on my report card, but I also earned the achievement of Valedictorian of my high school graduating class. I learned that although I was a hopeless romantic who never completely stopped loving that senior year crush that I am also a person who has learned to love deeply and sincerely, and most importantly, unconditionally, and those are pretty good qualities to possess. I learned that graduating from college and becoming a teacher has been one of the most fulfilling dreams come true even if I haven’t changed the lives of each and every child I’ve taught. I know that over these last twenty-two years in the classroom that the children I have taught have changed my life forever, and that is just as worthwhile to me. I know that although I have married twice, and sadly, divorced twice that I am a good wife with strengths and weaknesses that contributed to the successes and failures of those marriages, and I know that I am going to be okay regardless of whether I get another chance at happily ever after or not. I know that regardless of the sleepless nights or other ups and downs of parenthood that my children have grown and are growing into amazing young people who have dreams, goals, and aspirations of their own, and somehow, I am blessed to have a part in that. So as I begin this new journey in my life, and I do not know for certain where it will take me, I am positive that when I get to a point where I can look back and remember this “beginning,” I will do so victoriously because the Lord promises that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. “All things” includes being a beginner.
