pieces

the two 

one distracts from the truth

while the other

drags you through it

painful

until 

you 

all you’ve ever had is here,

all the sounds you spoke, 

were never lost, my dear

go down to meet her -

eyes 

wild green creatures

all 

the ones 

I let go -

still come.

-

wake me wider 

each of your

voices matter

take your time

arriving

take a notebook with you when you go down to the river

find your softness at the water’s edge

pull yourself back from inquiry

as every answer

each night 

as if any worry you encountered during your day would simply melt, 

burning away.

beeswax by your bedside.

-

some memories

still 

keep me 

at least it moves

to subtle places 

those we push aside.

-

And when she breathes

she feels the room

the subtle traces

of what was left behind.

at myself

for letting you hurt me.

-

I fell in love with the softness

you don’t show anyone.

-

I hear your voice

distant

telling me to let go.

-

I must remind myself

to feel love,

to feel soft.

to avoid feeling anger.

-

so I turn to my writing

-

regardless,

to sit with it,

to move my breath in and out

more slowly

to not feel crippled by winter

to not remain longing.

-

it takes effort

to keep moving

the night

requests of you

nothing more,

my dear.

-

so hold, 

your own heart

gently 

so they won’t 

grasp any part.

-

your eyes 

are wild

you arms are tied -

so you 

stay for a while

you count through the night.

-

your dreams

alive and wild

push a pulse

out

to pull you through

In my early 20′s I stopped eating dinner.  I did so to save money.   And my waist shrank as a result.

When I am under stress or any type of emotional strain, my eating patterns change.  I will lose weight drastically, or constantly eat as a way to calm down.  

I am going through a phase in my life where everything is very unknown.   Nothing feels quite right, and I am going through a lot of internal transformation, emotionally and spiritually.    In ways, I am becoming much stronger, but I also notice those old patterns resurfacing.  

I know how to get up in the morning, and feel as much as I need to feel until I need to stand up.  

And I know how to tell myself the things I didn’t know before.  

Like when a man treats you in ways you would never treat another ... you learn to step away.  Quickly.  And to never go back.  You learn that everything he does and says isn’t about you.  You learn to carry on.

rests her head upon my chest

with one hand tightly tucked 

beneath her chin.

-

she insists to keep space 

between new memories and old

as the past bleeds into the night

in it, I am still, 

lying here

with her wrapped around my veins, 

tracing outcomes

of a future full,

unpredictable.

down to 

the end.

I see you higher 

holding up

what is 

young.

-

please remember

all you brought here

don’t refrain

from showing 

love,

-

Heart is gold

she sings to me

I'd forgotten

what we were

to be.

-

hold me up

take my hand

open up

she still

calls you 

a friend.

is it here, my dear

above the world-

-

how sweet 

does it sound, my dear

a little girl

-

don’t take all that you’ve wanted

without giving some

and love those who’ve forgotten

forgiving some.

-

I take you beyond this,

through the stars

to capture 

what we’re blind to

from our start.