play-the-game

because the world is understandably needing a lot from me right now.

so when i didn’t get to play music,

and give on my own terms…

that was an honest sharp pain.

yesterday felt like salty tears and muted sound.

-

the reality is though,

i should’ve never let it get to me enough,

that i allowed myself to rob myself of what i desperately wanted to do.

i exhausted myself trying to catch up to myself,

trying to make up the time i lost because i decided to feel it all, after i thought it all.

i do that a lot. all things can exist at once.

but i’ll miss being around my parents.

but i also like being in the bed lmao.

and as much as i miss it in such a short time,

just because, to be honest.

it’ll only be a two weeks, yet it feels like,

i’m saying goodbye to the city in a way.

where this breeze hits even better.

i haven’t been alone in a while.

either my mind is loud and i’m alone

or my mind is quiet and i’m around others.

i learned a while ago to stop trying to make both happen

i think a lot, clearly.

and so, i learned to be thankful when it all aligns on its own.

that’s so amazing honestly.

i’m so proud of him.