resident croaker

Maturing is realizing you’re a curse on society and should kill yourself.

I love realized that I seriously dodged a bullet, because my best friend has an eating disorder, my mom, stepdad, and stepbrother all have eating disorders, my dad and stepmom are always trying to lose weight in a healthy way, my generation is known for having the most eating disorders, everyone is being encouraged to starve bc thin is in, and I have had eating problems where I’d eat too much because I thought I was too skinny. Still am I think, but I just keep moving.

I think there’s a special kind of feeling of not being your own person when your parents name you after themselves, like, I’m never really my own person, just an extension of you.

I’m so unemployed it’s terminal I think

I hate being passively suicidal. I work so hard to be alive, and yet I’m so far behind everyone else that it wouldn’t matter if I just… stopped. But stopping would mean I’d have to do something about it, instead of just… being over. I’d rather it be a “I’m tired of playing this game, I don’t care that’s it’s not finished, I’m bored and I don’t think I’ll finish it anyway. So I’m deleting it” instead of “This battle was so hard that I’m deleting the whole game!” It’s just not pleasant to be alive, even if I know that people care and that there are incredible things to live for. I just want it to be over without doing anything about it.