SLC gayyyyy

*not horny but masturbates just in case i was* 

[Dad: How’m I doing on your hair? Child: Good! Dad: Let’s see, do I need more grease? Child: Yes. You need more grease on there. Dad: More grease? And then what? Child: And then you gonna need to brush it, and then you put a band on there. Dad: A band on it? Child: Yeah! Dad: Aww.. Child: You’re getting it through! You’re almost done! You’re doing a good job! Dad: Aww, thank you, sweetheart, so much! Daddy’s trying, doing the best I can. Thank you so much. Child: You’re welcome! Dad: I’m almost done! Child: You been doing great! Dad: Aw baby, thank you so much, you’re so encouraging to Dad. Thank you. Child: You’re welcome. Dad: I really appreciate you so much. You’re so awesome. Daddy getting your ponytails ready for school.]

Interrupting all the political ugliness to make you melt with cute.

Me as a father

this is so pure

I want my husband to have this accent

alright, that’s fine, that’s pretty con-fucking-venient 

This is how I used to teach a couple of students how to create vehicles or weird creatures when they had trouble coming up with ideas

I used to daydream about stuff like this all the time!

People are always excited about how ants can lift way more than their bodyweight but I’m not impressed. I can lift dorito crumbs too its not that hard

If ants were really strong then they’d be able to grow bigger without being crushed by the weight of their own stupid exoskeleton

~oh look at me~ I have hydraulics in my legs but couldnt figure out how to build a functional respiratory system so when I get too big I jsut die

I posted this at 4am but i stand by it

THIS IS THE SINGLE GREATEST POST IN TUMBLR HISTORY. RECOGNIZE.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

It’s back!

This is the FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN

Put this in the MOMA

a year later this is still the funniest video on the internet and i can’t even adequately explain why

wow

It’s a perfect blend of several major kinds of comedy: confessional, relatable observation comedy (who hasn’t had someone make an incorrect presumption based on your appearance?), absurdist prop comedy, and character comedy revolving around her looks, voice, and mannerisms. And reclining (almost) out of frame is the perfect button on the skit. It’s comedy genius.

I just… That’s the Egyptian Prince from Night At The Museum and Jasper from Twilight and its a little gay and I just ugh I love it

my car