Forgetting your friend is both blind and a professional ragebaiter
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@jedi-kat-18
Forgetting your friend is both blind and a professional ragebaiter

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gimmick blogs are like Hello can I make your post stupid and unfunny and ruin the notifications of a post forever
i gimmick blog sono tipo Ciao posso rendere il tuo post stupido e non divertente e rovinare le notifiche di un post per sempre
gimmick blogs are like Hello can I make your post stupid and not funny and ruin the notifications of a post forever
an gimmick blogs iyo garo Musta pwede ko gibohon an saimong post na mayong nakakatuwang saka mayong maisipin saka sagkod raoton an notipikasiyons nin post
Hands you a lemon
Making your posts stupid and unfunny and ruining your notifications forever
He can't keep getting away with this
All discussions of daylight saving time policy are doomed by a mix of contradictory, inconsistent, and impossible preferences, which is why I think the only thing we can really hope to do is to make it worse.
Time Change [Explained]
Transcript Under the Cut
Will Turner character ever I love him so much he's so fucking adorable it makes me sick he's like a sweet little baby deer who is also so reckless and impulsive and determined that the certified most chaotic man on earth has to constantly hold him back only to be out-schemed by him on multiple occasions, he's heroic to an utterly suicidal degree he fucking loves his wife so much he needs to be rescued by her while trying to rescue her like twice per movie AND he is also the ocean's specialist most favorite darling boy

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cause she knows that it’d be tragic if those evil kaiju win i know she can beat them oh mako mori they don’t believe me but you won’t let those kaiju defeat me
i just felt like drawing some mako she’s the coolest
Can you imagine Pirate King Elizabeth killing people on the high seas and her final words to them are ‘Say hello to my husband’
#the pirate queen kills you and you meet davy jones and he’s eagerly like ‘did elizabeth have a message for me?!’ #you flash back to your bewildered last moment #’…she said jack is teaching your son to shoot’ #'oh god no’ says davy jones
i can’t talk shit about the pirates of the caribbean films as if elizabeth swann becoming pirate king didn’t hand my entire ass to me and make me the gay i am today
these 2 looks basically defined my sexuality and i’m not afraid to admit it
things pirates of the caribbean got right:
1. will and elizabeth’s love story
2. elizabeth becoming pirate king
3. avoiding sexualizing elizabeth or the other female pirate characters in the first 3 films by allowing them to wear period-accurate pirate outfits that aren’t tailored to be revealing and impractical for ‘sex appeal’ just because they’re women
4. hans zimmer’s entire score but especially the iconic ‘he’s a pirate’ main theme
5. When the movie came out, morally-gray characters like Jack were actually not really a thing yet in pop culture, and it’s not Pirates’ fault that there are a ton of stupid shitty copycats out there.
6. I run a corseting panel at cons and literally use Elizabeth’s lace-up scene as a video clip of what historical corseting was actually like, because the only thing they got wrong in this scene is that tightlacing wouldn’t be a thing for about another 200 years (and you couldn’t tightlace with the corset style Elizabeth is wearing anyway). It’s one of the most accurate corseting scenes I’ve ever seen.
7. Will’s hat.
8. That scene with all the pirates on the gallows where that little boy starts singing Hoist the Colours? Yeah, that’s fucking legendary. The rest of AWE was kind of a trash fire, but that scene gave me goosebumps.
9. There’s this great shot in the first one where they really drive home the class differences inherent in this time period by having the governor talking about progress and civilization to Elizabeth in their carriage, and then they cut to a shot outside the carriage where a beggar gets splashed by mud from the wheel. It’s a perfect way to underline that everything is not, in fact, a nice little upper-class fairytale, and to give some weight to Will’s storyline, because he has a lot more in common with that beggar than with the governor.
10. For its time, the CGI was fucking amazing.
11. And let’s not forget the work of the makeup department, which had to actually invent new ways of putting on makeup for this movie.
12. The governor’s death scene. Holy shit.
13. They could have gone with a Jack/Will/Elizabeth love triangle, but they didn’t. There are some hints Jack is in love (or at least in lust) with Elizabeth, but he recognizes that she loves Will, and that’s that.
14. You’ve got to admit that wedding was unique.
15. The introduction of fantasy elements to historical fiction outside of Tolkein-esque fantasy, and how it contributed to and expanded the Fantasy Media boom we’re still enjoying today.
Okay but consider this- Elizabeth Swann. She’s a pirate nerd from the beginning. She’s fascinated. And by the time the Black Pearl blasts Port Royal she knows enough to defend herself- first with the iron, then with the Code. That nerd studied pirate law enough to quote it.
And not just pirates. Presumably she’s been on a ship once- when she comes over from England. But nope no piracy wasn’t enough for this kid no she did some intense studying of sailing too because why not. So when they’re being chased down who’s coming up with all these nautical maneuvers? Elizabeth fucking Swann, sea nerd extraordinaire.
Fast forward and she’s not just a nerd anymore. And she isn’t a pirate, either. She’s the Pirate King, doing battle with Davy Jones and the entire British navy, with every Pirate Lord and their crews behind her. No more improvised weapons, no more parlay- she commands every black heart that ever set sail. And then her bae becomes ferryman for every soul lost at sea.
So then what? Everyone just goes back to what they were doing? And Elizabeth just goes home to make a quiet life for herself as a single mum? From studious sea nerd to Pirate King and now suddenly she’s happier at home, waiting for Will?
Give me an epilogue where Elizabeth has her father’s estate and enough gold to keep her comfortable for a lifetime, but instead travels the world, her son at her side. Adventuring and exploring, in and out of the law. Tell me she calls up Calypso for tea from time to time and they talk about uncharted lands and the price of sugar. Tell me in some ports she’s recognized as the daughter of Governor Swann and wined and dined. Tell me in some ports she’s recognized as the Pirate King and gets barrels rum on the house.
Tell me even honest sailors whisper stories of the mysterious and elusive Pirate King, who rarely strikes at all but then vanishes for years at a time.
Tell me Elizabeth spends time aboard the Flying Dutchman, so she can be with her husband, and her son can be with his father and grandfather. Imagine young William learns to sail on his father’s journeys to and from the land of the dead. And when he finally captains his own ship, he’s learned to be both a respectable gentleman and a good pirate.
Imagine Elizabeth spending her life on the sea, sometimes with Will and sometimes not, with a wind from Calypso always in her sails, adventuring enough for lifetimes as a part-time well bred lady, part-time Pirate King.
#she terrifies men because she forces them into their true shapes #she is the sea there is no room for pretense in her #she will not allow anyone to render her less than what she is #she will not allow others to be anything than what they are #barbossa is a corpse and davy jones is nothing more than shell and bone and ruin dredged up from the ocean floor #’calypso’ is greek for ‘to conceal to hide’ and that is her root#she is the truth waiting to devour you from beneath

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Iconic seafarer beards became a trend to scare away pesky mermaids.
Mermaid, seeing a bald pirate: Zero threat…! Mermaid, seeing a hairy, bearded pirate: If I get too close their face tentacles will eat me…!
Most mermaids only grow short beards as not to scare baby mermaids (longer beards look like the tentacled mouths of hungry squids and octopuses).
Pirates use this innate fear to their advantage to protect themselves from mermaids, hence the iconic beards and hat:
I like how this is presented as factual information
I actually figured that a mermaid’s hair was an extremely specialized first dorsal fin.
If you look at the structure of a fin, it actually separates into sections. In some fish, these sections can get extra long, in the form of stiff spines or soft, flexible rays. You can see this most prominently in species like the lionfish:
It’s entirely possible that these structures could become longer and thinner over time and come to resemble a human hair, at least from a distance.
This opens up interesting possibilities such as:
Poisonous hair
Flaring out the hair-spines to scare off predators
Mating displays involving aggressive hair flipping
A period in mermaid history where mohawks were all the rage
Rye field
#pirates of the caribbean was kind of a formative influence #so here’s the thing #after years of chasing curses and hearts and fountains; losing the pearl and winning her back and losing her again #after rum enough to drown his sins and sorrows both#captain jack sparrow wakes up one morning and he’s immortal #just like that #no deals with calypso (he hasn’t been able to find her since the brethren court broke her chains) no desperate double-dealing #one morning he just…stops #stops aging stops dying #he gets the seas forever—except #except #the edges of the map are closing in #the lure of undiscovered treasures is waning and merchant ships are becoming better defended #the day that the East India Company takes Shipwreck Island; Jack feels a great chapter in the world’s history close #(he flees to the Barbary coast with the rest of his ilk; but the romance has gone out of it—the is too much desperation #too much hunger too much blood to it nowadays #the age of the swashbuckler won’t live out the decade) #I imagine this thing he’s chased all his life would crumble through his hands as he bounced from ship to ship #he never gets used to the square rigging on the clippers; though they lead to some good work running tea from china #but the first time he sees a steamship he nearly walks off the dock out of shock #of all the ways sailing would have changed; who thought you’d get rid of the /sails/ #(he swears he’s never getting on one of those monstrosities; let alone sailing on one) #(he manages to hold out until 1893 when the longing for the sea overwhelms him and he decides that even #that ghastly smog and the humming of the engines can be endured) #sometimes he’ll see calypso out of the corner of his eye—leaning on the deck railing; darting alongside the ship with the dolphins #(someone in the early 20th century tells him they’re not fish and he nearly busts a gut laughing) #he wears a hundred names and a hundred looks; cuts his hair short or grows it long #calls himself american; spanish; english (british); caribbean #he has two dozen different copies of Stevenson’s Treasure Island—it reminds him of something gone and half-forgotten #and in 1920 when Seitz comes out with Pirate Gold; Captain Jack Sparrow is in the first row (x)
And then in the future, everything changes. He’s been through it all, of course-watched humanity rediscover the heavens above them, watched them begin to wonder what’s out there. He cheered with the rest of the world when they landed on the moon, cheered as if he’d found Isla de la Muerta all over again, because there was something new. New treasure, a new horizon. But then they stop going, stop exploring, and he goes back to riding tankers across the rising seas. So he’s surprised when one day he wakes up from a night with his bottle of rum (his truest companion), and hears that there’s colonies on Mars now, and they need ships to supply them. He spends the next decade crafting new identities, learning all he can to qualify for the job, and after several tries (and even more faked deaths-this immortality thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the age of the inerasable digital self) he gets it. The ships go nearly constantly now, the needs of the terraforming project creating an unbroken line of vessels from Mars to Earth and back again. “Show me that horizon,” he whispers to himself, his personal prayer of thanksgiving, each time they leave orbit, because the worlds, the stars are in motion and it’s never the same, with nearly three years for a round trip the ports are always different, even if they keep the old names. And finally one trip something goes wrong with the reactor, they’re too low on power and have to deploy the backups, and Jack (Lucky Jack, they call him, for he survives too many things he shouldn’t but science has yet to accept that maybe some things weren’t old wives’ tales after all) goes out for the spacewalk to bring up the solar panels. And as they rise, geometric patterns black against the sun’s glare, he’s struck by a powerful sense of déjà vu, because it’s all here-wind and sails, a ship beneath his feet and stars above his head, horizon in all directions. He wonders, for a moment, if the reason he’s still here is because the universe wanted a witness, to mourn the end of one age of exploration, and rejoice in the birth of the next.
Thank you for writing this. It made me cry, but oh I am so relieved to see the yearning for the stars.
That shouldn’t have given me as many feels as it did…
I’m actually crying a little….
I stand by what I said last time.
Elizabeth Swan should've remained the Pirate King and become a scourge of the seas, as she always dreamt of freedom and adventure and that's why Jack's magic compass always pointed to Jack when she held it, because he represented not romantic attraction but her love for adventure.
And she should've fucked her sexy undead boyfriend every time their ships happened to pass one another.
Seriously.
Why even do that "only fuck once in ten years" thing?
Fuck him every week, if you want.
Is it not pure romance, pure sex, for the Pirate King to rule the seas...and also the heart of a man who guides those lost at sea to the afterlife?
Is it not pure cinematic poetry for the curse of Davy Jones to be broken by a true unbreakable love, built between two people in love with not just one another, but the sea that brought them together?
Is that not pure romance and a fitting end to a movie series dedicated to the reckless and wild love humankind have always held for the dangerously alluring, tempestuous sea?
Honestly.
I liked pirates of the Caribbean but Elizabeth Swan would never.
Never.
Return to land. I refuse to believe it.
william turner [ a summary ]

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