jane

I ask myself this

As I change my image

I have come to find myself impure

I’m interesting, I think

Without my mother or father

Honking like a swan trying to find its squad of abandoned misfits

I guess this is it

I must continue to live my life before and without you

My heart aches

Coolness is gone forever

Unfreezing my heart so my mind can bare the vile temptations of reality

I no longer understand history

Because I change everyday

What is Juliet without Romeo?

A question I ask myself everyday

I need a better feeling that’s fitting

What am I without love?

I cry like a boy

Moan like a bitch

Write down my emotions and recite in stereotypical manners

Flat and unflattering tone

Monotony

Blank

I want my skull to hang off my head ever so slightly

Just gently enough to blow with the wind, my hair following behind

I want to be on your phone screen

Adored and loved

Double tap me, save me to your Pinterest board

I can see myself through you as you do through me

A horrible game of monkey see, monkey do

Except I never win because I’m not allowed to change

You can change your wallpaper to the next girl

Adore her and her natural beauty while I’m stuck with enhancements

I can’t alter myself too much or I will lose myself in the lake

Chasing an unreal image that I know you will love

I used to be so beautiful and innocent

The freckled white spots on my back disappear into red from the gunshot

You display me

The children run and scream away from the severed head

You stroke my horns in pride but I am lost in myself

Fear frozen on my face

Screenshot, snapshot

Just make the flashing go away

I am so sorry

I just want to be pretty

Pretty isn’t enough anymore

I want to be beautiful

So beautiful that you forgive me for all my mistakes

The mistakes I made in vain because I didn’t think I was good enough

I just want to be good enough

I can’t help but make a mess

Another broken heart to a chipped mug

So sorry that i make it all about me

Whine and complain

Baby needs her bottle

Why is nothing ever right?

Smudged lipstick, dirty black eyes

Bangs sticking from the heavy sex

I don’t even care

It’s all about me

I love my fans so much

Tears running down my face as i walk away from the invisible shame

Hugging my chains so i don’t have to change

Too aware to be docile

Too vain to be good

Just too much to be innocent

Can’t believe i give up my innocence

Breaking my heart knowing i will never be 10

Something u can crush with ease

Now it’s too hard to destroy me

I know my pen’s faltering

Selfishness melts my charity

My voice distorted

While my shadow slinks away making use of it in the darkness

i was a princess in distress

I’m sitting on the top shelf waiting for my turn

I’m next

I’m next

I’m next, I chant in my head

Unable to speak, unable to move

End this pain its everlasting

Play with me please

I’m so bored, I could die

I’m so lonely I could drop myself beyond that white line

I want to understand why

What’s wrong with me

Why am I never chosen

Other than to work

Just to look

Just to observe

I am more than that

And the jealousy is killing me

I still have dreams that you don’t want me

I don’t want to think about you but you are all I compare myself to

What is wrong with me

I can’t breathe and I can’t sleep

I just want the nightmares to end of never being picked

I am hurt and I don’t want to cry

I’m bleeding

I want you to come back so bad and regret ever leaving me but I know it is her and not me