ilikefood (:

Giving birth to the baby with the biggest head is a crowning achievement

The expression: ”You are full of shit” is probably more true than you think. Even if you just took a huge dump, your bowels still holds a decent amount of poo.

Vegans can’t play bowed string instruments.

Your dog has probably gotten more physical attention than you have your entire life.

Being an adult is eating the crust, not because you like it but because you paid for it.

A bed is a wireless charger for humans

Eating a piece of cheese is perfectly acceptable, but if you shove a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth people look at you like you are a psychopath.

It also destroys the idea that a joke being explained makes it bad. That is true only in professional contexts where a joke not landing for two seconds is a crisis, like for stand up comedians. Otherwise it is totally ok to explain the joke!

It’s time for you to flourish like never before, it’s time for you to find the happiness and peace you’ve always wanted. It’s time.

All I seek is financial freedom honestly.