it's only time

Happy Ilya's Birthday Eve! Be sure to leave some cigarettes out for him tonight.

ok but now we must all picture fat baby shane in a little lifejacket being tossed into the lake off the dock and floating around like a dazed little marshmallow

i knowwwwww in my heart ilya would love taking shanes last name and after they have kids referring to their family unit as hollanders. ilya turning around to the backseat like okey hollanders here is plan. we are going to be in and out of costco in thirty minutes. you may choose ONE item each. if we get separated we meet at optometrist. we will get ice creams on the way out as long as everyone is cool and nobody tells dad. hollanders on three.

okay what are everyone's hope and dreams for the s2 press tour i'll go first: hudson on ziwe, connor on very important people with vic michaelis, and both of them on a throuple chicken shop date

ik we're always talking about ilya being like YEAH i bagged shane hollander, so proud to finally show off, but i mean shane bagged THE ilya rozanov and i imagine him to be much more like. growling at people LMAO. yeah MINE... don't even have thoughts about him.... yeah i did lock him down yeah only me ever only me. you have 3 seconds to stop looking at him.

i love the “hollanov has a crush on carter vaughn” take not necessarily in a “i think they would invite him to watch” way but more in a “ilya would accidentally let it slip while chirping at shane to fluster him that vaughn is at the top of their ‘would’ list and vaughn is a little thrown off and straight so he’s like “are you guys asking?” and ilya laughs and pats his shoulder and assures him “absolutely not, i do not share my shane, we just think you are good looking man, i like that you are pretty and fun and my shane likes that you are serious about hockey and have good grooming habits. is not serious, do not worry vaughny we will not be asking you to witness me and my beautiful husband ever” and vaughn low key is overjoyed about it, his teammates who are around and hear the exchange are sometimes like “that doesnt bother you? you dont find that a bit weird?” but vaugh genuinely is just like “rozanov just called me pretty and fun enough to hang out with and hollander thinks im good at hockey and clean enough for him, you could hand me a nobel peace prize and it wouldnt come close to this achievement” and eventually it gets out to the general public so vaughn is captioning his instagram posts shit like “#1 contender for being the hockey husbands third goes fishing” despite shanes mortification about this getting out and vaughns clear delight with it” way

they’re concerned with how anya might react and instead MyAnya is like “oh that’s a weird looking dog but it’s mine now” and adopts ottie as her own baby