Love and Coffee

What if I didn't do this or that or

what if said this or that?

What if I said I love you more or less?

What if I hugged you a little tighter?

Would you have stayed?

Would your hands still be holding mine?

Would our love intensify or form into resentment?

Times apart, my heart still yearns for yours,

however never the same for when we first said I love you.

What if you didn't do that or said this?

What if you said I love you more or less?

What if you hugged me a little tighter?

Would I have cried less?

Would my heart suffer less?

Would we still be each others forever and mature together?

What if we kept our promises to each other long ago, as we stood in front of a hotel hallway with rings of promises to love each other forever and always? Would we still be together?

Ever since my heart broke I can't seem to feel content. Content with myself. Content with my life. Content with everything. I'm internally unhappy and externally exhausted. I put on a mask and perform this unparalleled little act so no person can physically see I'm broken inside. I'm in a state where I feel nothing. Paralyzed from head to toe, mind and heart. And when I do start to feel an ounce of satisfaction an eerie feeling or turn of event would arise and create distraught throughout my entire system. Mind. Heart. And Soul. 

I'm tired of trying to fabricate my life into something I ideally want. Eluding my heart from all the pain it has stored inside and dissing all nonsense thoughts and opinion my mind has to say.