Your Perfect Peach 🍑

But it makes me feel like I’m being seen through and doubled down on the fact that I don’t belong.

In reality I really don’t want a fuss made about me and I don’t want my boyfriend working in the sun specifically for me

Idk what to do with it or what to make of it.

I am like really in love with him. I find myself gazing at him just to take him in when things are quiet or when we’re watching tv and I’m just so happy to be here

I even rubbed his feet this weekend

Im talkin - unable to speak from being drained.

I’m talkin unable to move, unable to keep my eyes open afterwards. It took like 40 minutes for my soul to find its way back to my body. He fucked me sooooooo good.

Literally held back tears and the desire to ask “why are you fuckin me like this” (I couldn’t boost his ego like that, I was already boosting it enough)

I want moreeee. Obviously not because I wasn’t fulfilled, but because I love feeling that connected to him. I want to be in his skin.

But I also feel comforted that he’s here in my bed snoring peacefully while I’m up watching tv. This is my man 🥰

Definitely not *in love*

But I’m happy he’s in my life. He adds value and brightens my day. If this thing what we had ended abruptly today I would be significantly effected.

Now I’m tipsy, I’ve muted his messages, and I’m debating on if I should call it a night right now because I’m anxious for the response

In theory this shouldn’t push him away because he dotes on me. He opens my door and takes me out and has soothed me while I cried. He has also allowed me the space to open up to him as time has gone on. But I’m scared. In reality we never know what could be too much to ask of someone. We never know what their finally straw is or what they deem as too much pressure

And I would be silly to think he would step up for me. Like he would specifically put himself in position to be more put together specifically because I need him to

It doesn’t fit into their narrative because the rhymes are slower and hella introspective.

Me on the other hand? This whole project was made for me. I think both discs convey a specific perspective.

Ate me out

And fucked me something crazy

But I am also aware there are only 2 things someone needs to be good at/willing to do to take my spot

- be someone who cooks homemade soul food

- be someone who wants kids and to start a family

I, on the other hand, had to let him know I don’t have that same lived experience. I don’t know too many married people.

So me stating from day one that I’m a leaver probably hits his brain differently when he comes from a community of people who stay.

…but to emotionally dump and to just get this out of my brain (this is about to be delulu nonsense rooted in solely emotion not reality)

I like him ALOTTTT

And I want him here. I feel like we don’t spend enough time together. I know that will come in time but still I feel like there’s a lot I still don’t know about him and I’m genuinely curious to get to know him more.

I also know that this is the beginning. He will change and I will change and I’m kinda ready to see that too.