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@jayna-lynnn
When you live with 3 people but still feel fkin lonely by the end of the day. I live with my husband and two roommates (aka my dad and brother). Ugh. I WANT A PET.
Maybe I need to just suck it up and get one and start being responsible. Ugh. I just really don’t wanna get a dog or cat in my carpeted house 😒😒😒😒
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You know how people always ask “ooh what do you do for fun? What’s your hobbies” and bish I’ve never known the answer cuz I DONT DO SHIT. my hobby consists of being a lazy slob and sleeping all the time.
I get so lonely and bored when Christian is playing video games which is his alone time it’s cooo I get it. But I always end up getting irritated (wrongly at him) because he’s spending so much time not entertaining me. But it’s not his fault. It’s mine. Cuz I don’t occupy my alone time with something that I enjoy. It frustrates me that I have so many ideas and I get passionate about something and then start something BUT I CANT FINISH. I NEVER FINISH THE FKIN JOB.
It’s always been a bad habit. I start something, I get frustrated and then it just stays undone forever. But it lives in my head rent free and gives me anxiety bc I know it’s still not finished.
But I genuinely wish I had something that I enjoy doing. But really all I do is watch shows and YouTube videos. BUT I NEED A FKIN HOBBY. Ughhhhhhhh
THIS!
Reblogging this too for folks with anxiety like myself who feel bad when they say they’re too busy but they don’t have every second accounted for doing something so they feel almost like they’re lying. Self-care goes on your schedule too, lovelies.
How it do be
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the switch from ‘a girl worth fighting for’ to coming upon the decimated village in mulan is THE MOST kick-in-the-teeth mood change IN ALL OF CINEMA
That scene shift did more for our generation’s understanding of the horror of war in ten seconds than Game of Thrones did in eight seasons, and it did it without showing us a single dead body.
Remember when they subtly but clearly told us a little girl had been murdered?
It’s almost like you actually don’t need to depict graphic murder, rape, and torture to elicit a serious and emotional response from your audience.
The girl worth fighting for was the child who lost her life in the ransacking of the village. She and every other innocent who was murdered. and all the innocents who would be murdered if the soldiers didnt fight.
I think adulthood is just trying to unlearn the bad habits we formed during childhood/adolescence and heal from the trauma that we’ve gone through.
I know it’s not for everyone but as someone who never really had a vision for what she wanted to do as a career.... being a state employee is such a good fit for me. The fixed schedule, the many holidays off, holiday credit, the stability.. but most of all, truly blessed to be working around people who make going to work actually enjoyable.
Yes it’s sucks that there was a pay cut, but I’m just happy I still have a job & it’s not a horrible situation doing telework and the support my team & division has. I’m so glad.
When I was unemployed and Christian kept tryna tell me to apply and I was like nahhh seems so boring.... and then it was funny cuz he also convinced me to watch the office for the first time.. but I’m glad that the position I took to put my foot into the door was a good stepping stone to make me realize the state wasn’t so bad to work at...
I think my thoughts are just aligned with the freedom I feel. Now that I have a steady income and I get to do what I want with my money. And I get to go on trips that I wanna go on, without the permission of my parents or the obligation to go with family. The freedom I finally feel as an adult. It’s nice. It’s scary having so much responsibility but it’s also so great being able to put my money where I want to put it.
Death.
Kobe and Chadwick’s deaths this year have really hit different. I think for me, the impact of their lives after they’ve gone is something that will live forever. After both their passings, many stories came out about how they were using their talents and status to give back. They used their status for good. They didn’t waste a moment of time. And it just goes to show that both these men were so selfless. They didn’t do these things for publicity or praise. They did it out of the goodness of their hearts. They paid it forward. They took what they had and blessed others with it.
It just solidifies my belief that paying it forward is never a waste of time. Put your time and efforts into others. This life was not meant to be lived selfishly. We were meant to use our strengths, talents & blessings to share it with others, to leave this earth a little better than it was yesterday.
I think about my inevitable death all the time. What will people say about me when I’m gone? Technically, i could be gone tomorrow. If I die today, will I be content with how I chose to use my time? I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I might not even have a tomorrow. So I’m going to live my life fully, hoping that the interactions that I have with others are positive ones. I hope my interactions and my actions are not wasted. I hope I make a positive lasting impression on the ones I put my time and effort into. I hope that THEY pay it forward.
Working on being aware of my intentions and making sure my actions are not to please other people or show off or just do something because I want to be praised.. I want my actions to be intentional.
I want things to be done bc it’s out of my goodness of my heart. I don’t want to be caught up in doing things that I think will be “reposted” to make me look good.
This is what I’m currently working on.
On another note: I can feel the season changing in my life & I think It’s a season of pruning. I think some friendship/relationship dynamics are changing. And I’m working on just letting go & letting it happen. I think I’m getting tired of being in one-sided friendships where I might feel like I’m the only one making efforts to keep in contact. Idk if this feeling is legit but it’s how I’ve been feeling lately. But again, some friendships are only meant to be for a season. And that’s okay.
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Was having a rough day. Nothing HORRIBLE but just a little tiring.
But then came home and reflected on some things that happened today and laughed about it & realized some blessings in hindsight. Man god is always so good.
I keep flip flopping my mindset about this whole shelter in place Covid bs. For damn sure covid is real. But ALSO, humans were not meant to live in isolation. We’re meant to live and be with others and enjoy the outside world.
So yes, we’re still in shelter in place and people should not be taking advantage and going out every fkin day. BUT, those that are staying at home literally withering their mental stability should FEEL THE FREEDOM to fkin GO OUTSIDE AND BREATHE SOME FRESH AIR. GO TAKE A SHORT TRIP OUT TO THE WATER SEE SOME NATURE. I’d rather someone who is suffering from loneliness, depression & having suicidal ideation “break” shelter in place to better their mental health.
But I think the key for this is.. BE WISE. I still stand that you shouldn’t be hanging out everyday with everyone & anyone. Be selective. Space out your hang outs in case someone gets sick. Be kind.
This damn virus is tearing us all apart & making us go INSANE. I’m tired of it.
And I think it’s just frustrating cuz I know this shit isn’t going away anytime soon so start making lifestyle choices that will GET YOU THROUGH THIS BS TIME. Cuz even when the vaccine comes, not everyone is gonna willingly take it so we’re gonna all be divided in thought process again cuz what’s new. People are selfish. End of story.
Can’t wait for this bs season to be over with. Where’s the rainbow after this storm????
society peaked when we could hang cute charms on our flip phones
I don’t think y’all UNDERSTAND how lonely I am during these quarantine times that I’ve literally been contemplating if I should start tryna have kids just so I won’t be as lonely...... sigh.
This year too crazy for me bro.
It must be nice to have a good, healthy relationship with your dad.
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Bonfire beach camping would be my ideal birthday hangout but I also feel like it’s not realistic bc a lot of the people I wanna be with (aka my fam) are still weary about going places. And it’s understandable. Truly. But it’s just heartbreaking to know the last time I hung out with them was February and we just sat around watching the dumb Super Bowl. And not all of us were even there so technically last time we all hung out was Christmas. It’s freakin August already. My heart is literally hurting.
Sigh.
Deep conversations are my love language. It’s where I find the most joy.
An example of that is that I had a friend over that I hadn’t hung out with for awhile and I was exhausted from work that particular day and just wanted to take a nap but I didn’t wanna cancel our plans. But we all ended up talking for 4+ hours and i didn’t regret it or wish that I had just napped instead.
Of course the caveat of these deep conversations is that in order to bring me joy, it needs to be had with people that I feel safe sharing my inner thoughts and with people of an open mind. I don’t need for us to have the same values & mindset but I need to feel like you’re actually hearing me and respecting my thoughts and vice versa.
I for damn sure AVOID deep conversations with my dad cuz he’s narrow minded af. I steer CLEAR from those. And people like him.
