The Misadventures of Jay @jay-quest - Tumblr Blog

“Well Groomed” by Aysha Bee

“So do you keep it shaved? 👀 “

Yani was on a seven day vacation in Atlanta, Georgia celebrating her 24th birthday. Since it was her fifth day there and then she would have to fly back to Maryland, she didn’t hesitate to get on Tinder to find a local ATL guy for some quick sex. It just wouldn’t be a vacation for Yani if she didn’t get a little action.

“The reason I ask is because I just like a woman to be well groomed. You feel me?👀 “

Terrane seemed like such a convenience to Yani. His apartment was only a few minutes away from her hotel. And quite frankly, he seemed to be the most attractive guy she noticed on the App. Very dark skin, clean haircut, tall, and muscular. He definitely appeared like he hits the gym on a regular basis. And 30 years old, single, with no kids? Oh it was on.

Though Terrane was attractive, it slightly offended Yani to be asked such a question. Why did it matter if she shaved?

“No, I don’t shave down there. I never felt the need to. It’s just hair.”

“Haha, I don’t think so…..”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just that if I’m going to go down on a woman and give her the most pleasure possible, I prefer for her to be well groomed. No hair. It’s a hygiene thing. You know? That’s how a woman is supposed to carry herself.”

Yani wasn’t understanding how someone could equate having pubic hair to being an indication of poor hygiene.

“I just never shave down there because it’s time consuming. I am actually very hygienic though. I’m not sure why you would think otherwise.”

“I’m not trying to offend you. I’m just saying that when a woman is shaved down there, it’s easier for the man to do what he is there to do. All that hair in the way kinda takes away from the experience. I’m not saying you gotta shave all the time but I would appreciate if you did before I saw you is all.”

Yani was a bit irritated by the request but she was exhausted with going through Tinder matches trying to find a quick Atlanta smash who was actually attractive AND had decent credentials. She was running out of time in Atlanta and just wanted to be devoured at this point.

She figured that perhaps it’s not that big of a deal since she would never see him again anyway.

“Okay I’ll shave before I come over.”

“Oh and one more thing …if you could shower right before you come. I’m not saying you don’t smell nice but I’m just real particular about the kitty I eat hahaha. I love a fresh out the shower scent. And for a woman’s skin to be soft and smelling good so rub on some of that Bath and Body Works before you come too. 😉 “

Yani rolled her eyes as she read. This guy sure has some nerve, she thought to herself.

“Of course I plan on showering lol. So you’ll be sending an Uber to me tonight, right? Here’s my hotel.”

“Okay mama, I got you. Stay put. I’ll holler at you around that time to see if you ready.”

About an hour and a half before Yani was supposed to head out, she hopped into the shower. There she began to lather her caramel complected skin. Her kinky curly hair weave got a little puffy from the humidity in the restroom.

She scrubbed with a honey almond scented body wash.

She then trimmed her pubic hair with a pair of trimming scissors she had in her makeup bag. She applied shaving cream all over pubic hair and used a new razor to shave herself bald.

“Whew!”

She let out a breath of relief when she finished. Shaving down there was always taxing for her, which is why she preferred not to.

She hopped out of the shower and dried her body with a towel.

She rubbed some after-shave oil on her freshly shaved part in hopes that it would not begin to itch.

She put lotion all over her body and sprayed a vanilla scented perfume on her neck and wrists. Then she threw on a short t-shirt dress with a pair of slip-on sandals. No bra and no panties. It was dark outside and she figured she might as well dress to get straight to business. No point in doing the most when it would just come right off.

She checks Tinder and notices Terrane messaged her seven minutes before.

“Ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready. Go ahead and send the Uber out. So I can be on my way.”

A minute later, Terrane confirmed that the Uber was heading to get Yani.

Yani was a little nervous but not entirely. She wasn’t a stranger to hook-up culture at all. Any time she traveled, she enjoyed the convenience of having good commitment-less sex with a man that she wouldn’t have to awkwardly cross paths with again later. It was perfect.

The Uber arrived in front of Yani’s hotel. She climbed in the backseat.

“Hello.” The Uber driver greeted. A middle aged White woman.

“Hi.”

“Are you from here?”

“No I’m not. I’m from Maryland. I’m just here on vacation.”

“Oh okay, where you going?”

“Just visiting a friend.”

“Well it’s great that you know someone out here. Some wild guys out here. I always tell young women like you to be careful with strangers.”

Yani, finding it ironic that the driver would say that, didn’t respond.

“Alright …looks like we are here. Have a good and safe rest of your trip!”

Yani exited the car.

“Let’s see ….building 4, apartment 410” Yani thought to herself.

And there it was.

She knocked on the door and awaited it to open.

Terrane opened the door.

“Damn you got here quick!”

Yani laughed. “Haha I told you my hotel was only a few minutes away.”

She walked inside.

“Let me show you to my room. Come on.”

Yani followed him.

“You can sit your stuff down on top of my dresser if you want.”

Yani put down her purse. She looked Terrane up and down and he looked soooo good. Even better than he looked on his pictures. He took his shirt off and threw it across the room.

Yani hated casualties and small talk. So she slipped her shoes off and tossed her dress over her head.

“Damn ….it’s like that?” Terrane asked, very impressed. “Come here then.”

They both climbed into Terrane’s bed under his blanket after he turned off the light.

Yani got on top of him.

She began to kiss Terrane but something just wasn’t right.

She tried to ignore it and kept kissing.

But every time he would let out a little bit of his breath, it was vomit-worthy.

The smell was like a mix of cigarette smoke, raw fish, and rotten eggs.

Terrane kissed Yani deeper. She caught such a big whiff of his breath that she jerked back and coughed.

“You good?”

“Yeah I’m good.”

Yani didn’t want to make it seem like anything was wrong so she leaned in for a couple more kisses while she held her breath. She then asked, “Do you want to go down on me?”

She usually loved kissing and lots of foreplay before sex but she couldn’t handle the putrid smell of Terrane’s breath any longer.

“Shit I been ready. I guess you not the foreplay type like most women are. Go ahead and spread your legs and get comfortable.”

Yani laid on her back and spread her legs wide. Even though Terrane’s breath smelled like a dead octopus, she figured she didn’t come over for nothing. She should at least get an orgasm out of it. So she relaxed.

“Oh yeah …shaved and smelling fresh. Just like I like it.”

Terrane licked and licked. It felt great. Until he stopped and started to put a condom on. He made sure to keep his basketball shorts on.

Yani wanted to roll her eyes so bad. She definitely wanted to be licked longer but she decided to go ahead and see what his stroke was all about.

He moved inside of her.

For some reason, he wasn’t going even a little bit deep enough. The way he stroked was like as if he was avoiding something. It was strange to Yani.

She slid her hands underneath his basketball shorts over his butt in attempt to push him deeper. She felt something greasy and assumed some lube from the condom had got on her hands.

She pushed on his butt some more and then felt something extremely mushy. Far too thick to just be lube from a condom.

“What is that getting on my hands?”

“What is what?” Terrane asked, pretending to be confused.

It was too dark to see. Yani put her hand to her nose and freaked out.

“THIS CAN NOT BE WHAT THE FUCK I THINK IT IS!”

She jumped out of the bed and searched for a light switch.

She switched it on with her elbow.

She looked down and was disgusted to see feces on her finger tips.

“DID YOU JUST FUCKING SHIT ON YOURSELF? THIS IS SHIT ON MY HANDS!” Yani cried.

“Man come on, chill. I ain’t shit on myself. I had to shit earlier.”

“You didn’t shower before I came over? But yet you told ME to shower?”

“I did shower before you came.”

“SO THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SHITTY RIGHT NOW? DIDN’T YOU WASH YOUR ASS?”

“Man….I said CHILL. Don’t you think that’s kinda gay for a grown man to be all in his booty while he taking a shower?”

“Gay? Is this a joke? Am I being set up?”

“Yeah. Gay as hell. I’m a grown man and you telling me to put a whole towel between my booty cheeks like I’m some type of hoe.”

“You think it’s GAY to not have literal feces piling up in your ass?”

“I was raised different. I’m not like these sugary cats out here. These sweet ass niggas that ain’t really men.”

“Let me assure you something. A grown ass MAN should know to wipe his ass. Jesus Christ…where is your restroom?”

“Just wipe your hands off on my shirt and come here. Stop playing.”

“WHERE IS YOUR GOD DAMN RESTROOM?!”

Yani was furious.

Terrane pointed outside the room.

Yani rushed out the room after slapping on her shoes, slipping her arm under the handle of her purse, and picking her dress up with her teeth. At this point, she was trying to avoid a panic attack. She finds the restroom. She washes her hands in the sink. She sees no hand soap on the sink and no body soap in the shower either. There was feces getting underneath her finger nails. She would even wash her hands with toothpaste if she could but there was none. Nothing.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Yani yelled out.

She put the water on such a high setting that it almost burned her. But it did get all of the feces off of her. Still, the smell lingered.

She opened Terrane’s restroom closet to search for a towel.

There were two hampers that were way high up. Hardly reachable for Yani’s short frame.

She reached and reached until she finally got a hold of the laundry hamper that said “Clean”.

She grabbed a towel out of it and wiped her hands dry.

She threw the hamper back up on the top of the shelf.

She then put on her dress.

Although Yani was angry, her curiosity got the best of her of just how repulsive the guy must be to where he keeps his hampers so high up top.

She reached for the dirty clothes hamper and after a couple leaps, she got it down.

She opened it and found soiled underwear. Feces, urine stains, dried semen stains. The smell made Yani’s eyes water and she gagged.

“….What the hell have I gotten myself into?” She asked herself.

She grabbed her cell phone from out of her purse. Then she snapped a picture of the insides of the dirty clothes hamper to show her best friend later.

“Aye, what’s taking you so long?!” Terrane called out.

Yani could hear his footsteps approaching. She began to panic. She hurriedly tried to throw the dirty clothes hamper back up top where she found it but she just couldn’t get it to reach. She jumped and jumped until finally Terrane walked in.

“MAN WHAT THE FUCK?! I TOLD YOU TO JUST CHILL!”

Yani was startled. She dropped the dirty clothes hamper over her head and all the filthy underwear came pouring down on her.

“AHHHHH!!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!”

She shook until all the underwear hit the floor.

She then ran as fast as she could with Terrane now chasing her.

“BITCH YOU BUGGING! I SAID CHILL!”

Yani managed to get far enough away from Terrane to where he had no idea where she was hiding around the apartment complex. She ordered an Uber to take her back to her hotel.

Two days later, Yani is sitting back at home in Maryland.

She notices that she got tagged in something on Facebook.

When she sees by who, she is shocked to see that Terrane went and found her on Facebook even though she unmatched him on Tinder.

He had posted a screen shot of her messages on Tinder and then tagged her with the caption :

“This the problem with thots. When women don’t want to shave and think that shit cute. @Yani Richardson”

The comments came pouring in.

Santiago Rodriguez

Damn, that bitch nasty. I bet her shit was a forest!

Oshay Johnson

Bruh please don’t tell me you still hit that shit! 🤮 Hahaha nah as long as you wrapped it up, you good. I’m looking at her page right now!

Kiera Marie Washington

Wow I thought all women shaved down there. 😳 I guess I’m just one of the clean ones.

Yani began to cry. She was so embarrassed. The humiliating comments and friend requests would not stop coming in.

Then she got an idea!

The picture she took of Terrane’s dirty laundry.

She instantly checked to make sure she still had it. And she did. Clear as day.

Terrane’s post about Yani was up to 98 reactions and 30 shares in just a few minutes so she had to hurry.

She posted the picture of the dirty laundry and tagged Terrane with the caption.

“This is why you can’t count on fragile men to be hygienic just because they demand good hygiene from women. This ATL nigga had shit stains, piss stains, AND semen stains all over his drawers and had the audacity to check ME for not shaving. @Terrane Anderson you need a special detergent from God for this shit! Dude ain’t have no type of soap in his restroom. Not even toothpaste. And his booty was toilet shitty. He said he don’t wipe because it’s supposedly gay. Be careful which sewer monster you fuck out here!”

At first Terrane laugh reacted Yani’s post. He figured not many people would see it considering Yani only had 300 Facebook friends compared to his 2,500.

But then the reactions started coming in quickly. Even people from Terrane’s friends list were seeing the post on their timeline because of the tag.

Jessica Ford

Oh my gosh!!!! This is freaking….horrible. Are you serious?

Drew ImAKing Bell

Awwww hell nah! This gotta be from Google! This can’t be real! And what made you go over there in the first place? 🤔

Artesia Cambridge

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Omg @Kandy Brown come look at this shit! I’m rolling, bitch! 😆

Jasmine Austin

I know for a fact this picture isn’t fake. I almost fucked him too. Big mistake!

To Yani’s surprise, after seven minutes, the post had been shared 100 times and was up to 250 reactions. People on Facebook loved mess apparently.

But then, the post got shared by a local aspiring music celebrity with a following of about 100,000.

That’s when it was on!

The post was being shared so many times that Yani couldn’t count.

After twenty minutes, the post had been shared 1,000 times.

Yani suddenly received an inbox message from Terrane.

“What’s up? I’ll tell you what. This shit corny. I’ll delete my post and you can delete yours.”

Yani was enjoying herself far too much and she wasn’t even embarrassed by his post, especially since it only had 55 shares now after twenty minutes.

“No, thanks. You can keep it up. I’ll keep mine up too.”

“That’s cool. I’m not tripping. I tried to help you out. 🤷🏿‍♂️”

Yani giggled.

Ten minutes pass and Yani’s post now had 2,000 shares. People in the comments were tagging Terrane and insulting him.

Terrane inboxed Yani again.

“Hey I deleted my post lol this whole thing corny.”

Yani responded with, “Thank you.”

“Yeah so just delete your post, this shit boring now, haha”

“No, thanks.”

“Whatever then lol…”

Eight minutes pass.

“DELETE THE POST. I ALREADY REPORTED IT AS BULLYING SO YOUR SHIT GON BE GONE IN A MINUTE AWAY AND YOUR PAGE GON BE BANNED!”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. ☺️”

“Delete it, bitch! Or my sister gon beat your ass!”

“Good luck. I’m in another state. Did you forget?”

Yani was feeling so alive. And her post now had 3,500 shares.

“I got people in Maryland that’ll come for your head. DELETE IT. Before I make a post lying that you got an STD.”

“Make the post. I’ll just screen shot where you said you would lie on me and I’ll be sure to post that when you do. ☺️”

Terrane was now furious! Without thinking clearly, he rushed to his page and told all his followers to go report Yani’s post. But people aren’t as loyal as he thought. Some went over to defend him. Many of them; however, laughed and shared her post.

That’s when the post got up to 6,000 shares and all of Atlanta was seeing the post and tagging Terrane.

Terrane then got a phone call from his job at Shoe Castle.

“Hi Terrane. How are you today? We are a brand that takes social media representation in this day and age seriously. We also expect our employees to maintain a certain appearance with regards to Shoe Castle’s grooming guidelines. Unfortunately we have decided to let you go. You can re-apply in six months.”

Terrane, losing his mind, screams out.

“FUCK!!!!”

He calls his mother for help.

“Mama please threaten this girl and make her delete this post.”

“What post, boy?”

He texted his mother the link.

“BOY, YOU THAT DAMN FUCKING FILTHY? I OUGHT TO BEAT YOUR DAMN ASS EMBARRASSING ME. I WAS WONDERING WHAT YOUR UGLY ASS DADDY WAS CALLING ME ABOUT TALKING ABOUT YOU IN TROUBLE. GET OFF MY LINE SO I CAN MESSAGE THIS LIL GIRL!”

“Hi Miss Yani, this is Terrane’s mother. How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“May I ask you to delete the post you made of my son? It’s putting his family through tremendous stress.”

“He made a post of me first and it wasn’t nice.”

“I don’t know if I believe that to be true but I am politely asking you to remove my son from your page.”

“Well you should have taught him to wash his ass then.”

Yani blocked Terrane’s mother immediately after hitting send!

By the end of the day, Yani’s post had been shared 24,000 times with comments all over the place.

Terrane deactivated Facebook and moved to Wisconsin with his grandmother to avoid shame from his locals.

But he was forever nicknamed “Shit Stain Terrane”

“Well Groomed”

Short story by Aysha Bee