JAXON

So I am putting this on tumblr because I don't know what else to do, I want to write this down somewhere. I can't put it on twitter because my friends will see it. I am upset, more upset than I think I've been this last year and it might be hard for me to write this. I put so much effort into having this person first on my priorities, first on my list of people to talk to every day, first thing when I wake up I check my phone to see if you have messaged me, if not i message you with a smile on my face. You don't realize how upsetting this entire argument is for me. I am trying my fucking hardest to say how I feel without being "controlling" but apparently I am terrible at it. All I want is to be happy and have you be the same, by my side. Last night I slept for about 5 hours and woke up extremely anxious and nauseous. I was coughing up blood for 5 minutes and I don't even know why. Arguing makes me so unstable, I can't be productive and I just want to be happy. I don't know why I can't just get over it but it doesn't work, I can't help how I feel about this all I can do is tell the truth. Im fucking crying while writing this like wtf uhhghghg. I would do anything for you and for this to work. None of my friends can relate to me, I can't ask people for advice, I can't not be "controlling", I dont know what to say half the time. If this was anyone else I would have just given up and left. You are someone I want to be with for such a long time and if we can get over this shit I think I will be happy for an extremely long time. My head feels like I could just keep writing until I fall over but when I try to form sentences I get upset. Guess thats it for now.