sunshine baby

first and foremost-- you did well, you did so, so well. alive, you fought for and gave voices to those who were oppressed, those that society tried to shun. after death, you still inspire, and you’re still very, very loved. although i may not have actively stanned you in the last couple of years, you (along with the rest of shinee) were a very, very important part of my highschool years, and i’m thankful for that. 

i’m sorry for a lot of things, although i’ve read again and again that none of us should feel guilt for anything we did or didn’t do. but i still exist as part of this world, so i will apologize for this: i’m sorry this world did not treat you better, that it wasn’t a kinder place for your warm smile. i’m sorry that you struggled so much to shine and the world just kept taking and taking and demanding and demanding that they forgot that behind the bright smile and the beautiful voice, you are after all, only human. your mental illnesses and your depression are real and i’m sorry for all the people who tried to tell you it wasn’t or tried to push the blame onto you. 

i have a lot of mixed thoughts on your passing, because, well... we’re always told that suicide isn’t the way out, to seek help from professionals and people around you. but after reading your will, your thoughts were so dark and you were so tired, baby. the exhaustion weighed down your words so, no, i do not blame you. i only pray that you are in a better place and that the weights have been unloaded from your shoulders and you are somewhere without the pressures of the public, pressures of being an idol, and most important, the pressure that was your inner demons dragging you down.