jasper (he/they)

LOVE getting past that awkward coworker phase and learning those mfs for who they REALLY are… the other day i learned one of my coworkers used to gnaw on the wooden post of her bunk bed growing up and that shit takes COMMITMENT to a person to confess and i now love her even more than i did previously

“dude i don’t know what’s going on but it feels like there’s a hairball in my eye” -real thing i said to a coworker :/

they want us to forget about the epstein files but i gotta REMEMBER 9/11…? get out of my FACE

asked to borrow a tamparooni from a friend and that mf was the size of my pinky… you’d be proud of me mama i said a prayer in that bathroom, i said “lord if there’s a heaven let this tampon get me thru this meal” and i EVEN said amen

100 brits vs 100 americans?? i wanna see 100 brits vs 100 dentists

not straight, not gay, but a secret third thing (left handed 😔)

i always feel so guilty going to other coffee shops besides the shop i work at… it feels like i’m having a scandalous affair and shall be hung upon my return

nothing matters more in my life than the facial expression my mom gives me every time i get another really stupid tattoo

got depressed again. might just disregard the five second rule. i don’t even give a shit anymore

find it rather unfortunate that a common and recurring phrase of mine lately is “hey did you know i graduated high school? like they let me do that. isn’t that CRAZY???”

forgot my dad went missing and had to break that news to my therapist with a solid 9 minutes left in session and it was the hardest doorknob to date i think

hey so i just learned recently that it actually isn’t normal to listen to one song 712 times in one year and that not only is that probably breaking some sort of record for that artist and specific song it’s also probably very autistic of me