Jarandhel Dreamsinger

@flock-of-changes​

I am not unaware of the history. These aren’t different ideas from what I came into the community with. They’re just worded differently.

The belief is that we chose to live this life in this form and be otherkin before we were born. As all souls choose the lives they live and forms they take. I don’t necessarily think that’s universally true, but that’s what they’re talking about in that quote, and it’s part of a very old religious belief about reincarnation.

The second quote refers to the truth that no one but you can define your own identity. We cannot choose what we are but we can choose the labels we use to define ourselves and how we wish to present ourselves. I believe that I am a dragon because my soul has always been such, and that I am fae because I chose to live as one of them, which shaped the nature of my soul. I also chose to live as a crow and made that part of myself. I chose to live as a cat, and a hawk, and many other things, but I choose now not to consider those kintypes because they are not as deeply intrinsic to my nature. I have identified with other kintypes based on other past lives, until I realized they did not fit as perfectly as the labels I wear now. But I did not arbitrarily choose to call myself those things because I liked them, I chose labels based on my experiences and my beliefs about my identity.

In much the same way that I cannot choose my sexuality but I can choose to describe it as “grey asexual” (as opposed to demisexual, or spending two paragraphs explaining details I don’t think anyone needs to know) because that most simply conveys to other people the things I want them to know about me.

We are what we are, and labels are optional, but we can’t take it upon ourselves to change what those labels mean whenever it suits us.

None of this is new and none of it has changed on a fundamental level. The wording evolves over time for clarity, and yes sometimes how it’s presented and the shape of the community changes a little as we come to deeper understanding of ourselves as a community. We’ve welcomed fictionkin into the community with the understanding that they’re not actually that different from elves and such, and accepted that different people explain what we are in different ways. There was a time when some otherkin rejected fictionkin and psychological otherkin. That didn’t change because we redefined otherkin, but because we understand things better now. 

I will concede however that otherkin was not necessarily always the umbrella term it is now. The Silver Elves, the dragon community, and therians evolved as separate groups, and a lot of therians didn’t like the otherkin label for a while, and that has changed.

But the core nature of what we are has not changed, and being otherkin has never been a game, as some people on Tumblr would have you believe.

@flock-of-changes​

I am not unaware of the history. These aren’t different ideas from what I came into the community with. They’re just worded differently.

The belief is that we chose to live this life in this form and be otherkin before we were born. As all souls choose the lives they live and forms they take. I don’t necessarily think that’s universally true, but that’s what they’re talking about in that quote, and it’s part of a very old religious belief about reincarnation.

The second quote refers to the truth that no one but you can define your own identity. We cannot choose what we are but we can choose the labels we use to define ourselves and how we wish to present ourselves. I believe that I am a dragon because my soul has always been such, and that I am fae because I chose to live as one of them, which shaped the nature of my soul. I also chose to live as a crow and made that part of myself. I chose to live as a cat, and a hawk, and many other things, but I choose now not to consider those kintypes because they are not as deeply intrinsic to my nature. I have identified with other kintypes based on other past lives, until I realized they did not fit as perfectly as the labels I wear now. But I did not arbitrarily choose to call myself those things because I liked them, I chose labels based on my experiences and my beliefs about my identity.

In much the same way that I cannot choose my sexuality but I can choose to describe it as “grey asexual” (as opposed to demisexual, or spending two paragraphs explaining details I don’t think anyone needs to know) because that most simply conveys to other people the things I want them to know about me.

We are what we are, and labels are optional, but we can’t take it upon ourselves to change what those labels mean whenever it suits us.

None of this is new and none of it has changed on a fundamental level. The wording evolves over time for clarity, and yes sometimes how it’s presented and the shape of the community changes a little as we come to deeper understanding of ourselves as a community. We’ve welcomed fictionkin into the community with the understanding that they’re not actually that different from elves and such, and accepted that different people explain what we are in different ways. There was a time when some otherkin rejected fictionkin and psychological otherkin. That didn’t change because we redefined otherkin, but because we understand things better now. 

I will concede however that otherkin was not necessarily always the umbrella term it is now. The Silver Elves, the dragon community, and therians evolved as separate groups, and a lot of therians didn’t like the otherkin label for a while, and that has changed.

But the core nature of what we are has not changed, and being otherkin has never been a game, as some people on Tumblr would have you believe.

First and foremost is that you just can't force this kind of help onto someone that will not accept it. Full stop. Secondly, you need to analyze your motives for questioning them in the first place. You can tell yourself you care about their development, that you don't want them to delude themselves, but the moment you try to force help on them that they won't accept (overall or for the time being) you NEED to recognize that it has become selfish at that point, especially if your thought process turns to "but they could harm the community and spread misinformation!"

That is always going to happen. Always. I'm sorry. There is literally no way around it. The community will ALWAYS be invaded by wannabes, roleplayers, and people who just cannot accept that their (equally important!) identities aren't otherkind. Stop wasting your time, effort, and resources on people who won't listen. You cannot, cannot, determine whether or not someone is otherkind for them. Full fucking stop. If you want to correct misinformation, stop throwing it at people who won't listen. Focus on the community you claim to so desperately care about.

You also have to accept that in a community like this, that there WILL be people whose experiences, thoughts, and identities do NOT line up with your beliefs and experiences and expectations. That doesn't mean they haven't done the work, or they're just trying to feel special, or that they're just wishkin. They could be newbies who are just figuring this shit out and need lots of extra time and resources. They could be people who have been struggling with stuff for years and are trying to parse things for their own wellbeing. They could be people whose experiences and reality are literally too different from yours for you to comprehend.

You cannot claim to legitimately care about a community and the people in it if you continue to bully, harass, chase after, and otherwise exclude and put an inordinate amount of effort into hunting down and grilling the people you don't agree with or think "need the experience". If a wannabe is a wannabe, they'll grow out of it. If someone is wrong about kintypes, or about being otherkin, they will realize it in time.

And ultimately, it literally doesn't concern anyone but them. If you are worried about a lack of proper information, make posts. Network. Share these things, find people who will help you distribute them. If you are worried that someone is mistaken about something, make gentle suggestions and corrections and be prepared to cut your losses if they simply will not accept help.

Critical thinking and self-exploration are solely the responsibility of the individual and nobody else. If someone refuses to do these things, the one being most hurt by it is them. If someone cannot be bothered to learn, don't waste your time. You can't save everyone. And you definitely can't save the people that can be saved the same ways. And if someone just won't do the work? Leave them. Cut your losses. That is THEIR choice and THEIR responsibility.

Do I agree how a lot of sections of the "community" are behaving? Absolutely not. But it's not my responsibility to clean up because I'd rather spend my time helping people who will listen, not screaming at a bunch of kids who decide this is about "kinning to cope/for fun". They aren't part of the community in my eyes, and are not worth wasting resources on. People have thrown resources at them constantly and they've made up their minds.

I'd rather discuss with people who will listen to reason, and not be a jerk, and keep an open mind. If people forget that there's work to be done or refuse to acknowledge it, that is not my fault. You can lead a horse to water, etc. etc.. Pushing myself onto people will only make them more defensive, and it's high time people picked up on that and realized that education by force is not gonna cut it.

Yes, some people will be geared more towards helping newbies and that sort of thing is absolutely vital. But I don't have the patience for that, nor do I have the desire to. Communities need to be flexible, and that means accepting that if people are going to misuse something, that is their fault.

Forgive me for being tired, but I've been in enough communities that have benefitted far more from nurturing their own spaces and providing for the people those communities were made for as opposed to obsessing over the wannabes and confused/terrified/disgusted onlookers, and the otherkind community NEEDS to do that and has needed to for a long time.

We will never be normal to the general populace. Nor should we strive to be. That ruins the whole fucking point of having spaces like this in the first place. Yes, it's important to say that if you're doing this for fun, or to cope, or because you think it's a result of a mental illness, that you aren't in the right place. But people will ignore that from all angles and that needs to be understood so resources can be allocated elsewhere.

I'm just far more interested in cultivating a space for those of us who are otherworldly and nonhuman to be able to be ourselves, explore and experiment in peace, and discuss amongst ourselves than working ourselves up into a fury and frothing at the mouth over all the people who always will exist who dislike us or misuse our community.

Let me explain before you get upset. 

Otherkin, fictionkin, therian… these are things you are, not things you do. 

“Kinning” as a word indicates that it’s something you do. 

You don’t kin as something, you are kin because you identify AS something. 

This rephrasing makes me profoundly uncomfortable because the core of being kin of any kind has always been, “it’s not something you do, it’s something you are”. 

AKA Shibaken is an Identity Policing Asshole.

Yes this whole essay will use the cutie mark switch song from My Little Pony because I feel like it. Rock on.

This is a five part rambling essay to being otherkin and keeping your sanity. It’s surprisingly easy!

First and foremost is that you just can't force this kind of help onto someone that will not accept it. Full stop. Secondly, you need to analyze your motives for questioning them in the first place. You can tell yourself you care about their development, that you don't want them to delude themselves, but the moment you try to force help on them that they won't accept (overall or for the time being) you NEED to recognize that it has become selfish at that point, especially if your thought process turns to "but they could harm the community and spread misinformation!"

That is always going to happen. Always. I'm sorry. There is literally no way around it. The community will ALWAYS be invaded by wannabes, roleplayers, and people who just cannot accept that their (equally important!) identities aren't otherkind. Stop wasting your time, effort, and resources on people who won't listen. You cannot, cannot, determine whether or not someone is otherkind for them. Full fucking stop. If you want to correct misinformation, stop throwing it at people who won't listen. Focus on the community you claim to so desperately care about.

You also have to accept that in a community like this, that there WILL be people whose experiences, thoughts, and identities do NOT line up with your beliefs and experiences and expectations. That doesn't mean they haven't done the work, or they're just trying to feel special, or that they're just wishkin. They could be newbies who are just figuring this shit out and need lots of extra time and resources. They could be people who have been struggling with stuff for years and are trying to parse things for their own wellbeing. They could be people whose experiences and reality are literally too different from yours for you to comprehend.

You cannot claim to legitimately care about a community and the people in it if you continue to bully, harass, chase after, and otherwise exclude and put an inordinate amount of effort into hunting down and grilling the people you don't agree with or think "need the experience". If a wannabe is a wannabe, they'll grow out of it. If someone is wrong about kintypes, or about being otherkin, they will realize it in time.

And ultimately, it literally doesn't concern anyone but them. If you are worried about a lack of proper information, make posts. Network. Share these things, find people who will help you distribute them. If you are worried that someone is mistaken about something, make gentle suggestions and corrections and be prepared to cut your losses if they simply will not accept help.

Critical thinking and self-exploration are solely the responsibility of the individual and nobody else. If someone refuses to do these things, the one being most hurt by it is them. If someone cannot be bothered to learn, don't waste your time. You can't save everyone. And you definitely can't save the people that can be saved the same ways. And if someone just won't do the work? Leave them. Cut your losses. That is THEIR choice and THEIR responsibility.

I get that some people took it to flaunt it at antikin, to prove that it doesn’t hurt them. I get that some people just use it because they think it’s funny, or because they like it for whatever reason. I get it. And I really don’t care if you call yourself that. None of my business.

But boy am I tired of people calling the entire community “kinnies,” when most of the people I talk to don’t actually like the term or being referred to by it. I am in particular extremely tired of reading a post that’s very good, very well-written, and then having to sigh and debate whether or not to reblog it because I really do hate being called a “kinnie.”

And I get it, it’s personal preference, which is why I don’t go around telling people not to use it unless they’re using it directly in reference to me. But to me it’s just… it feels immature, and childish, and condescending, and I don’t like that being applied to what is in fact an integral part of Who I Am. I don’t like treating my identity, part of the core of my being, like a joke or something to be taken lightly. It is serious. That’s the nature of the beast, if you will. In my personal opinion, “otherkin” is not a word that should have a diminutive applied to it (ie, “kinnie”).

Obviously I’m not going to go around telling people to stop. Even if I’m tempted sometimes.

Just… please, think a moment before you apply “kinnies” to the whole community? I understand that the anti “kinnie” opinion can come off as “hurr bdurr no fun allowed” sometimes, but there is a reason many of us don’t like the word being applied to us and our experiences.

If your fictionkin identity is Absolutely Human, does that count as “otherkin”?

(Asking because on one hand, it’s “fictional”, which works differently re: Reality and Physics and Relevance and Relativity. But on the other hand, being human is just… still being human.)