MY BORING LIFE

I grew up with you. You made me feel like we were siblings you (Kuya Alan), Kuya Dwin and Ate Janice. When I was little, you used to say these to me “Buds mengan na ka?” “Atin nasi ken” “Ayni atin ulam” a caring kuya. You also joke about “the fish” “buntuk ning isda mu ing balu mung kanan kanita”. Hahahaha! When “Apu” (grandma) passed away, you consistently checked on me if i was okay. I appreciate that you've always looked out for me. THANK YOU!

Time flies! We grew up so fast. All of a sudden, you have your own family and we have our own individual lives.

I suppose I didn't get the opportunity to express my gratitude for everything. That “Little Buding” has great and wonderful memories with you.

I hope you are okay now. Please wag mo akong takutin. 😅 I love you Kuya Alan. 🤍

We knew whether it would work out or not, but chose to ignore our instincts and that tingly feeling in our hearts.

Instead, we opted to believe in maybes, give chances, and hold onto hope.

I wake up wanting to forget him already.

Some days, I cannot remember how he smiles.

I wanted to tell him the truth about how bitter I feel regarding what happened.

The love with nowhere to go hurts in a way that makes my stomach twist and my heart crack open.

I want to end this. I swear I do.

I don't want to experience another year like this, but it taught me that I can handle more than I thought and keep going, no matter what.

It didn't happen overnight.

I stopped explaining my pain and waiting to be chosen.

Finding out about it made me realize how deeply I trusted you.

I’m feeling hurt, betrayed, angry, and confused, which makes me question everything we had.

I want to be clear that I cannot forgive you for what happened.

The trust is broken, and your actions hurt me deeply.

I hope you're doing well. I wish you all the best. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I appreciate the good times, and I'm grateful for the lessons we've learned together. I'll always appreciate the memories we made.

Please don't get me wrong, this isn't easy for me.

I guess this is my last goodbye.

I'm sorry that giving up feels like my only choice.

Someday, we will be fine.

Don't worry about me, I know I will be alright.

I won't check if you're okay.

I will let the day pass quietly.

Instead of writing to you, I will write to myself, embracing my own journey.

Instead of asking if you are okay, I will ask myself the same, and trust my own inner guidance.

Instead of reminding you that I care, I will remind myself that I deserve care too, and that I am enough.

During conflicts, I make an effort to understand your point of view and ask questions. Yet, I find myself apologizing unnecessarily. Is this my fault?

Your sudden silence is more painful and the feeling of not knowing what's wrong is overwhelming.

I recognize I have a tendency to overanalyze, which can make me toxic and negative.

To: 🌙

All things are temporary.

Regardless of whether it is good or bad, everyone will eventually forget.

I'll make the most of every minute.

I won't argue and will go with the flow instead.

No hard feelings.

Life Update:

In recent days, I have experienced persistent feelings of sadness, accompanied by a growing distrust of others. Instead of feeling secure in sharing my emotions, I am repeatedly disappointed.

In my car, coffee in hand, I think about my vacation, anxiety rising as I face leaving my comfort zone, but I breathe deeply to reassure myself.