I have an extremely heavy decision on my shoulders that will change the rest of my life for good or bad. The deadline for that decision is this damn week. I'm decisive and I already know what I want to do, but there's a few problems and disadvantages to it. Outside of those problems, DID is another fucking curse. I as a part have this big decision in my hands, the other parts might not agree with me but it will be too late. The decision is mine, and the consequences are theirs. I will change my life and probably ruin theirs. Once my plan is final and put in action this week, they have no chance of saving it if they wanted to. I'm not even the host and I have these massive responsibilities that will change his life. I happened to be fronting a while because of multiple triggers that he isn't equipped to deal with, but I'm fronting at a volatile time where things are going to change and I'm the one at the wheel. He worked so hard and waited so long to build this up and I'm going to destroy it in a week because we have very different fucking opinions on this.
I've been here done that. I know how pointless enduring shit is, there's no positive to playing any fucking waiting game. Sure, I'm anxious; life is just repeating itself in a different format. It's fucking testing me.