jane

NOTE: i haven't wrote anything since I was like 15 so forgive me if this sucks also English isn't my first language.Feedback appreciated !! Hope someone finds and enjoys this.

Two minutes had passed since my last answer; it didn’t seem like a while to be silent, especially with Marty and Rust.Still they seemed to be looking at me as if I was having a seizure.I blinked a few times more before focusing back on Marty and his hundreds question of the night.

“So ? You gonna meet my wife or make me keep dealing with stupid jealousy ?”

At first I didn’t care about working with male detectives; I thought seeing dead bodies and trying to understand their tragic destinies would make everyone serious and respectful but an hour into meeting them I could hear the entire station’s comments how they were lucky to work with a  ‘chick’ how they hoped I would get shared around.I never cared much about these comments since Marty was Married and Rust well he seemed liked he’d preferred talking to a door than to me.

After a month of working together attitude ras replaced by respect and mutual jokes as we went from strangers to colleagues.Focused silences Rust and I shared always clouded by Marty’s curiosity and cheerfulness.

Almost every night at 8pm while I was aching to get back to my lonely appartement.Where I would lay in silence and Rust would ride his red truck to get back to his « empty » appartement or at least Marty thought that’s what the decoration was giving (‘it looks like he moved in a week ago and didn’t have money for furniture’) Marty would offer to go to the bar.He always promised me it would be fun would get us ‘closer’ and he’d swear ‘the closer the better the work team!’.Marty could be a salesman if he wanted to; his blond hair and typical American face made him friendly in a way.I would always smile to his joke as distasteful as they could get.And so eventually I would follow to the bars wondering why his wife let him drink instead of coming home and taking care of her.

I often thought about her. ’Maggie’ Rust whispered she was pretty once and ever since I wondered what pretty looked like to him and to Marty.Not that I was jealous of course Marty and I almost felt like good friends which seemed to surprised everyone cause anyone with tits and a living heart seemed to catch his dick’s interest.

So i’d go wondering if I was Maggie physical opposite, if she was skinnier or smaller than me.The kind of figure men liked on women; the kind that made them believe they could scoop them up in their hands.But then maybe it was her personality that was prettier or softer.Of course Maggie wasn’t a detective; she didn’t see corpses without blinking or worrying about being in their place because maybe Maggie cared enough to be alive to remain delicate and pretty.

I shove those jealous thoughts away and with genuine care I wonder what kind of women she really is and  whatever what answer I got I concluded if she was my wife I wouldn’t be at a bar with the two weirdos I saw all day long.

But of course I’d never have a wife and I’ll pretty surely never be one.

As i was about to answer the feeling brushed my brain, not Maggie but the idea that Rust in all is mysteriousness could describe someone as pretty.Sure he was a men and just like any other his dick must get hard and his eyes must follow women walking by every once in a while but still it confused me.What kind of hair would he prefer ? What figure would he be into ? Would he call me pretty ? Maybe they had already discussed that together.Marty probably saying he couldn’t be into me for some reason and Rust probably agreed with him.

Burrying myself in these thoughts didn’t seem to help as Marty seem to call for my name.

“You ‘right ? Seems like there’s a ghost in front of you.” he chuckled while turning his face to Rust sitting in front of me.He didn’t seem to mind the joke but his only movement was to bring his newly light cigarette to his mouth closing his rather thin lips around it.

The sight of it brung chills up my spine.

It had been a week since I dared myself to stop smoking.Stupid but comforting habit I picked up as a teen.What used to be cigarettes every once in a while had turned into few every day to eventually almost a  pack a day.

As shameful as it was to admit the habit came from Rust.The smell on his shirt when he passed by me at the station, the smell on his hand at the rare occasions he handed me a piece of evidence or simply the sight of him lighting a smoke every time his body felt discomfort or boredom.

I was grown enough to smoke all I wanted, Sure Marty would give me hell about guys not wanting a girl with ‘yellow teeth’ or a ‘stinking breath’.But it was my own arrogance who betrayed me, after Marty call us addicted I shrunk my shoulders and mustered that I could quit anytime.Rust hadn’t care enough to comment at my false promise although like Marty he knew I could never.But when Marty made a bet out of it I had to win.

When a cloud of smoke reached my face I looked at Rust’s eyes with frustration.Of course he was allowed to smoke but never had I seen him leave a puff into the air, he somehow managed to keep it all in his lungs.I would always wonder then what shade of dark his lungs must be and just how his skin managed to look this smooth under all those substance abuses.

Rust seemed to catch my frustration immediately and I could swear I had seen the smallest smirk a mouth could offer appear on his face.

After a breath I glanced back to Marty who seemed unaware of his colleague’s pettiness.  

“If it makes you happy I’ll meet your wife, how about barbecue ? I can bring dessert, Rust you’ll take care of drinks right ? I bet you’re looking forward to seeing Maggie again” My smile must have seemed a little forced because if Marty was pleased by my answer Rust swallowed down on air and at that.I tried to notice if he had read the glimpse of jealousy or if he was annoyed at the allusion of his prior comment about Maggie.

Trying to avoid his gaze I replaced the long hair on my shoulders while glazing down at the ashtray like a child would look at a birthday cake. A second later rust was smashing the butt of his cigarette into it and it almost took me an animalistic amont of force to not reach into the ashtray and close my lips on the same place Rust’s were a second before.Once again he had noticed before I could acknowledge it myself, his hands reached in his shirt’s pocket and then he reached for a cigarette  putting it onto his lips

“Wan’ one ?” He didn’t even bother looking at me already lighting his and I denying his offer by shaking my head before gulping on the beer bottle in front of me.

I figured I would choose Marty’s poison instead of Rust’s.

Minutes turned into hours which had eventually just turn into rounds of beers.After about the fifth I looked up the clock to see it was already past midnight.Marty had just excused himself home complaining about Maggie’s reaction if he didn’t come home again.Which made me think of the nights he hadn’t.Nights where we probably hadn’t even gone out.

I thought Marty’s absence would help me focus on the silence and relax but as always Rust’s presence felt as heavy as a stone.He was studying me shamelessly while I was looking into my beer can as if I could read my futur in the blond liquid.

“You quiet ‘night” Rust let out in a low tone I mustered the little courage left in me to look at his face hoping to catch a smile only to notice him staring through me.Him studying me as if trying to get a confession out of me.

“Dunno what to say” I whispered playing with my almost empty bottle.

“That’s a first.” he huffed and I almost chocked on my own saliva; the idea of him humoring me almost made me wished I could rewind time and listen to his tiny laugh at night.Maybe it would help me sleep soundly or it could be put at use some other way.I scratch my hands embarrassed of these shameful dreams.

“Thought I’d have to excuse myself or fake a migraine to shut you up but you’re almost boring me.” he chuckled putting his cigarette back to his lips.I smile awkwardly watching a bit of burning ashes hitting his arm.My face wince at the sight but he didn’t seem to mind it one bit.I doubted then that he was even human.His sharp jawline and dark eyes making him appear like some magical creature, sometimes when he looked at me he’d feel like a vampire ready to leap at my blood.

A part of me wanted to lick at his forearm then, perhaps to get a reminder of the tobacco ashes taste I missed so much or maybe just to ease the burning sensation on his body.Or simply to taste him, because even though unlike cigarettes I had never tasted him I felt like I missed him very often.

Instead my hand reached to brush the ashes off his arm; he moved back less than an inch but still enough for me to notice I had surprised him or maybe disgusted him with my touch.His head turned to the side then looking out the window his other arm hanging on the top of the booth’ couch.

« Maybe I wanna hear your voice ‘stead of mine today.» I offered so we both could stop thinking about the physical contact.His eyes looked at me then and I knew then I was in trouble.

« Didn’t have to accept Marty’s offer y’know? » he said studying me.Another puff from the cigarette and I’d swear I would jump on him here and there reaching for either his lips or the cigarette.

I sigh heavily realizing his first idea of conversation would go back to Marty and his fucking wife.Maybe it was the withdrawals or the one too many beers I had but frustration was growing into some sort of unjustified anger.Still I knew better than to show him because I knew I could loose him at the first implication.Knew he’d have no trouble calling it a night and leaving the bar with a simple ‘night.’

« Maggie met you dunno why I shouldn’t do the same.Wanna keep her to yourself ? » I chuckle drier than my mouth at the moment.

« ‘Ts not like that.Just don’t think you’ll like it.She’ll ask plenty questions » he explains as if he was better than me at interacting with others.

« Im sure ill manage.No boyfriend.No kids.No family.Well of course ill take another beer thank you! » that earns me a genuine laugh from him and I smile back with a sort of shameful pride.Like a student looking at their teacher for approval.The age gap between me and the boys hadn’t really matter since I was already a proven good detective before this case, after a few grumpy judgments from Marty we managed to work efficiently.Still the occasional ‘good thinking’ or even simple nods after smart observations from Rust would make me blush.

A moment of silence settled again but this one seemed almost peaceful, Rust looked at me every once in a while and I did the same having no idea what was flowing through his pretty head.I knew mine was filled with thoughts he’d probably scoff at if he could hear.They were eventually interrupted as he downed his beer in a second and got up.

« Come on, can’t spend all night here.I’ll get you home girl.» I almost fell back to my seat at the pet name.It wasn’t unusual to hear a sweetheart or darling from Marty, but Rust as professional as he is would always stick to my name.

I watched him set a few bills on the table too lost in my dirty mind to even think about splitting the bill; only focused enough to follow him to his red truck.Every now and then I’d get in.Either for a ride to the bar or to my place or rarely to follow a lead.He stopped in front of it waiting for me while lighting a cigarette.Eventually both of us got in and before he could start the engine he stopped and looked at me.

« What ? » He said dryly as if I was a stranger looking at him the wrong way during a dangerous night.He had turned his face fully to me eyes glaring hard enough to burn my skin.

His tone almost made me shake the fear of annoying him harsh enough to make me want to erase the entire night.

He seemed to notice it on my face before I could regain composure because his eyebrows straightened down and he cleared his throat.

« You ‘okay ? Looking at me like ‘got a bug on me or sum» he watched every little movement I made before I answered almost like he was ready to jump for me at the first worry.He repositioned himself in the driver’s seat which shook me awake or maybe sent me dreaming.

« Fine; just miss these more than I thought » I gestured at the cigarette between his lips and he appeared to be considering my answer for a moment.Perhaps weighing the truth of it.Wondering if I had looked at them more than I had his lips.

when he seemed pleased with his reflexion he moved slowly towards my seat, only ever stretching to reach me, he placed his middle finger onto my bottom lip stroking it for only a second  before forcing my mouth open.As his hand stroked my jaw his other placed the cigarette between my lips.And has my lips closed around them taking a drag long enough to burn down my throat he kept his hands exactly in place.Maybe to keep control on the cigarette or to see if it was truly smoke I missed or his unknown touch.After a minute too much of staring at each other he let go of my jaw and took the cigarette back into his lips starting the engine and driving as if I’d only imagined the moment.I felt betrayed just then like someone denied dessert or like an orgasm was stolen from me.shame was washing over me for the impact of this such small gesture.Pants probably drenched from a movement that wouldn’t even shock a teenage girl.

The ride was fully silent then leaving me in a heat the hottest southern night couldn’t produce.

After a while I could feel sweat glistening from me as Rust’s truck slowed down in front of my place.Rust turned back towards me a newly light cigarette between his lips.

« ‘Night, girl » his eyes were so cold like we were merely strangers and an anger reached my mind as if we were a married couple and he was giving me the cold shoulder.Before I could calm myself I reached for the cigarette.Face only an inch from his and I inhaled  only to blow it back into his mouth closing it with a kiss.At first Rust felt like dead weight under my lips and fear washed over me maybe I crossed the line from just a fun or bored flirtation to something he didn’t desire;Me.

But right before I could back down and apologize his lips met mine crushing into the kiss like he hadn’t eaten in years.His arm reached to the back of my head pulling me closer hurriedly.I whined at the feeling of him needing me and he took it as a sign to push his tongue against mine.Tobacco and beer breath swirling together.The kiss felt like it lasted all night because when I pulled back we were both panting like we’d been running a marathon.When I looked down I could see him growing in his jeans.I smiled to myself before reaching for the truck’s door handle.

‘Night Rust; don’t tell Marty you got me hooked again » I mustered walking to the door without looking back afraid if I did I’d have to rip him appart or beg him to tear me apart.