Janelle Washburne

How do you greet your partner after a long day out at work or home with the kids? Do you quickly rush by your partner to put down your bags or go to the bathroom? Or do you make eye contact, smile and have a long, lingering, big bear hug?What about when you wake up in the morning? How do you say hello to your partner? Do you race out of the house for your workout class or to get the kids out the door to school? Or do you set your alarm 15 minutes earlier to snuggle a bit longer?How do you say goodbye when you leave for the day? Do you yell goodbye from the other room or does your partner stay in bed asleep without saying hello or good bye in the morning?

Taking the time to say hello in the morning and after work, as well as saying goodbye for the day are vital to keeping your relationship alive, happy and healthy! We rush around from activity to activity with barely a glance at our partners, but a deep, purposeful eye gaze can create an amazing connection with your partner. And who among us won’t like more of a connection with our partner?

We all long to be seen, heard and valued. By sharing these quick moments but doing so in an intentional way can jump start your relationship to feeling closer and more cared for. As Stan Tatkin states, “you need to have the owners manual on your partner” and one way to learn more about your partner is through how you say hello and goodbye. Stan states this is vital to relationship connection and happiness.

Here’s some ideas of how people say hello and goodbye that I see in my couples-sex therapy practice:

Make breakfast together Eat breakfast together Snuggle in bed 15 minutes early each day and at night Shower together Have a cup of coffee/tea together Have “couch time” where you sit and talk about things that “really” matter Long, lingering hugs am/pm Gaze kindly into each others eyes last thing at night Make eye contact anytime you are talking with each other State 3 things you appreciate about your partner from the day (say it like you really mean it!) Read a book to each other before you go to sleep Play a game in bed before sleep Face caress: touch each other’s face like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen them Help take out kids or bags to your partner’s car and bring them in at night

Have fun playing with these ideas. I look forward to hearing how you and your partner say hello and good bye to each other. Happy Connecting…

Most people will experience trauma in their lifetime whether it’s a car accident, abuse or neglect, the sudden death of a loved one, a violent criminal act, exposure to the violence of war, or a natural disaster.

While many people can recover from trauma over time with the love and support of family and friends and bounce back with resiliency, others may discover effects of lasting trauma, which can cause a person to live with deep emotional pain, fear, confusion, or posttraumatic stress far after the event has passed.

In these circumstances, the support, guidance, and assistance of a therapist is fundamental to healing from trauma.

Trauma Symptoms

According to the four types of symptoms listed in the DSM-5

Avoidance Symptoms

Avoiding specific locations, sights, situations, and sounds that serve as reminders of the event

Anxiety, depression, numbness, or guilt

Re-experiencing Symptoms

Intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks

Hyperarousal Symptoms

Anger, irritability, and hypervigilance

Aggressive, reckless behavior, including self-harm

Sleep disturbances

Negative Mood and Cognition Symptoms

Loss of interest in activities that were once considered enjoyable

Difficulty remembering details of the distressing event

Change in habits or behavior since the trauma

Research has proven psychotherapy to be the most effective form of treatment for trauma. Most commonly, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) are used in treating trauma.

Stigma-free, affirming therapy for LGBTQIA+ Individuals

Do you live outside of the heteronormative-cisgender box?

Have you been to other supposed “LGBTQIA+ “friendly” counselors who had no idea what you were talking about or were not supportive?

Could you use a safe space to process your feelings and assess your goals?

Or maybe you’re seeking intimacy or relationship counseling from someone who understands where you’re coming from.

If you can relate to any of the above, then you’ve come to the right place.

Stigma, in any form, is an impediment to the well-being of those who experience it. Given the stressors that LGBTQIA+ groups must confront, such as homophobia, prejudice, coming out, and discrimination, finding a therapist who is openly LGBTQIA+ friendly or who specializes in LGBTQIA+ issues is crucial to your personal growth.

As an affirming LGBTQIA+ therapist, I am committed to helping clients of all genders, sexual identities and expressions feel not only safe but truly respected, heard, and seen.

When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps in the road every so often, other couples find themselves in bigger trouble, with neither party knowing exactly how to fix things.

If you are in a relationship that is no longer feeling healthy, here are 5 warning signs that it may be time to try couples counseling:

1. There is No Longer Healthy Communication

Once you have a communication breakdown, you are unable to rationally share thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. Beyond this, unhealthy communication tends to leave one or both partners feeling depressed, angry and hopeless.

2. Trust Has Been Broken

When there has been infidelity, it is very difficult for the couple to rebuild trust and repair the damage. While there is no magic pill to recover from an affair, a therapist can offer tools and strategies to rebuild trust.

3. You’re More Like Roommates

If you and your partner act more like roommates than romantic partners, this indicates a lack of intimacy and a potential need for professional help.

4. One or Both of You Has Begun Acting Out

You try to mask your real feelings for as long as possible, but then you start to act out the hurt and resentment you may be feeling. For instance, if your partner has been unfaithful and you have agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out. But over time you find yourself lashing out, acting rude and trying to make them believe you are having an affair so they will feel the same kind of hurt. This acting out is unhealthy for both people and is a BIG indicator you need to seek some help.

5. When the Only “Solution” Seems to be Separation/Divorce

A break from negative energy can be very helpful to the relationship. But when a temporary break leads to more and more time away from home and someone renting their own apartment, this indicates a need for counseling. Spending time away from home usually doesn’t lead to any real resolution, just more distance.

Are you feeling disconnected, unloved or lonely in your relationship?

Have you become too busy to have time for each other?

Has your communication or relationship felt like a mine field?

Are you and your partner living like roommates without a sexual spark?

Unfortunately so many relationships fall into disrepair.

Your relationship deserves your time and attention.

Together we’ll make it better than EVER!!

Learn the “SECRETS” of great communication

End fights faster and more productively

Create more closeness and connection

Have the relationship that you’ve been craving

Discover how to balance mismatched desire

Be the happiest couple in the room

I offer an Accelerated Private Immersive Program (in person) where we can accomplish more FASTER or traditional 50-110 minute Couple Therapy (via teletherapy).

I’m an interactive and engaged therapist/coach who will help you learn to relate and communicate with each other in a healthier way that works for both of you. I’ll show you how to have a GREAT relationship that works for both of you!! LETS GET STARTED…

The private accelerated immersive program options consist of:

1. Reconnect with Passion Program (Bronze): includes a full day one on one couples session to solve problems and get you back on track. OR

2. Ignite the Passion Program (Gold): includes a full day one on one couples session, 3-2 hr follow up sessions. We’ll create long lasting positive effects in your relationship with follow up sessions to stay on track. OR

3. Passion for Life Program (Platinum): includes a full day one on one couples session, 6- 2 hr follow up sessions. In this program you’ll become your own experts on your relationship and you’ll know how to keep the passion ALIVE long term!

In just the first day of the Immersive Couple’s program we’ll accomplish what takes 3-6 months to do in traditional therapy. The immersion program is offered IN PERSON also.

Email me today to find out more.

My practice is poly and kink-aware and LGBTQIA-inclusive. I respect all races, cultures, religions (or none), ages, ethnicities, abilities, and erotic templates.

*There is no sexual contact between the couple or between the couple and therapist during this program.

Getting the Most from Relationship Therapy:

Transparent, kind, and respectful communication is the foundation of all healthy relationships. I can show you how you can feel more engaged and capable of sharing as you learn new relationship tools and skills. You’ll learn how to deal with complicated subjects, presented in a way that allows for open yet sensitive discussion.

Repairing a relationship is a team effort, and I offer the support and coaching you need to do it. You will learn practical skills that you can use at home on your own. You’ll feel empowered to move toward a healthy, positive, satisfying, intimate relationship. Each relationship is unique. Let me tailor your relationship retreat just for YOU!!

“I do.” Two simple enough words. And when you say them on your wedding day, you really mean them. But “I do” can quickly turn into, “I thought I could” when you don’t know exactly who or what you are committing to.

Let’s face it, relationships are tricky and it’s important that you and your partner are 100% open and honest with one another before tying the knot. And that’s exactly why premarital counseling is so beneficial.

Premarital counseling helps couples identify and address potential areas of conflict before those issues have a chance to turn into serious problems. Couples also learn effective communication skills and conflict resolution strategies.

Here are some specific benefits of premarital counseling:

Learn More About Each Other

We always think we know our partner until they do or say something that surprises (and irks) us. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper, more intimate level.

Confront Challenges Head-On

Couples don’t always discuss potential areas of friction at the beginning. And then real life comes at them and arguments happen.

For instance, what do you do if you find out each one of you has a different opinion about how finances should be handled? If one of you wants to home school but the other wants your kid to go to public schools?

Premarital counseling offers couples a space to identify potential challenges head-on.

Make Plans for the Future

The brightest futures are the ones with the best-laid plans. Couples counseling can help you create a clear vision of what you want your future to be. A counselor can help you both discuss your individual goals and dreams and how you can combine these to create a future where both of you reach your potential as individuals, as a couple, and eventually as a family unit.

If you and your partner would be interested in exploring premarital counseling, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Have you ever wanted more sexual intimacy than your partner? Have you felt pressured for more sexual intimacy than you wanted? If so, you might have mismatched sexual desire but it doesn’t have to be this way forever. Whether you’re in a same sex or mixed sex relationship or dating, here’s a few tips that will help you become more intimately matched.

There’s usually a HDP (higher desire partner) for sexual intimacy and a LDP (lower desire partner) for sexual intimacy according to David Schnarch (Intimacy and Desire) Home » Crucible 4 Points. There can also be mismatched desire for who wants what for dinner; steak or tofu? Or what to do for the weekend, chores? Or a car trip? Sexual intimacy is just one other area where you and your partner are different and that’s ok. With a little understanding and negotiation, things can feel better for both of you. Here’s how…

Let’s check in on a few things first: how’s your relationship outside the “bedroom”? John Gottman refers to the Four Horsemen which can erode any relationship. The Gottman Institute | A research-based approach to relationships Is there contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness, or criticism in your relationship? If so, this will create a lack of warmth and openness therefore creating a barrier to emotional and sexual intimacy. Create a TEAM approach in order to cultivate friendliness and warm heartedness in your relationship. Think of your relationship like a garden. These four horsemen are weeds that grow and choke out any possibility of having a beautiful flower garden (ie. sexual intimacy). Stop the “weeds” from taking over your relationship garden, water it with attention, appreciation and positivity, then your relationship garden has a better chance of blooming emotionally and sexually.

Take time for your relationship. So many people make time to workout, help kids with homework, clean the garage, go to work, see friends and family (all of which is important) but where do you as a couple come into the picture? Last? For many couples their relationship is last on their “to do” list and they’re exhausted by the time they go to bed each night. What you make a priority in your life will thrive and grow stronger, your relationship is no different. How do you show your partner that they are the most important thing in your world? For ideas, look no further than the Five Love Languages quiz by Gary Chapman. Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages®

The five ways you like to be shown love according to Gary are: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time or gifts. Share with your partner how you feel most loved and find out which of these are most important for your partner, then give them to each other. For example, if you had a birthday coming up and I asked you what kind of birthday cake you would like and you said “chocolate cake with chocolate frosting” and I brought you strawberry cheesecake (my favorite) would you be thrilled? Happy? Or disappointed? You’d probably feel like I didn’t hear you or care about what you desired. Therefore, give your partner what they want regarding their Love Language. You’ll hit the mark and make them happy. Then you’ll both win.

Start one step at a time toward creating intimacy. Your love life didn’t disappear over night and it won’t (probably) come back over night. Consistency is key in proving to each other that you’re in this together.

Another helpful tip is to think about your relationship like a 3 layer cake with a table as the foundation. (Created by my colleagues Lisa Thomas at Online Couch Counseling - Couple and Sex Therapy Services and Neil Cannon at Dr. Neil Cannon Sex and Relationship Therapist in Denver, CO) What kinds of things do you need for a strong relationship foundation? Trust? Honesty? Love? Respect? Create your own list. Then the first layer of the cake would be “hugs and kisses” activities…what else would you add to this list of needs? Perhaps holding hands or putting an arm around each other would feel lovely. The second layer of the cake are “making out behaviors”…what other fun things would you add to this list? Maybe some naked cuddling or deep kisses. Write down more of your ideas. The third layer of your relationship cake are “sexual intimacy” items…what do you like to do intimately with each other? What would you like to add? Be creative. Start at the bottom of the relationship cake, don’t forget the foundation, and work on the area that seems to need the most attention. Yes, it may feel awkward, just like anything you haven’t done for awhile (the gym?) but have fun with it and be playful. Remember, you’re on the same TEAM, work together.

Try these 3 tips to create more connection and watch your emotional and physical intimacy grow, flourish and feel more satisfying for both of you. Remember this is adult play; flirt, woo, have fun, nurture each other and watch your garden come alive and bloom.

Our mental health significantly impacts our quality of life, so it makes sense that we would want to do all we can to improve it. This may include things like eating healthy foods, exercising, and getting enough quality sleep each night.

But there is something else that greatly influences our mental health and that is a community and a sense of belonging. Human beings are wired for connection. When we feel connected to others, we feel loved and supported. Friends can often help alleviate the stress in our life because our friends are there for us to lean on.

If you have been feeling alone and isolated, here are some ways you can find your own community and begin to connect with others:

Go with What Interests You

What activities and hobbies do you have? You may want to join a book club or take a painting lesson. If you’re athletic or used to playing a sport in school, maybe you could join a local team. You’ll no doubt find it easier to connect with others who enjoy doing the same things you do.

Volunteer

Being of service to others is highly rewarding, and volunteering is also a great way to connect with others who share similar values. What causes do you feel passionate about? What charities do you support? Check out their website or give them a call to see what volunteering opportunities they may have available.

Connect with Something Bigger Than Yourself

Do you have a particular religion or spiritual practice you connect with? Maybe it’s time to get back to your church or try taking that meditation class you’ve been thinking about. Is there a political cause that speaks to your heart? Helping others reach a meaningful goal can be a great way to find purpose in your own life.

Humans are not meant to be alone. We need to socialize. If you have been feeling down, now’s the time to go out and make some new connections.

And if you’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for some time and could use someone to talk to, please give me a call.

*Are you wanting more from your relationship and sex life?

*Are you living like roommates and too busy to connect?

*Do you have mismatched sexual desires or low desire?

*Has there been an infidelity that is creating a wedge in your relationship?

*Are you struggling with sexual pain, trauma or unpredictable erections?

There is HOPE! You are not broken!!

-Learn ways to reconnect, emotionally and physically.

-Discover how endless arguments about sex that can be resolved quickly and peacefully.

-Solve the issue of mismatched desire patterns.

-Learn ways to resolve sexual difficulties, pain and traumas together as a sexual team.

I offer traditional 50-80 minute sessions (via teletherapy) OR an ACCELERATED PRIVATE COUPLES IMMERSION PROGRAM (in person) to fix issues FASTER!!

Learn the SECRETS to a great sex life and relationship from a seasoned AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) Certified Sex Therapist.

What’s the difference between “traditional” 50-80 minute couples therapy and the immersive program?

TRADITIONAL COUPLES THERAPY: -Teletherapy appointments -Loss of momentum -Change happens to slowly -Just when you get to the heart of the matter your time is up and you have to go. -There’s not enough time to cover everything that was important to talk about that week. -Other things get in the way of appointments…schedules, travel plans, work, etc

IMMERSIVE PROGRAMS: -In person appointment -Go deep and change patterns -Resolve issues completely -Creates momentum for change -Faster progress -Leave feeling invigorated regarding the relationship -Get insider therapist tips and tools to use immediately

Here’s the options:

-Private Accelerated Couple Sex Therapy Immersive Programs:

1. Reconnect with Passion Program (Gold): includes a full day one on one couples session to solve problems and get you back on track. OR

2. Ignite the Passion Program (Platinum): includes a full day one on one couples session, 3-2 hr follow up sessions. We’ll create long lasting positive effects in your relationship with follow up sessions to stay on track. OR

3. Enroll in a 2 day Immersive Program: includes two full days of digging deep into your relationship and creating long lasting change using new tools and skills. This is a great option for a couples “retreat” whether you’re in Denver or coming from out of town.

In this program we will accomplish in the first day what it usually takes 3-6 months to do in traditional therapy. This option is offered in person!!

*There is no sexual contact between the couple or between the couple and therapist during this program.

A Positive Environment for Everyone

I am an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) focusing on attachment and Sex-Positive Therapy.

SEX-POSITIVE THERAPY

As a Sex Positive therapist addressing your sexual concerns requires a welcoming, affirming, and supportive space. You deserve to be heard, seen, and respected in our work together.

Sex Positive Therapy values all aspects of sexuality, reduces shame, reinforces self-esteem, and strengthens intimate relationships. I provide space to find healing from sexual shame and trauma. You are not broken. I will support you in your journey to find your sexual voice and identity. As a result, you will be closer to living authentically as your true self.

My practice serves the LGBTQIA community and I am poly and kink-aware. When you visit me for therapy, you can expect an inclusive, respectful environment that serves relationships, couples and individuals of all identities and expressions.

Sexual therapy can help in addressing a variety of issues, including:

Mismatched Sexual Drive and Desires, Open Relationships, Orgasm Difficulty, Painful Intercourse, Pelvic Pain, Polyamory, Sex “Addiction”, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Orientation wonderings, Sexual Trauma, Compulsive Sexual Behaviors, Erectile Dysfunction, Gender Identity exploration, Infidelity and Trust Concerns, Kink and BDSM, LGBTQIA Concerns, Low Libido or loss of Sex Drive.

*Please note that my practice only provides talk therapy. There will not be any nudity or sexual contact between the therapist and the client or between clients.

Therapy for Sexual Trauma: A Space to Heal

The ability to form close, sexual relationships through physical intimacy varies from person to person. A history of sexual abuse, broken boundaries, emotional disconnection, or traumatic experiences can make sexual intimacy confusing and difficult. As a consequence, these complications may affect an individual’s ability to establish and maintain safe, healthy, intimate relationships.

If you have experienced sexual trauma, healing is possible. I CAN HELP! I assist clients through sexual abuse therapy and EMDR therapy (when indicated). This type of therapy can help you to regain a positive sexual self-concept and voice. I help you to reclaim their sexuality, feel healthy, and experience pleasure in a way that is most comfortable for you.

Do you feel depressed, lonely or anxious? Do you have trouble feeling your feelings or expressing them? Do you want to create better relationships with friends, family or co-workers? Are you looking for a place to feel seen, heard and valued? You’re not alone.

Many people experience these emotions at different points in their lives and need a place to share and work through their feelings and life events. Whether it’s been a lifelong struggle, you’re going through a particularly difficult time or you want to grow and become a more authentic YOU! I’m here to offer you support, compassion and HOPE that things can get better.

“The roots of resilience…are to be found in the sense of being understood by and existing in the mind and heart of of a loving, attuned, and self-possessed other.” -Diana Fosha

Be seen, heard and valued…

In the midst of smaller or big life decisions, having a compassionate, understanding sounding board is essential, that is why I offer individual counseling. Through one-on-one counseling, you can process your emotions at your own pace and in your own way. In my practice, I strive to create a supportive, caring, inclusive environment where you can work through your feelings and thoughts with an objective person who will brainstorm with you or just listen, depending on your needs.

What is EMDR Therapy?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. EMDR is a set of standardized protocols that incorporates elements from different treatment approaches.

How does EMDR work?

EMDR therapy is an integrative psychotherapy and uses a technique called bilateral stimulation to repeatedly activate opposite sides of the brain. Therapists often use eye movements to facilitate the bilateral stimulation. These eye movements mimic the period of sleep referred to as rapid eye movement or REM sleep, and this portion of sleep is frequently considered to be the time when the mind processes the recent events in the person’s life.

EMDR seems to help the brain reprocess the trapped memories is such a way that normal information processing is resumed. Therapists often use EMDR to help clients uncover and process beliefs that developed as the result of relational traumas, or childhood abuse and/or neglect. For a more detailed explanation please visit EMDR Institute, Inc.

What does EMDR help?

EMDR had been originally established as helpful for PTSD, although it’s been proven useful for treatment in the following conditions:

Panic Attacks

Complicated Grief

Dissociative Orders

Disturbing Memories

Phobias

Pain Disorders

Performance Anxiety

Addictions

Stress Reduction

Sexual and/or Physical Abuse

Body Dysmorphic Disorders

Personality Disorders

None of the above symptoms or experiences fit you?

Do you experience distressing emotions that appear to you, and perhaps to others, to be excessive given the current situation? Do you tend to be highly reactive to certain triggers? Is there one or more dysfunctional belief that you believe about yourself that on an intellectual level you know is not true?

If so, you may still be a good candidate for EMDR therapy.

Most people will experience trauma in their lifetime whether it’s a car accident, abuse or neglect, the sudden death of a loved one, a violent criminal act, exposure to the violence of war, or a natural disaster.

While many people can recover from trauma over time with the love and support of family and friends and bounce back with resiliency, others may discover effects of lasting trauma, which can cause a person to live with deep emotional pain, fear, confusion, or posttraumatic stress far after the event has passed.

In these circumstances, the support, guidance, and assistance of a therapist is fundamental to healing from trauma.

Trauma Symptoms

According to the four types of symptoms listed in the DSM-5

Avoidance Symptoms

Avoiding specific locations, sights, situations, and sounds that serve as reminders of the event

Anxiety, depression, numbness, or guilt

Re-experiencing Symptoms

Intrusive thoughts, nightmares or flashbacks

Hyperarousal Symptoms

Anger, irritability, and hypervigilance

Aggressive, reckless behavior, including self-harm

Sleep disturbances

Negative Mood and Cognition Symptoms

Loss of interest in activities that were once considered enjoyable

Difficulty remembering details of the distressing event

Change in habits or behavior since the trauma

Research has proven psychotherapy to be the most effective form of treatment for trauma. Most commonly, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) are used in treating trauma.

Are you feeling disconnected, unloved or lonely in your relationship?

Have you become too busy to have time for each other?

Has your communication or relationship felt like a mine field?

Are you and your partner living like roommates without a sexual spark?

Unfortunately so many relationships fall into disrepair.

Your relationship deserves your time and attention.

Together we’ll make it better than EVER!!

Learn the “SECRETS” of great communication

End fights faster and more productively

Create more closeness and connection

Have the relationship that you’ve been craving

Discover how to balance mismatched desire

Be the happiest couple in the room

I offer an Accelerated Private Immersive Program (in person) where we can accomplish more FASTER or traditional 50-110 minute Couple Therapy (via teletherapy).

I’m an interactive and engaged therapist/coach who will help you learn to relate and communicate with each other in a healthier way that works for both of you. I’ll show you how to have a GREAT relationship that works for both of you!! LETS GET STARTED…

The private accelerated immersive program options consist of:

1. Reconnect with Passion Program (Bronze): includes a full day one on one couples session to solve problems and get you back on track. OR

2. Ignite the Passion Program (Gold): includes a full day one on one couples session, 3-2 hr follow up sessions. We’ll create long lasting positive effects in your relationship with follow up sessions to stay on track. OR

3. Passion for Life Program (Platinum): includes a full day one on one couples session, 6- 2 hr follow up sessions. In this program you’ll become your own experts on your relationship and you’ll know how to keep the passion ALIVE long term!

In just the first day of the Immersive Couple’s program we’ll accomplish what takes 3-6 months to do in traditional therapy. The immersion program is offered IN PERSON also.

Email me today to find out more.

My practice is poly and kink-aware and LGBTQIA-inclusive. I respect all races, cultures, religions (or none), ages, ethnicities, abilities, and erotic templates.

*There is no sexual contact between the couple or between the couple and therapist during this program.

Getting the Most from Relationship Therapy:

Transparent, kind, and respectful communication is the foundation of all healthy relationships. I can show you how you can feel more engaged and capable of sharing as you learn new relationship tools and skills. You’ll learn how to deal with complicated subjects, presented in a way that allows for open yet sensitive discussion.

Repairing a relationship is a team effort, and I offer the support and coaching you need to do it. You will learn practical skills that you can use at home on your own. You’ll feel empowered to move toward a healthy, positive, satisfying, intimate relationship. Each relationship is unique. Let me tailor your relationship retreat just for YOU!!

“I do.” Two simple enough words. And when you say them on your wedding day, you really mean them. But “I do” can quickly turn into, “I thought I could” when you don’t know exactly who or what you are committing to.

Let’s face it, relationships are tricky and it’s important that you and your partner are 100% open and honest with one another before tying the knot. And that’s exactly why premarital counseling is so beneficial.

Premarital counseling helps couples identify and address potential areas of conflict before those issues have a chance to turn into serious problems. Couples also learn effective communication skills and conflict resolution strategies.

Here are some specific benefits of premarital counseling:

Learn More About Each Other

We always think we know our partner until they do or say something that surprises (and irks) us. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper, more intimate level.

Confront Challenges Head-On

Couples don’t always discuss potential areas of friction at the beginning. And then real life comes at them and arguments happen.

For instance, what do you do if you find out each one of you has a different opinion about how finances should be handled? If one of you wants to home school but the other wants your kid to go to public schools?

Premarital counseling offers couples a space to identify potential challenges head-on.

Make Plans for the Future

The brightest futures are the ones with the best-laid plans. Couples counseling can help you create a clear vision of what you want your future to be. A counselor can help you both discuss your individual goals and dreams and how you can combine these to create a future where both of you reach your potential as individuals, as a couple, and eventually as a family unit.

If you and your partner would be interested in exploring premarital counseling, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Have you ever wanted more sexual intimacy than your partner? Have you felt pressured for more sexual intimacy than you wanted? If so, you might have mismatched sexual desire but it doesn’t have to be this way forever. Whether you’re in a same sex or mixed sex relationship or dating, here’s a few tips that will help you become more intimately matched.

There’s usually a HDP (higher desire partner) for sexual intimacy and a LDP (lower desire partner) for sexual intimacy according to David Schnarch (Intimacy and Desire) Home » Crucible 4 Points. There can also be mismatched desire for who wants what for dinner; steak or tofu? Or what to do for the weekend, chores? Or a car trip? Sexual intimacy is just one other area where you and your partner are different and that’s ok. With a little understanding and negotiation, things can feel better for both of you. Here’s how…

Let’s check in on a few things first: how’s your relationship outside the “bedroom”? John Gottman refers to the Four Horsemen which can erode any relationship. The Gottman Institute | A research-based approach to relationships Is there contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness, or criticism in your relationship? If so, this will create a lack of warmth and openness therefore creating a barrier to emotional and sexual intimacy. Create a TEAM approach in order to cultivate friendliness and warm heartedness in your relationship. Think of your relationship like a garden. These four horsemen are weeds that grow and choke out any possibility of having a beautiful flower garden (ie. sexual intimacy). Stop the “weeds” from taking over your relationship garden, water it with attention, appreciation and positivity, then your relationship garden has a better chance of blooming emotionally and sexually.

Take time for your relationship. So many people make time to workout, help kids with homework, clean the garage, go to work, see friends and family (all of which is important) but where do you as a couple come into the picture? Last? For many couples their relationship is last on their “to do” list and they’re exhausted by the time they go to bed each night. What you make a priority in your life will thrive and grow stronger, your relationship is no different. How do you show your partner that they are the most important thing in your world? For ideas, look no further than the Five Love Languages quiz by Gary Chapman. Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages®

The five ways you like to be shown love according to Gary are: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time or gifts. Share with your partner how you feel most loved and find out which of these are most important for your partner, then give them to each other. For example, if you had a birthday coming up and I asked you what kind of birthday cake you would like and you said “chocolate cake with chocolate frosting” and I brought you strawberry cheesecake (my favorite) would you be thrilled? Happy? Or disappointed? You’d probably feel like I didn’t hear you or care about what you desired. Therefore, give your partner what they want regarding their Love Language. You’ll hit the mark and make them happy. Then you’ll both win.

Start one step at a time toward creating intimacy. Your love life didn’t disappear over night and it won’t (probably) come back over night. Consistency is key in proving to each other that you’re in this together.

Another helpful tip is to think about your relationship like a 3 layer cake with a table as the foundation. (Created by my colleagues Lisa Thomas at Online Couch Counseling - Couple and Sex Therapy Services and Neil Cannon at Dr. Neil Cannon Sex and Relationship Therapist in Denver, CO) What kinds of things do you need for a strong relationship foundation? Trust? Honesty? Love? Respect? Create your own list. Then the first layer of the cake would be “hugs and kisses” activities…what else would you add to this list of needs? Perhaps holding hands or putting an arm around each other would feel lovely. The second layer of the cake are “making out behaviors”…what other fun things would you add to this list? Maybe some naked cuddling or deep kisses. Write down more of your ideas. The third layer of your relationship cake are “sexual intimacy” items…what do you like to do intimately with each other? What would you like to add? Be creative. Start at the bottom of the relationship cake, don’t forget the foundation, and work on the area that seems to need the most attention. Yes, it may feel awkward, just like anything you haven’t done for awhile (the gym?) but have fun with it and be playful. Remember, you’re on the same TEAM, work together.

Try these 3 tips to create more connection and watch your emotional and physical intimacy grow, flourish and feel more satisfying for both of you. Remember this is adult play; flirt, woo, have fun, nurture each other and watch your garden come alive and bloom.

When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps in the road every so often, other couples find themselves in bigger trouble, with neither party knowing exactly how to fix things.

If you are in a relationship that is no longer feeling healthy, here are 5 warning signs that it may be time to try couples counseling:

1. There is No Longer Healthy Communication

Once you have a communication breakdown, you are unable to rationally share thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. Beyond this, unhealthy communication tends to leave one or both partners feeling depressed, angry and hopeless.

2. Trust Has Been Broken

When there has been infidelity, it is very difficult for the couple to rebuild trust and repair the damage. While there is no magic pill to recover from an affair, a therapist can offer tools and strategies to rebuild trust.

3. You’re More Like Roommates

If you and your partner act more like roommates than romantic partners, this indicates a lack of intimacy and a potential need for professional help.

4. One or Both of You Has Begun Acting Out

You try to mask your real feelings for as long as possible, but then you start to act out the hurt and resentment you may be feeling. For instance, if your partner has been unfaithful and you have agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out. But over time you find yourself lashing out, acting rude and trying to make them believe you are having an affair so they will feel the same kind of hurt. This acting out is unhealthy for both people and is a BIG indicator you need to seek some help.

5. When the Only “Solution” Seems to be Separation/Divorce

A break from negative energy can be very helpful to the relationship. But when a temporary break leads to more and more time away from home and someone renting their own apartment, this indicates a need for counseling. Spending time away from home usually doesn’t lead to any real resolution, just more distance.

Our mental health significantly impacts our quality of life, so it makes sense that we would want to do all we can to improve it. This may include things like eating healthy foods, exercising, and getting enough quality sleep each night.

But there is something else that greatly influences our mental health and that is a community and a sense of belonging. Human beings are wired for connection. When we feel connected to others, we feel loved and supported. Friends can often help alleviate the stress in our life because our friends are there for us to lean on.

If you have been feeling alone and isolated, here are some ways you can find your own community and begin to connect with others:

Go with What Interests You

What activities and hobbies do you have? You may want to join a book club or take a painting lesson. If you’re athletic or used to playing a sport in school, maybe you could join a local team. You’ll no doubt find it easier to connect with others who enjoy doing the same things you do.

Volunteer

Being of service to others is highly rewarding, and volunteering is also a great way to connect with others who share similar values. What causes do you feel passionate about? What charities do you support? Check out their website or give them a call to see what volunteering opportunities they may have available.

Connect with Something Bigger Than Yourself

Do you have a particular religion or spiritual practice you connect with? Maybe it’s time to get back to your church or try taking that meditation class you’ve been thinking about. Is there a political cause that speaks to your heart? Helping others reach a meaningful goal can be a great way to find purpose in your own life.

Humans are not meant to be alone. We need to socialize. If you have been feeling down, now’s the time to go out and make some new connections.

And if you’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for some time and could use someone to talk to, please give me a call.