Jannet Gabriela

visiting family has been nice, but i hate their lack of kindness when it comes to personal matters.

I honestly don’t think i’m able to have kids and it’s been hard coming to terms with that but they keep pressuring me with questions about having kids and i fucking hate it.

And everyone asking me about when my wedding is when I don’t even know if it’s going to happen. We’re planning on taking a break soon and potentially calling off the engagement, so I don’t wanna fucking talk about it.

if i do start dating again any time soon, I don’t want it to be with a man, so that makes the child thing even more of an issue.

when i bring up the possibility of adopting, I get hit with “it’s just not the same. you won’t actually know what it’s like to be a mom” and that breaks my fucking heart more than anything because i would be great fucking mother.

And my dad is guilt tripping me into coming back and helping my brother run the family business so that he can retire, as if it’s my responsibility.

And my mom wants me to move back as soon as i get my engineering degree and keeps pushing the education field on me because “that’s the only way you can be there for your family” when I don’t want to do that. And i don’t want to feel like I’m being selfish for not taking that route either.

I’m sick of everyone having on input on my life, but i’m ever more sick of how they make me feel so guilty about not doing what they want. But they’re so good at getting to me, especially my dad. He has a way of making you feel like deviating from his path would be an automatic failure when he’s not even happy on the path he tries to sell you.