Jan Abel Books

I need to start this out by saying it took me a while to get through this book. (I started it in...October? Maybe September?) Not to say it wasn't good! But I am...not a Hallmark-style story person, and this book sort of had that structure. For someone who is NOT bookish and into that style, this could probably rate higher, but it's just not my cup of tea.

That being SAID, the ending of this book was such a neat wrap up, and the fact it was at Christmas just made it all the better since I'm writing this blogpost about a week and some chance until Christmas.

I also really loved that this has a POC as both the main character and the love interest (not that the love story was the biggest part of this story). I actively need to work more on reading diversely in the new year, but I'll be damned if this wasn't a good place to start :)

So earlier in this year, my coworker recommended what she called a "dark romcom" to me. Now, I am not a romcom person on a good day, but I was also intrigued—read: confused—on what in the hell a "dark" romcom was. That dark romcom was Lights Out, the first book in this series. (If you look further back in my blog, you'll find a review on that book too.)

But let me put you on this book in as little words as possible: mafia son, childhood love-turned-cam star, more than one scene in a catholic church. Need I go on?

On top of the spice, it genuinely has some great moments talking about making sex work safer for people, as well as familial trauma and the effort it takes to break a cycle. And in case you were curious, yes the romcom is still very much alive in this book. How in the hell Allen does it, I have no clue, but I am in awe either way.

Dear Kid,

This month has had a lot of looking back at your own queerness (yes, I said queerness). And it can be a scary thing. I know about the first time you wondered, and I know how far down you shoved the very idea, because it was okay, so long as it was someone else.

You have a good heart, kid, but sometimes you have to remember you're allowed to break the mold. You're allowed to be loud, and messy, and outspoken, and mean. One day you will be, I can promise that much.

One day, you'll find yourself fed up with the world around you. You'll feel like a coward for keeping your head down while others fight. And there will be a night where you're driving home and some words will echo through your mind. Call it the muses. Call it divine intervention. Call it a use for your English degree.

People are free, because others are brave.

You'll spend the next weeks trying to read, trying to learn, trying to connect to a community that in the past you kept at arms-length, something to be acknowledged but not prideful in.

Kiddo, some things won't be easy, and I wish I was able to shield you from the rougher or harder times. But I can also promise you that things will be okay. You'll have a family you can joke with, and friends who become a different kind of family. You'll find a community, and—as cheesy as it sounds—you'll find a part of yourself you didn't know you were missing.

Be brave, Kid.