JaM Vengeance.

paid the bank $1450 for the mortgage paid the lawyer $1000 to help us evict the people living for free upstairs gone to court nothing happened. one week left, until Friday is what i told myself last week. i gots to tell myself that again, until friday next court. then they have a week to get out. i'll tell myself until friday again soon, mail came in, $400 for the "escrow" we must pay it, these letters with chase on it got me feeling some type of way... 1. we poor 2. this house, our house, aint really ours 3. there are bad people out there 4. this summer sucked 5. owning house doesn't get easier

and finally 6. can we win the lottery

They sit at home eating dinner.  

Lucy looks at her plate and wonders why

She wonders why mom is always angry when she cleans

She wonders why dad is always tired when he comes home

She wonders when they’ll be able to own a dog and name him cupcake

“Ma, cuando nos vamos a mover de casa?”

“Que cosas dises?! Esta es tu casa”

“Pero quiero pintar mi cuarto amarillo y tener un perrito”

“No un pero no”

“Pero porque?”

“Porque no”

She frowned at her plate, she was frowning at the world.

“Voy al bano”

In the bathroom, Lucy cries.  Because she doesn’t want them to see her cry, to barge in a room and ask, “y ahora porque lloras?!”

In the bathroom Lucy could lock the door without having her family ask why

Lucy cried because her mom didn’t give her answers, she just said no.

She knew there was more.  Their house was not a family house.  There house was a building and people lived upstairs and downstairs.

In car rides, going down North Ave. there is a big house on Wrightwood.

I want to live there one day.

A big house for me and my family.

Cupcake running in the front lawn

No one telling us anything.

Lucy left the bathroom and sat back at the table.

She finished her food and took her plate to the sink.

“Maybe mom’s mad because I don’t wash my dish?”

She washed her plate and turned off the water,

“Si bas a lavar un plato nomas, mejor no laves ninguno”

She was mad again.

She was always mad,

She yelled in the morning to get us up,

She yelled at night to put us to bed.

Lucy learned to cry in silence.

So that her unanswered questions would not wake her sister

“Why God? Why do other people have more money? Why are other people always happy and my family always fighting?  God I promise, if you make my mom and dad happy I will pray to you every night.  Thank you God, En el nombre del padre, del hijo, del espíritu santo, amen”

Some Days they were happy,

Dad would take us to the park, I would play with Sophie and Roberto and it would be fun.

But other days they would fight again

And i didn’t know what to tell God,

Because mom always said, “no digas nada malo de dios”

But i promised god.  

I wished on a shooting star

And on my birthday,

I threw a penny in a fountain,

And nothing.

I wondered what people said to god for him to hear them.

Lucy went to her room where Sophie was.