i love clit (classic literature)

"I'm a monster fucker" and the monsters are Gerard Butler with a light rug burn on his face and Jacob Elordi in blue makeup. Girl, please.

all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.

Your fear of drawing big noses is holding you back. Embrace the big nose. Heed its call.

there are people at Loving Me Island even though it's a pain to travel and it's a conscious decision to stay there and i feel like the scenery isn't nice enough to warrant all that effort but they're really insistent that it's nice and it's worth it to go there even though i think it sucks but i'm really glad that they're staying there and i hope they never leave and it's really hard but i wanna go there someday too because everyone there is saying it's wonderful so there must be something really cool on Loving Me Island and i guess i just have to see it for myself

Reblog this and tell me what was your biggest crying over a piece of fiction. You can be vague if you don't want to spoil.

ppl love to call will uptight and rule-abiding like he didn't go patrick bateman on the first pirate he saw the second port royal was under attack jack said pirates cheat at fights and will took that to HEART he never worried about swordfighting ethics ever again in his swagless butch life please watch the movies with your eyes open before you post it's getting tiring x

this feeling may be deepened beyond where it would usually be because i have to hear it five to six times every day on the work radio like an edgar allan poe story but JESUS i hate that dumbass taylor swift ophelia song so much. “ophelia wouldn’t have committed sexy feminine suicide if she just had a dangerous unstable man with abysmal communication skills there to dick her down” what are you talking about. what are you FUCKING talking about

I GOTTA give these people an ominous prophecy. Yeah, dude, they really need an omie prophie right now.

manager today asked if i’d face paint for an event my work is hosting and she said “you can face paint, right? we all just assumed you could face paint” which is a fun assessment of my character

harsh words from one of the muppet babies

today i rang up a customer at work for $13.36 and i said with such genuine cheer "uh-oh! two years before the plague hit England, if anyone cares!" and i watched the customer's eyes as they were clearly taken aback and then tried to pretend to be interested at all. they made such a valiant effort. they were like I don't wanna damper this guy's plague enthusiasm. They said, very awkwardly, "haha, uh-oh!"

I wanted to tell a 3 year old today "oh please stop that!" but instead I said "CEASE AT ONCE'" and they looked at me weird

everyone who is an excellent writer thinks they suck and will never get published. everyone whose writing sucks ass is actually getting published and displayed in barnes and noble

google how to explain to my coworkers that criminals aren’t real and were just made up by Big Prison to sell more racism