Jamious.

Hi guys, been awhile, trying to start this back up, whuddup

My heart is at home when I'm with you. You brought out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen.

Hold on, okay so scary things. I've just thought about this. Who decided that certain things were "scary"? Like, ghosts and demons and creatures and whatnots. Like, i would say it has to be a psychological things for humans right? I mean, something in our minds tells us, omg it's dark, it's abnormal, that means it's scary. But really, technically though, if we all grew up living with the idea of any of that stuff, we'd all be fearless because it'd be a norm for us. Literally, it's scary to us because it's all set in our heads that we're supposed to be afraid of it all.

I'm going to be entirely honest here. I would have never known that it was even possible for me go through this. Yes, i've been depressed before. But never to this extent. Constantly having to hold back that frog throat cry. The weak, almost about to collapse to your feet feeling that you get because you simply just don't have the strength for anything anymore. Pretending to be okay for the ones you love, even though they know something's up because they know your fake smile from your real one that has washed away ages ago. But they patiently wait for you to express the feelings that they will never understand so you never tell them. When you just want and need someone to hold you but you don't know whether to push them away so you can cry in peace, or to cry on their chest. Depression is hard because you lose sight of what happiness is. You become so insecure that you start to hate everything about yourself. Even if the love of your life reassures you that you are beautiful, but that no longer matters. You are numb. You cry yourself asleep at night because thoughts of suicide isn't an option. You want more than anything to get better. You're vulnerable and putting on red lipstick and a dress still doesn't make you feel any better than how you felt the night before. Listening to happy music makes you sadder because as much as you want happiness, it's not there. Yes, depression i never thought would happen to me. But i refuse to believe that i'm broken and not just bent. I will get through this.