TACTILE

Julia honestly couldn’t stop looking at him, couldn’t stop thinking of how some things looked the same and some looked vastly different. He had facial hair now, had glasses now. He was wearing outer layers but she could tell he was more filled out now, less awkward teen/early-twenties and more…well, adult. He was a man now. But his eyes were the same, the same quirk of his lips, the same easy demeanor that always made her felt at ease and…and safe. God, she always felt safe with him. And ‘safe’ was something she’d been struggling with for a long, long time lately. She swallowed again, trying to get herself under control.

But before she could even think out her next move, before she could even try and open her mouth to speak again, he was suddenly moving, in her space in the blink of an eye.

With her sister and the kids, they all knew to move with caution, to hug her slowly. Jamie didn’t have any of those reserves. She expected to tense up, for her breathing to stutter and stop. But….it never came. It was like her goddamned psyche knew it was okay. So instead of going rigid, she melted, feeling like she was letting out a breath she’d been holding for six years.

Julie leaned heavily into him, all thoughts of his wallet still in her hand forgotten as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She barely reached his shoulder, face burying into his neck for a moment and she closed her eyes, feeling the pressure building. She didn’t let herself cry though, and she hoped the single tear that escaped her and that had soaked into his shirt had gone unnoticed as she gripped him tight, practically clinging to him. “Y-You too.” if you only knew…

James didn’t want to let go, not with the way Jules melted into him, so sweet, always so sweet, fitting perfectly against him. He inhaled, enjoying the scent of her, heart still beating too-quick, the novelty of seeing her, of having her here, in New Eden, not yet worn off. James didn’t imagine it ever would, if he were honest. He’d spent six years without his best friend, he wasn’t going to spend another moment parted from her.  

He placed a kiss into the crown of her head before pulling away, fucking giddy, of all things, a goofy smile stretching wide across his mouth. He could hear Grey taking the piss outta of him in the back of his head -- Bobbi too, the midget. 

He reached up, action unconscious, to run the back of his knuckles along the curve of her jaw before his grin widened and he pinched her cheek, just like he used to when they were kids. 

“You have time for me today, Jules?” He asked her, feeling strangely nervous. But, he didn’t want to part from her, not yet. “I can buy you lunch?” 

“That’s Officer.” Grey corrected him, matter of fact, as he glanced up to where James pointed at. It wasn’t lost on him that correcting rank was just another thing he and Richard ended up having in common. Much as he loathed to have anything in common with his father at all. 

“You actually get any work done these days?” He asked, hefting up one of the duffels, Grey nodded his brother towards the other and headed up the stairs.

“Don’t worry, I’m used to sleeping through anything.”

James snorted. “Right, Officer. How could I forget? Must be the civilian in me.” He moved then, to grab at the other duffel Grey had brought with him. He quirked a brow at his brother -- he really hadn’t expected him to say no, had he? Not that he would've, no matter how strained their relationship. 

“Who do you think’s been fixing all the busted up store fronts? Sure as hell wasn’t Santa,” he retorted, already starting up the stairs, guiding Grey to the living room. 

She had to be dreaming, surely that must be it. Because Julia never thought she’d get to see him again, talk to him…and yet here he was, solid and real and now it felt like her heart was racing, about to pound itself right out of her chest. 

Julie couldn’t not notice the way his eyes flickered to her bare neck and she swallowed, feeling reality swamp back down onto her like a bucket of ice water being doused over her. Last time she’d seen him she was saying goodbye, tears streaming down her face and fear flickering in her gaze. She’d made him promise not to come to the ceremony, didn’t want him to see it happening. Not even a year later Michael changed her phone number, cut off contact with him. 

But now he was here again, right in front of her. Unconsciously she took a half step forward, swaying towards him like a magnet, her own fingers twitching at her sides, wanting to reach out and grab, to touch and make sure he was real. “I-I did..” she breathed out, suddenly feeling her throat closing up a bit, a pressure building behind her eyes. “But..but I…I’m back now?” She blinked quickly a few times, adamant to keep herself and her emotions in check. “I..–for good. I think.” I hope. She managed to give him a tiny little smile, breathing his name out again- one she hadn’t even said aloud in over five years. “..Hi Jamie.”

It felt like a lifetime ago that Julia had disappeared from his life -- slowly, at first -- moved away by her Dom, to a new city, her texts coming in fewer and fewer spurts until his own went unanswered. He’d looked for her, worried, but her parents had been less than helpful and he hadn’t exactly been at his best. Drunk every night, finding any and every reason to fuck up his life. In some ways, he was happy Julia hadn’t been here to witness his spiral into disaster; that she was here now instead to witness him at his best. 

Look at what I can give you, he wanted to show her. Look at what I can provide, look at the security I can offer. James was a better man now than he had been when they were kids. He’d been such a dumb fucking teenager, not even realizing what he’d had in Julia, what she meant to him until shed was being whisked away, collared by another Dominant -- one that wasn’t him. It still felt wrong, a pit in his stomach he couldn't ever rid himself of, most especially when he slept and scened with other women. 

It was never enough. They were never enough. They weren’t Jules. 

He didn’t miss the way she stepped towards him, action involuntary, like she couldn’t help herself. Then she looked at him, so small, so vulnerable and heart-wrenchingly beautiful, saying his name. Fuck. 

Fuck, he was screwed. 

Grey crossed his hands over his chest, ignoring Jamie’s comments. There had been a time Jamie had managed to make him and Derek laugh from across the dinner table so much so that they all ended up sent to their rooms mid-dinner.

“Guess so,” Grey commented, moving around the shop, a sardonic smile on his lips at the mention of rules, biting back a comment about apples and trees that would do neither of them any favor. “Sure,” He agreed. “But if I’m going to have no beer, you’re waking up at five to run with me.” Grey nodded towards his bags. “Where’s your couch.”

James sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as Grey claimed they were going to get up at the crack ass of dawn to go running. There was a reason James never got around to joining the military, rampant alcoholism aside. He almost remarked how Richard-esque of him, but decided saying so would likely just piss Grey off. He settled for a disgruntled noise instead. 

“Exactly,” Grey answered, frowning. “It’s seven am, what are you doing still sleeping.” God knows their father never considered waking up after six to be anything but lazy. He didn’t wait for an invitation, pushing past James to walk inside.

“I’m going to stay at yours for a few times a week.” Grey said. “I can’t exactly look for rentals right now so and I was staying at a friend’s place before all this…”

James’ laugh sounded more like a scoff. “It’s Saturday,” he said, like that explained it. Besides, he’d been up late, shaping wood to replace Mary Ann’s store front sign that had been fucked by some asshole with nothing better to do. 

He grunted as Grey pushed past him, bulldozing his way into shop like he own the place. He snorted. “Sure, come right in,” he called after Grey sarcastically. 

Julie’s heart stopped at the sound of the voice, of her name. It absolutely stopped, she was sure of it. Or maybe she was dreaming- that could very much be a possibility too. Because there was no way…. But then the man was turning towards her, and her breathing stopped right along with it. 

Her jaw dropped a bit, lips parting and a shaky exhale leaving her as she blinked up at him. He was a bit taller….older, sharper edges on his face (even if they were hidden behind a beard and glasses) but… “..Jamie?”

Julia had always been beautiful -- he’d known that, had often told her that in an effort to get her to put herself out there. But, seeing her now -- older, hair still the same soft, chestnut brown, face somehow prettier in her maturity, he couldn’t stop staring. She was still a great deal shorter than him, so much so, he was looking down at her and fuck if that didn’t get to him. 

His eyes immediately went to her neck next, expecting to find that other man’s collar there, the biting sting of regret already pooling in his gut, but --- but, it wasn’t there. Something like hope sprouted in his stomach, its reach twisting up his throat, damn near choking him into silence. He cleared his throat, awkwardly. “What are you doing here?” He wanted to touch her, suddenly, but refrained, keeping himself in check. Still, his hand twitched at his side. “I thought you left New Eden.”

Grey huffed, casting annoying glances at his phone considering reaching to anyone else, but he knew James was the safest option.

Knocking on the shop’s front door, choosing to ignore the closed sign, after he’d rang the bell twice. “It’s me.” Grey added once he heard noise from the other side. “Mom told me you’d be awake. I need to talk to you.”

@jamie-ward​

James jerked open the door, looking a proper disgruntled mess, hair sticking up in every which direction, eyes tired, glasses forgotten at his bedside. He squinted at Grey, the last person he wanted to see. Fucking jackass that he was. 

“Oh, you need to talk to me at,” he glanced tired at the clock on the wall. “Seven AM.” He rubbed a hand down his face. “What do you want?”