until the very end

He winced as light flooded the room, blinding him until his eyes adjusted, having been sitting in the darkness for far too long. He licked his lips to wet them, closing his eyes, trying to prepare his voice for speaking again, it having been days since he bothered to use it.

His gaze settled on James as he sat across from him, his words pressing in around him. He didn’t know what to say in reply.

Remus was gone and he might never come back. It wasn’t something a person just blurted out. Especially not when he’d ripped his heart from his chest and taken it with him. He’d finally thought he’d found someone, like James had Lily, but he imagined he should have expected better. Blacks didn’t find happiness. It was their family’s curse.

With a discreet nod of his head, he flicked his hair out of his eyes, meeting James’s gaze.

“Of course I am, mate. You’re here,” he said carefully, leaning forward, hand patting his knee. “Things have just been…different lately.” His teeth dug into his lip, head cocking to the side. “Remus called his mother and went off somewhere. Think he needed a vacation or something. I don’t know.”

Instead, he decided to ask about it later.  After he had gotten the purpose for his visit out of the way.

Still, James had news that he was bursting at the seams to tell Sirius.  Grinning as Sirius gave him the opportunity, his grin only grew.  “Lily said yes.  I’m getting married.”  Despite the fact he had been replaying that fact over and over in his head ever since they’d gotten engaged, it still didn’t seem possible to him.  For half a second, he tried to fight back the joy welling inside him, but it grew too strong and James’s laughter rung throughout the cabin.  “Married.  Me.  Can you believe it?”

Tugging at the hair on back of his head, James took a deep breath to try and steady himself.  “But that leads me to a more important matter, obviously.”  Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he knelt down in front of his best friend and pulled out another ring box.

It was dark and silent in the cabin, each movement seeming to echo in the empty spaces of the building that had once felt like home. 

How everything had fallen apart, he had no idea, but it left him feeling hollow and lonely.

Remus had left, his room vacated, the refrigerator empty — he never had learned how to cook, what was the point? He hadn’t had the heart to message his friends yet, to let them know that their mate had run off to Merlin only knows where. That was, unless he went to be with them, and he had no clue.

He didn’t understand what had gone wrong, why he hadn’t even said goodbye, if he’d ever return. He felt like he couldn’t speak about it, unsure if revealing their relationship to those they cared about was even wise, if when he did come back, he would resent him for it.

He sat mindlessly in his favorite chair, smoking a cigarette, trying to figure out where he went from here. The one person he had revealed his heart to had rejected him. How could he cope with that?

A knock at the door had him sitting up, a wave of his wand opening the door as he tried to straighten his clothes to look more presentable. There was no need to cause anyone he cared for worry.

“Come in,” he called out, not concerned that it might be someone from the other side sent to assault him.

At the time, it had been a joke when James had promised to buy Sirius a ring.  But, somehow, it seemed the right way to break the news.  Besides, it was the cleverest way he could think of to get Sirius to be his best man.

His best man.  At his wedding.  Merlin, everything seemed to be happening so fast.  Just a few weeks ago, he was basically pouting over the fact that his best friend was moving out.  Now, he was looking at moving in with his fiance, asking his best friend to stand beside him on his wedding day and he couldn’t be more excited.

Knocking on the door, James was a little shocked to hear Sirius telling him to come in.  Even he had taken Moody and Dumbledore’s advice to ask ridiculously personal questions to ensure identities.

“Oi, Sirius,” he called as he opened the door.  A flick of his wand and the cabin lit up.  “Bloody hell, do you like it this dark?”  Moving to where Sirius sat, James sat down in a chair nearby, the grin on his face falling when he saw how his friend looked.

Peter: Yeah, all the family is coming over.

James: Of course. What about you, Moony? 

Remus: Yes, my parents insist. Are you staying here, Padfoot? 

Sirius: Yea-

PLACE IN SOCIETY

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty.

medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged.

class or caste: upper / middle / working / slave / unsure.

education: qualified / unqualified / studying.

criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes  / no.

FAMILY

married - happily / married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated.

has a child or children  / has no children / wants children.  

close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased.

orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s).

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

extroverted / introverted / in between.

disorganized / organized / in between.

close minded / open-minded  / in between.

calm / anxious / in between.

disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between.

outspoken / reserved / in between.

leader / follower / in between.

empathetic / unemphatic / in between.

optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

traditional / modern / in between.

hard-working / lazy / in between.

cultured / un-cultured / in between / unknown.

loyal / disloyal / unknown.

faithful / unfaithful / unknown.

BELIEFS:

monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in an afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious.

philosophical: yes / no.

OPINIONS

pro-suicide / anti-suicide / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-euthanasia / anti-euthanasia / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-choice / anti-abortion / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t care or on the fence.

pro-murder / anti-murder / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-cannibalism / anti-cannibalism / doesn’t know or on the fence.

left wing / right wing / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence.

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / questioning.

sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable.

romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable.

sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious.

potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

ABILITIES

combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

HABITS

drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

Selina raised her eyebrow, somewhat challengingly at James. “I would like to believe that you wouldn’t knowingly drug me. Allow me to keep that illusion.” She smirked at him. Truthfully, Selina was just as sick of the issues with Peter as he was. It wasn’t her fault that the insipid man refused to leave her alone, refused to let bygones be bygones. But they’d agreed to let things go for now so Selina felt that she could abide by that – until Peter started in on her again, of course.

He should have been used to her rambles by now. The sex had been great, of course, but even great sex would never have made up for the annoying rambles if he hadn’t gotten used to them. Sometimes, her mouth simply got ahead of her mind. Selina took a sip of her drink as she leaned back to listen to James, letting out a chuckle at his comment about the Sacred 28. “It’s the inbreeding,” she said, her tone slightly amused. Her father was a pureblood, had married a muggleborn, and even her fairly liberal grandparents had not taken the news as well.

James couldn’t help but grin at the raise of her eyebrows before he shrugged.  “It would depend on a lot of things,” he teased.  “Like how much you or Peter were annoying me that night.  Or, whether or not I saw it as a worthy cause like simply having enough time to draw a mustache on your face.”  He took another sip of his drink, glancing down at how much was left and setting it aside before signaling for another.  “Of course, I wouldn’t ever let you truly be in harm’s way.  But you know that.”

James nodded, his expression completely serious.  “No doubt about that.  We can only marry our cousins so many times before there’s bound to be some serious problems.  I mean, really.  All you have to do is look at the Carrows and the Malfoys and you have perfect examples as to why the pureblood society is completely fucked up.  I’m so glad my mum and dad didn’t buy into all that bollocks.”  And it was true.  If they had, then James would have probably been married off the day after his graduation from Hogwarts to a girl picked out for him since his toddler days.  His relationship with Selina wouldn’t have existed, nor would his current one with Lily, both of which would have been a real shame.

He had had such a clear vision for the mission.  It was to be simple.  Break in, stun a couple of Death Eaters, unmask them and take them back, and they would be home in time for supper.  But he had been turned down.  It was too risky, they had said.  It’ll get them killed.  And, despite the fact that James swore up and down he had done things more dangerous a thousand times over, it didn’t matter.  No one had believed in him or his idea.

Which was why he was a little shocked to hear the words of his wife as he sat on their sofa, head down.  “Lils, you heard what they said.  It’s too dangerous.  Even if I do go, I don’t want you too.  If something happened to you because of me, I’d never forgive myself.”

Selfishness won out as well as an innate need to stop these fucking bastards. “I know. Thank you.” She leaned forward, pressing her lips to the corner of his lips. “Should shit go south, I promise to apparate home unless you need me to stay. Marriage is all about compromise, right?”

James allowed for a small smile as she kissed him, before turning and giving her what he felt was a more proper kiss.  After all, if they were really going through with this, he wanted to make sure that she knew he loved her.  “The instant things start going wrong, you’re right back here.  I’m serious, Evans.  I don’t want you around there if it looks bad for us.  And I’ll get back as soon as I can.  And if I don’t, well...”  James grinned, deciding that he had had enough of so much seriousness.  “Don’t let Sirius take my record collection.  Honestly, I’ve been working hard on that thing since fifth year and I know that he’s been eyeing my Bowie albums.”

He had had such a clear vision for the mission.  It was to be simple.  Break in, stun a couple of Death Eaters, unmask them and take them back, and they would be home in time for supper.  But he had been turned down.  It was too risky, they had said.  It’ll get them killed.  And, despite the fact that James swore up and down he had done things more dangerous a thousand times over, it didn’t matter.  No one had believed in him or his idea.

Which was why he was a little shocked to hear the words of his wife as he sat on their sofa, head down.  “Lils, you heard what they said.  It’s too dangerous.  Even if I do go, I don’t want you too.  If something happened to you because of me, I’d never forgive myself.”

“You think Remus will stay here when the pair of you go out?” Her frustration began to leak through. She held out her hand, gesturing to the diamond ring that rested upon her finger. “Until death do us part, Potter. We promised.”

“If I asked him to, I think he would.  He’s done it before.”  Somehow, that part of their vows had weighed more heavily on his mind than he thought they should have.  And he really hated that she was using them against him right now.  But, she was right and James Potter was, if nothing else, a man of his word.  With great difficulty, he recognized his own defeat.  “I’m not happy about this.”

“I am more clever than that,” Lucius rolled his eyes. “You aren’t worth my time though, so why waste the energy?” He had decided that within seconds of hearing James’ voice. He shouldn’t have started with the younger guy to begin with, but Potter had said far worse than he had.

Lucius used dressing as a way of showing off his money and was under the impression he only ever received positive praise. James’ words would have been brushed off if he hadn’t included a dig at his family. It was one thing to mock an outfit, but the more personal attack had been unexpected. Lucius took offense immediately and had to curl his fingers into a fist, the nails digging into his palm until the urge to strike James disappeared.

“This is from a top designer,” Lucius scowled, slowly unclenching his fingers. “Not that I would expect you to know.” His voice lacked in venom and he regretted saying anything at all. “I’d be married to my cousin if I was all about ‘keeping it in the family’ so watch who you’re trying to insult.”

James couldn’t help but bounce on the balls of his feet as Lucius continued to talk.  Despite the fact taht the blonde wizard insisted that he wasn’t worth it, he was still standing there.  And James just wasn’t going to let up on his taunts quite so easily.  Especially when the firewhiskey he had been drinking earlier made the quips come that much sooner, and without as much resistance.

The younger of the two couldn’t help but grimmace at the insistence that the clothes were high fashioned.  And, for once, he was actually grateful that he had insisted Lily take him shopping more than once.  Otherwise, he might look like as big an arse as Lucius currently did.  “If that’s a top designer, I don’t think I’d want to know the bloke.  Clearly, he doesn’t know what’s in style if he’s telling people to wear things like that.”

“You mean Narcissa isn’t your cousin?  Huh.  News to me, really.  I thought all us purebloods were related in some form or another.  Which, trust me, is just as repulsive to me to think about being related to you as it is for me to think about you being married to a cousin.”

His assurance that there would be no one after him, the assurance that she would always have him, filled her with a relief that she hadn’t realized she’d been missing. But she said nothing, merely smiling up at him and letting out a soft laugh at his comment. “I already know how good I have it. Quite well. Though I’m wondering if you need to be reminded,” she trailed off, her statement more of a question hanging in the air. She snorted. Truthfully he’d grown up much more than she’d expected. After all, they were all but officially living together and had been since he finished school. The James of six months ago, well, Selina wasn’t sure he’d have been as content playing house.

As his lips moved over her neck, Selina let out a soft moan. “I do know that. You’re absolutely right about Seekers,” she teased him as she went onto her tiptoes to press another kiss to his lips. “If you keep that up, we’re not going to eat dinner,” she told him, brow arching. “So maybe we should eat first before we start shagging. Because once we start that, I don’t think we’ll really stop.” She smirked.

“Fair enough,” she acknowledged, her fingers moving over his waist, underneath his shirt to touch the expanse of skin. “I’m sure we will think of something adorable when the time comes.” He would be a good father, doting, spoiling him or her a bit, and Selina looked forward to the day when he looked at their child with the adoring expression he usually saved for her. But they had time - the world was literally at their feet and neither were in any hurry to rush.

Selina laughed. “If you say so, love.” She was not nearly as narrow-minded when it came to school houses, but she knew better than to bring it up. Not now. “I’m sure we would make beautifully bold babies.” She winked.

“I like to think about the future, too. With you.” She grinned back at him and turned to get the plates, handing him his with a spark in her eye. “Food, first. Romance, second. Shagging until we can’t move, third.”

James pushed up his glasses, a dorky grin on his face.  He leaned foward, rubbing the scruff of his face against her cheek as he pressed his lips against her ear.  His voice came out as a whisper, but it sounded lower in tone than usual when he spoke.  “You might have to remind me,” he agreed.  “Show me exactly how good I have it.  In every way you can come up with.”  James pressed his lip against her cheek then as he straightened up, itching for her to go ahead and start demonstrating just why he had it so good.  But, there was food to eat, and he couldn’t deny that he was hungry.

The sound of her moaning was enough to make James not want to stop.  He loved the sounds he was able to get from her and almost found himself whining when she moved to stop him.  “I’ve always been a rebel,” he countered.  “Maybe I want to eat my dessert first.”  But, James knew that she had a point.  Once they started, their dinner would be long forgotten.  And James would wake up the next morning feeling way too hungry for it to be healthy.

Now, if she would only stop teasing him by rubbing her fingers over his skin, they might start to make progress.  The boy took a step back, figuring that maybe having physical distance between the two would force them to eat.  At least it made enough sense to him.  “Too bad that beautiful baby isn’t going to be able to date until she’s thirty,” James said, grinning.  “I don’t want her finding anyone like her daddy.”

He had had such a clear vision for the mission.  It was to be simple.  Break in, stun a couple of Death Eaters, unmask them and take them back, and they would be home in time for supper.  But he had been turned down.  It was too risky, they had said.  It’ll get them killed.  And, despite the fact that James swore up and down he had done things more dangerous a thousand times over, it didn’t matter.  No one had believed in him or his idea.

Which was why he was a little shocked to hear the words of his wife as he sat on their sofa, head down.  “Lils, you heard what they said.  It’s too dangerous.  Even if I do go, I don’t want you too.  If something happened to you because of me, I’d never forgive myself.”

Lily stole a glance down to their joined hands, the glint of their rings flickered in the low light of their shared home. They were in this together now and Lily wasn’t going to let James go off alone. She was stubborn yes, but so was he and they would find a compromise. They had to.

“And what do you think will happen if you make me stay here?” She turned her hand so that their palms were pressed together. Lily linked their fingers together and squeezed. “I’ll be sick with worry waiting for you to come home. If you leave me then I will just end up coming after you because I can’t fucking stay in this home counting down the minutes until you come through that door again.” She dropped her forehead to his shoulder, muttering into his shirt. 

“If I go with you we can protect each other while fighting them. If it makes you feel any better you know your mates will come if we ask.” 

“I’ll know you’re safe,” he countered as she squeezed his hand.  James knew she was a strong fighter, and knew that it might be beneficial to have her along.  But, he had made a promise.  To her father, to himself, to keep her safe, no matter what.  And taking her into what everyone else believed was a suicidal mission didn’t seem the best way to uphold that promise.  “I’ll come back, Evans.  I always have before.  But I don’t want you to go out into this if you don’t have to.”  His resolve began to crumble when she leaned against him, but James was stubborn.

“That’s so much more dangerous than me going by myself,” James argued.  “If something were to happen to you, then I would completely lose focus on the fight.  I’d just want to get you out.  And then the entire mission would be lost.  I’ll ask Sirius,” he said.  “Remus can come and stay with you while he and I go.”