King

I’m scared…

Scared that once I turn dark,

I won’t come back.

That the light I’ve clung to like breath in my lungs

Will flicker out —

And no one will notice the smoke.

I wear this smile like armour,

But beneath it is a war.

Not the kind with bullets,

But the kind where your own heart turns on you

And whispers,

“Let it burn.”

I’ve danced too long with shadows,

Tried to baptize my pain in silence,

Told myself,

“You’re stronger now…”,

But what if strength is just the mask before the fall?

What if I cross that line —

And I like it?

What if rage feels safer than peace?

What if revenge feels more honest than healing?

What if I stop praying because the silence feels more faithful

Than the God I’m still searching for?

See, they say “don’t let the world harden you”

But how do I not,

When love is a battlefield

And trust has a body count?

I’m scared

That the me you knew —

The soft-spoken, grace-chasing version of me —

Will die quietly…

And all that’s left will be the monster I swore I’d never feed.

Because once I turn dark,

I don’t know if I’ll want to come back.

And if I scream in that darkness,

Would anyone hear me?

Would anyone run in?

Or would they all say,

“I told you so.”

“That’s what happens when you hold in too much.”

“That’s what happens when you love too deep and get cut too often.”

But I never wanted to be this.

I never wanted to rot from the inside out,

To feel fire in my veins where peace used to be.

I just wanted someone

To pull me back before I slipped.

So if you’re hearing this,

If you see me smiling but my eyes look tired —

Check me.

Hold me.

Don’t let me go quietly into that dark.

Because if I turn…

I’m scared I’ll stay there.

And I don’t think

Even I