My WHY
After so many years of trying my luck and going on with the flow of life, love never fails to fuck me over. I've had my fair share of failed relationships, rejections, betrayal, broken heart and pains. For the past years, I was living in a cocoon of loneliness and heartbreak. After loving a guy for more than what? Two? Three? Four years? He just decided that I am not enough, that I am not his, that he does not love me anymore, that I am not worthy of his time, or everything that he can offer and then he drifted off. Far away from me. He cut loose the strings attached between us. He became the man he said he would never be. In a blink of an eye, in just a matter of seconds, he was gone. My hardships, sacrifices, patience and love was not even taken into account or even consideration. Unfortunately, it was not even worth a single "good bye". I gave him everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. And I was left with nothing. I was empty. All through those years, I spent my time alone. I became aloof and stopped mingling for a long time with people. I was afraid that once I get too attached, they might leave me. Heart break is the last thing I would want myself to go into again. I go to coffee shops alone. I date myself. I just spend leisure times, alone. These were the times when books kept me company. I owe a lot on books. I let myself heal though it took me years. It was a long process. I lost a part of myself and discovered a lot about myself too. After being mended, I vowed to not let myself drown into someone's promises and whatnots. Then he came.... He came running into me. I saw myself in him. The broken me. The me that was dragging herself out of the misery that love has caused. And I was then comforted. This may come off selfish but what else is more comforting than knowing that there are other people suffering the same misery as yours? From then on, we found comfort in each other. We found happiness in each other. We found a part of us from each other. We found understanding, love, compassion, and all those things that we long for our ex-partners to give us. We became each other's filling tanks. I fill him in, he fill me in. Until we can no longer start a day without tapping each one's day. Until we finally understood why it didn't work out with other people. It just happened. So what's the gist of this post? Hahahaha! Aside from words just bugged me and keep on flowing while I was in the middle of bookkeeping, I just wanted to tell you guys that.... IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I BLOGGED SOMETHING HERE! ššš Okay, okay... What I want to say is this: For all of you who are going through a heartbreak: just be gentle with yourself. If succumbing to the pain is what makes it feel less, then allow yourself to feel it. It eventually ends and teaches you a lesson. You don't have to dive into a new one just because. The right one comes when you less expect him to, when you less expect it to happen or when you are not even looking for it. God is brilliant and he knows when we are ready. He won't ever forsake us so hang on there, love. You will get through it and when you finally does, you will understand it better. You will have all the answers to your "WHY's".
