rEaR vIeW

Anise set her phone down as the nurse came into the room. Shoving her body up she adjusted herself carefully before holding her arms out feeling a sensation of fear washing over her. After what felt like decades the blonde felt the light weight in her arms in the form of a fussy baby girl. Gently she ran her finger over the infants face feeling the softness of her skin against the pads of her fingers, “Novalee Aleah Lynn.. Keller..” She whispered each word carefully and slowly as if she were testing the words on her tongue. Her heart swelling as all her thoughts of giving this baby up seemingly flew out the window. 

Jake bounded from his chair when the nurse entered the room, taking a few steps closer to the bed once the infant was placed in the waiting arms of Anise. Jake let them interact for a moment, his gaze never leaving his baby’s face. When the Novalee’s name slipped out of Anise’s lips, the corners of his lips tugged away to reveal a genuine smile. There was no way words could express how Jake was feeling that moment. He was overwhelmed with happiness and felt as though the world was not big enough to contain his joy. “She’s so beautiful,” he whispered, then glanced at her. “Isn’t she the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?”

Any effort in conversation with Jake was futile, he would always rebuttal and find something worse or more defending to throw at her despite how harsh or negative. With every word that glide from his tongue that held up in the air it was as if they were just forming into rain clouds to pour down on her. Like her getting pregnant was some sort of her problem and despite him practically begging to keep Novalee he was offhandedly blaming her for the conclusion of his dreams. Everything sucked, no matter how you spin it if they kept their daughter they would both be giving up something in which they weren’t ready to do. Jake would lose Lydia and his future in basketball while Anise would lose.. The realization hit hard. She had nothing going for her, sure she had her art but that could be done even with a child. The only thing she was truly losing was all hopes of having anything with Jude ever pan out. Anise and Jake were destined to spend the rest of their lives passing their daughter between them as they tired to form different lives outside of the family they created. He would struggle with basketball and she would find horror in love. Their whole future was spelled out before her and it was dull. She didn’t want to submit their daughter to that. Weekend and Holiday parents. He didn’t give a second thought of them possibly trying to work things out and that was fine. Eventually Lydia and Jake would find each other and the worse part of it all would be her finding another way to get between them. Maybe that’s why she hated Lydia so much because Jake was always destined to be with her and she was constantly in the way. “Am I okay?!” Anise laughed bitterly feeling the warm liquid slide down her inner thigh gritting her teeth to hold back other words she wished to speak. Throwing her hands up exasperatedly she sneered at him shoving past him fumbling frantically for her phone altering Aleah and Alisa to what had happened. Her fingers were trembling as she fumbled with her keys the anger dispersing the moment another wave of pain flooded through her system. She called out slamming her hand on the desk, knees giving own a bit as she held herself up against the desk, “Fuck!” She called before the pain dispersed her head feeling light from the intensity, “My water broke you idiot!” She called out looking over at him face filled with fear her anger not breaking through. She made it as far as down the stairs and to the front door before she doubled over again keys dangling from her fingers as she gripped at the doorknob tears bubbling over in her eyes, “Hospital.” She gasped. 

At that point, Jake had completely forgotten the reason why he had confronted Anise to begin with. He was aware of her screams and her tears, but the reason why he was so mad to a point of slamming his desk and screaming out of the top of his lungs had faded. He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was so dry that no words came out; he gaped foolishly. His eyes gazing the floor where a puddle formed. “Your water broke...?” He trailed off, at the end finally realizing what she meant. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mumbled, going to the bathroom to wash his foot, suddenly feeling a bit nauseous of what just happened. “Stop screaming at me, alright?” He shouted back as he left the bathroom. He knew she had to go to the hospital. Jake tugged a shirt over his head and slipped into his shoes, following her a few steps behind. When Anise stood frozen in front of the door, Jake raced up behind her and placed a hand on her back. “Babe, take a deep breath.” The word he used to describe her easily slipping out of his mouth, Jake being too concern with her health to even notice. “Calm down, okay? You’re gonna be okay. Nova is gonna be okay. Let me take care of you two.” His words were rushed, yet carefully chosen not to sound divisive or aggressive. He was desperately trying to make amends, too worried with the woman in front of him. He caused her to go into premature labor. It was his fault that she was in pain and if something happened to her, he would never forgive himself. “Can you walk? Do you want me to carry you to the car?” He asked, his hand still carefully placed on his ex-girlfriend back. “Come on, do the breathing thing pregnant women do in the movies. I’ll help. I’ll do with you.” He insisted, offering his other hand for her to grab instead of the doorknob.

He kept looking at her today with those eyes. She’d seen them before, like when she wore a dress for her cousin’s wedding that the Scott’s had hosted last year, or when she scored the winning shot in the championship game for the girl’s Ravens team. Jake’s laugh brought a bright smile to her features. Seeing him happy this way, like none of the craziness surrounding them was affecting them at all felt amazing. It wasn’t real exactly, yet her ears would beg to differ. Lydia refused to be in anything other than this moment. He deserved a moment of peace, though still, his looks were unnecessary. Jake was making it very difficult for her to play them off, hence the shyness she’d exhibited moments before. Yet rolling her eyes, she propped herself up on her elbow now mirroring him. “Why would I need to fish for compliments? I’ve got all the compliments I need right here.” She answered cockily tapping the side of her head as she smirked. Lydia wished she wasn’t ruining this day with all the fleeting feelings and thoughts passing through her about Jake. All she really wanted was to have fun with her best friend, remind him that he still had people in his corner and that even if he was about to become a dad, that the life he’d known wasn’t ending. Jake’s eyes waltzed down her figure, a look she’d never seen from him. Again, her face flushed hot, hoping that he wouldn’t notice. When he spoke, Lydia had to laugh at the tone he used, never thinking she’d hear such words from him in her whole life. As she chuckled along, Lydia snuck a peak at her butt at that point, then meeting his eyes again. “Wow, I mean I am not surprised. A lot about me is fucking incredible so no reason why my ass shouldn’t be. But what exactly is so great about it? And I am not fishing for compliments. Honestly just curious about what guys look for in an ass.” She mused back with a shrug, her curiosity was truly genuine. Through her bubbling unrequited feelings for Jake, she’d found herself wanting to explore more having to do with the physicality and emotions of relationships. There it was, he’d called her cute again. Leaning up, still panting she glared at him, “Quit calling me cute.” She said, pushing his shoulder to show she wasn’t to be messed with. Even if the compliments had her swooning inside, she’d never wanted to be the cute one, but the respected one. It was why she cherished all the friendships she had made in the first place, even though as high school drew to a close her tune was slightly changing. Scoffing playfully, she pushed his arm off. “I will admit to nothing.” She said, crossing her arms sassily. “Hmm, I’m not sure I’m a very big fan of this whole tough love thing.” She joked with another shrug. The feeling of kissing him was incredible. He was her best friend now breaching that connection with his tongue. They were tasting one another, giving into more vulnerability than they possibly ever had with one another. the reality of it settling around her as she felt his tongue take such care and thought in the way that it seemed to meander through mouth. She wasn’t just kissing someone for the sake of kissing, it was Jake, her best friend. This was no simple matter seeing as they’d been best friends their whole life, though that was of course just the tip of that ice berg. Lydia hadn’t wanted him to pull away, leaning slightly towards him before falling away as she caught his gaze. Her hands fell from his back, relieved now that he’d in fact pulled away. There could be no more denying the fact that there was something between them. The fears that were minor before, now came back in a major way. This kiss was not just between them, but affected so many different people. A sad smile came across her face when he finally spoke. “Yeah, wow.” She agreed, there could be no denying how incredible that kiss was. Her eyes shut for a pregnant moment of pure calmness, yet utter invigoration when his calloused thumb grazed her lips. Opening them slowly, her thoughts picked right back up where they’d left off. “So what does this mean?” Lydia asked, saddened that she’d darkened this amazing moment with such words but she wasn’t sure if they were ready for the repercussions of letting this go any further. Or maybe it was only her. 

Jake couldn’t keep his eyes off Lydia today. With the small distance that separated them, her perfection was unmistakable. He was aware of every beautiful little inch of her. Her messy hair spread across the two pillows under her head, her casual clothes, and her face make-up free amplified her charm, but it didn’t matter what she wore or how much make up she had on; he was fast learning that he found her irresistible. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off her. And it made him feel disconnected; almost as if the whole world had stopped for him. He felt happy for the first time in weeks, without a care in the world. Jake rolled his eyes, purposefully ignoring her words. A smirk formed on his lips when his eyes peered over the young woman’s expression after scanning her body, noticing how flushed her face actually was. He would’ve said something, but as quickly as the words formed in his mind, they faded when she spoke again. With a broad smile on his face, he threw his head back in laughter. “And you say I am full of myself.” He replied, pointing his finger into the air and then putting his hand on his chest. Jake shrugged his shoulders at her question. “I honestly couldn’t tell you what it is about them, but they’re just really sexy.” He lost himself in thoughts for a second, absent-mindedly rubbing his chin with his hand as he sought for an answer for his best friend, only to shrug a second later. “Maybe guys are just into big, soft bouncy things.” He blurted out. Jake had discovered a passion for annoying Lydia with compliments. He didn’t know if she actually took them seriously or not, but he was enjoying the way she reacted to them. “Is that how you thank me from all the compliments I’ve given you today?” He asked, fake hurt dripping from his voice. “You know what? Alright. No need to get hostile.” Jake rolled his eyes, but shrugged right after. That was an argument that would never cease and he knew it. “I hate you.” He smiled at her joke. “Well, it’s tough to love you, so deal with it.” He responded, with a roll of his eyes. As much as Jake wanted to keep exploring the shape of Lydia’s mouth, his lungs had a need to fulfill, and he parted from Lydia with a lingering taste of her in his lips. Yet Jake still felt like the air had been pulled out of his lungs. Their kiss made it all so new and fragile, even if Jake felt like it’s always been there. But that further complicated things and he didn’t know where to start. He wondered if Lydia has felt anything like that over the years, or if she was just getting carried away. He wouldn’t know. She wouldn’t say and he wouldn’t ask, that’s what he thought. He watched as she closed her eyes for half a second in pure fascination, running a finger through her face wondering what was on her mind, but as soon as her words left her mouth, he regretted. She was about to ruin their moment and he couldn’t blame her for it. Lydia deserved a explanation, yet Jake didn’t have one to give. His shoulders tensed at the sound of her words, fearing that he had done something wrong. Averting his eyes, Jake was unable to look at Lydia, to risk seeing something he didn’t want to see on her face, he began fiddling with the buttons on his own shirt. “I don’t know...” Jake trailed off, now questioning his own actions after that their moment ended and they were brought back to reality. The reality in which Jake’s ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his baby and had made very clear that if he escalated anything further with Lydia, he’d never see his daughter. Swallowing hard when his eyes slowly met hers again, he confessed, “But I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”

fmk anise, lydia, aleah

It’s not a joke you fucking idiot! You toy with her feelings and you know it. Listen to the things that are coming out of your mouth. You know that deep down you love her but you continue to be with someone who is on the same level as you. You’re a dick and I can’t stand here and let you hurt her. I trust her with my life but she can’t get over your dumb ass. You are dragging her along while you try and go play house with a girl who cheats on you. Who’s the real nutcase in this, Jake? I know what I am to Davis and I’ve told him countless times to leave. By all means, cast your stones, but you need to reassess your shitty life choices and who you’re hurting at the end of the day. I can live with the decision I’ve made, can you?

Oh, for Christ’s sake, why are you turning this into a fucking drama fest? It was a question. It was a joke. I am not toying with her feelings. I didn’t even know she had real feelings for me. All I’m doing is trying to figure out what to do with my life and my feelings, so please, forgive me for trying to light up my mood by answering a question. And again, I repeat, you don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m going through and I honestly don’t have to explain my actions to you. Think whatever the fuck you want. Call me a dick for all I care. I never intended to drag Lydia into this mess, it just happens. And I’m not playing house with Anise. I’m trying to raise my baby and she deserves a mother. You think you know me from what you’ve heard, but you don’t. You don’t know me. I guess we share first place, but hey, you fuck up every two weeks so I guess you’ll get to be on top soon enough. This is ridiculous. How about you find someone else to annoy? I’m done talking to you.