imperfectly perfect

The cautiousness

The overwhelming dread

…

I’ve always had a plan; graduate high school, graduate college, become a doctor. Obviously, with the expectations of immigrant parents, most Asian Americans grow up feeling this immense pressure to follow these rules in order to be successful in life and for their parents. My life was always dictated and overtaken by my strict parents, and it still is.

I am a 22 year old girl (23 in September). I graduated in 2018, within the norm of four years, with a double major in English and Ethnic Studies. I’m supposed to be happy in an entry level job at a desk somewhere in the world, and yet, here I am, suffering with overwhelming amounts of emotional fluctuations, working at my mom’s boba shop, with no social life whatsoever.

Am I supposed to be be happy, working almost every day for hours and hours on end? How the hell am I supposed to make a life for myself and be happy if my mother forces dependency on me? How am I supposed to meet new people, find relationships, friendships, or even acquaintances if I am working 18392728102)48301$283 hrs/week???