Scams?
I have a special distaste for those in prison who scam people. Some of them scam people independently, with fellow inmates in their unit, or with a loved one on the outside. There are so many people incarcerated that don’t scam others, that don’t wish to scam others, but because of negativity bias, once someone is scammed or they see all the other horror stories from others that have been scammed, those that are genuine get grouped together with those that are not. There’s already a harsh, unfair stigma with inmates and former inmates. It’s already hard enough to try and better your life inside prison and once you get out. So, that’s why I have a special distaste for those who make it even worse for others.
Take this post, along with everything else in life, with a grain of salt. There are short cons and there are long cons. Short cons are the easiest to spot.
Usually, the scammer will not reveal too much of themself. They will either keep their answers short if you ask questions or avoid them (or some) completely.
They will vaguely talk about themselves, their past, their goals and sometimes will just agree with things you say, to try to make it seem like you have a lot in common.
It will be romantic from the very beginning. Either they will flirt with you heavily, do a lot of sweet talking, or they’ll just create a romantic air (inserting love songs into letters telling you to check them out and sending you love poems not meant for you but it was just a poem they felt like writing).
They will straight out ask you for things or imply they don’t have the resources or money to buy certain things, but they would never ask you though and then later ask if you can get them these things, but only “if you can”.
Now, if you’re talking to someone and they only seem hard to get to know, but everything else is fine (they don’t sweet talk you, they don’t demand things, they don’t ask for anything) maybe it’s just because they don’t know how to have a conversation like you do; maybe they just have a hard time opening up because they have pretty bad trust issues. Maybe they even knew someone who got scammed by someone on the outside! That does happen also. Just because you get put in prison doesn’t always mean you get smarter. An inmate might trust someone who agrees to marry them for example and they give all their information away (including social security number) only to get had and left.
Long cons are harder to detect, because by the time they run their scam you’ve already established trust. However, changes to personalities and relationships should tip you off. Usually. I really have to stress words like, maybe, usually, sometimes, might, because at the end of the day you really have to rely on yourself and your instincts and your common sense, not blindly go by a blog post or another person’s experience. That being said, some signs that someone may be running a long con are few and really depend on the person.
If you notice a hot/cold pattern. It goes from platonic to heavy flirting to platonic to not hearing from them then heavy flirting again. If this happens to you it might not even be a scam, but tread with caution. They might not be scamming you, but usually it’s not a sign of a genuine connection.
If their requests become more frequent. It can be a totally platonic pen pal relationship, they don’t ask for money or things that require money to be had, but they’ll ask for you to print something or a blank card. It doesn’t cost anything or much, so you don’t think about it. Then they ask for something else that cost a little bit more, then they’ll ask for more things, then they’ll ask for you to look up things for them or for their fellow inmates and now in each letter there’s something they would like you to get or look up, “no rush”. This by itself might not be anything or malicious, but it’s something to take note of.
Your relationship is good and feels solid, you have trust in this person, and suddenly you get in a relationship with someone else or you lose your job, you no longer have certain resources you once had, and/or you no longer are able to be romantically swayed. Then this once solid and trustworthy relationship begins to dwindle down and/or ceases all-together, you might no longer be a mark worthy of effort. Now, just this alone doesn’t always mean you were the mark in a scam, but it’s something to think about especially if this is only one of multiple signs you were talking to a master manipulator.
All-in-all, there are some signs whether it’s a short con or a long con or not a con at all, that everyone should heed:
If you refuse to give them material things, your photo, your phone number, and they stop writing you. If they write you again a couple of months later, you might want to ignore it.
If they decline to hear “no”. If you tell someone you don’t want to use JPay and they keep bringing up JPay in each letter (”and if you want, there is also JPay so we can communicate on there”); if they keep asking you the same question over and over even though you’ve already ignored it multiple times or simply have stated you don’t wish to answer; if they ask for a picture and you refuse and they answer “that’s okay I’ll wait” and then asks again later. This person is not respecting your boundaries and that’s never okay in any relationship.
If they tell you conflicting stories or things start not to add up or make sense. If they say they aren’t writing anyone, but they start to confuse you with someone else. Don’t fall for gaslighting! Someone may slip up and accidently say something they didn’t mean to and then try to make you feel crazy or like you have just forgotten it.
Manipulators are not geniuses. They are not supervillains. Manipulators cannot just manipulate anyone, they know how to spot those who they can easily manipulate. They plant seeds into your mind and watch their scam grow, tending to the scam when they need to. They rely on your doubt and insecurities. Trust yourself. And lastly, don’t let things or people make you bitter. Let the lessons you learn make you smarter and more observant and more confident in your gut instinct. There’s enough bitterness and hatred and judgement in this world already.
