Hard Feelings.

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

inside me there are two lungs. and one liver. one stomach. a few meters of intestine. there's a lot inside me actually

whoever placed a curse on me fuck you

I wish I was a muppet so I could flail uncontrollably with no consequences. And for the scrunch

Dealing with burnout is sooooooooooooooo easy all you need to do is operate at 40% indefinitely and be kind of mad at yourself the whole time.

what they don’t tell you about winter is that you go through the 5 stages of grief every morning when it’s time to leave your fluffy blankets

I walk away from the dildo at the store with sadness in my eyes only to learn that it has followed me home like the chef boyardee commercial