I was listening to the song "I Wanna Know" by The Hunna and was instantly inspired to write this AU. It's such a bop, I encourage you all to listen!
Preview: You've been feeling neglected, and you're ready to give up. But, Yoongi doesn't give up easily.
Genre: Mafia/gang AU, some angst and fluff
Warnings: Nothing much, mentions of violence/drugs
You were fully aware things had not been going well the last 6 months. The gang had lost some valuable hideouts to rivals, a couple members defected, and some profit loss. When things aren't going the way Yoongi wanted them to, everyone around him paid the price. You couldn't remember how many people you've watched him verbally degrade and physically slap around.
You were lucky enough to have the prestigious position of being his girl, so he didn't do anything that drastic to you. It was more like...emotional warfare. He came to bed late, left early, and probably had only spoken two or three sentences to you recently. And they weren't exactly warm and fuzzy.
You didn't require much affection. You knew getting into this lifestyle you weren't going to get a boyfriend who brought you home roses and took you to nice restaurants. Those things didn't matter to you anyway. The only thing that did was him.
It was Friday evening at about 10pm when there was a light knock on your door.
"Come in?" You said hesitantly, confused who would be knocking on the door.
"Hey." Hoseok's voice rang out as he slid the door open.
"Oh, hey." You half smiled; it was really the best you had to give anyone these days.
"I hadn't seen you in a few days, I got nervous." He admitted sheepishly, standing in the door way.
"Yeah, I haven't wanted to be around anyone. Is Yoongi around?" You asked cautiously, though you knew the answer.
"He left around 7pm, saying he had to take care of something. Just took a couple guys and one of the cars." Hoseok shrugged, looking as defeated as you felt. He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you.
"Don't take it personally. I haven't seen him for more than five minutes in the 6 months." You replied.
"Wow, really?" Hoseok looked shocked. "I always figured you were his weak spot."
"I used to be, but I don't know whats happening. He doesn't speak to me, hell he doesn't even look at me if he sees me around the compound." You spat, clearly feeling the emotions you'd been shoving down rising up.
"You've never called it a compound before." Hoseok pointed out. Fine, technically it was a mansion. But it was the main base for the gang, as well as where you resided with Yoongi.
"I can't call it home. He's what makes it home. And he's not really here." You said. "I can't take it anymore."
If you were a crier you'd probably be crying, but this life had hardened you.
"I think I'm going to leave." You finally said.
"That's crazy, Y/N." Hoseok retorted, practically choking on his saliva.
"Is it? Would he even notice?" You replied, looking at him.
"Of course he would. And how would you even get out with all the guards? And where would you go?" Hoseok looked slightly panicked.
"Pretend you didn't talk to me tonight. You can't be liable for knowing information about me if I'm successful." You stated, standing up. "Just go."
Hoseok stood up with you, and stared at you hard for a few moments. "Don't do this to him."
"He's fine." You crossed your arms tightly.
"We both know he wouldn't be...It's just a phase." He tried to defend his best friend and boss.
"6 months isn't a phase! I was patient. The first few months, I figured he'd snap out of it. But it's been half a year. How much of my life am I supposed to spend being ignored by the man I love?" You asked softly, avoiding Hoseok's gaze.
Without another word, he nodded slightly and left your room. He couldn't bare the idea of saying goodbye and he was hoping you would calm down and change your mind.
You felt a moment of bravery after finally getting your feelings off your chest. You grabbed a bag out of the closet and starting shoving clothes into it. You couldn't think clearly on what you needed. You looked around the room frantically, trying to figure out what to take. Your head was so foggy with sadness and fear that you couldn't collect yourself enough to form a plan.
The door crashing open caused you to jump and drop the bag, spinning to face the bedroom door.
"Y/N." Yoongi said flatly, looking down at the bag.
You swallowed hard and couldn't find words to spit out. What were you going to say? You were caught red handed.
His eyes never left the bag.
"What are you doing?" He asked, low and stern. Still not meeting your eyes.
You started to stutter out an answer but he cut you off.
"You...were going to leave me?" His eyes snapped up to meet yours. He tilted his head to the side, and waited for an answer, no emotions on his face.
"Yes." You answered, regaining your composure. You straightened your shoulders and stared him down confidently. Now wasn't the time to come off weak.
To your surprise, he chuckled lightly. You watched him carefully.
He grabbed the picture frame off the table next to the door and threw it, the sound of the glass shattering made you jump.
"Yoongi..." You warned, trailing off.
"It's been almost three years, and you're going to leave over a rough patch?!" He shouted, and you were sure the whole compound could hear him.
"A rough patch!?" You yelled back, your fiery spirit matching his. "It's been 6 months! How long did you expect me to deal with this shit?"
"Deal with what?! You live comfortably. You don't have to work. You have more money then most people ever see in their life." He explained, exasperated, fists balled up at his sides.
"Well, I don't care about any of those things! All I wanted was you to love me!" You screamed at him.
He span around and punched the wall behind him. You heard a crack, presumably his knuckles, but he didn't falter. He leaned his forehead against the wall and punched it one more time. When he retracted it you could see the blood dripping down his fingers.
"All of this...because you think I don't love you?" He whispered. He turned around and there were tears in his eyes. You had never seen Yoongi cry. You don't think anyone had.
You swallowed all the mean things you had to spit out the moment you saw tears dripping down his cheeks.
"Why do you think I've been so absent? It's because I was failing, Y/N. I was failing you and everyone that relies on me. How could I face you when everything I promised could've been lost? I put my head down and went to work to preserve our future. I'm sorry that that was uncomfortable for you, even though I was the one risking my life day in and day out so some day I would be able to look you in the eye again!" He shouted, stepping towards you, grabbing your face with his hands. "Those were all things out of love for you, whether you're strong enough to acknowledge it or not." He growled, his face inches from yours.
You breathed out, locking eyes with him. "You could've included me! I would've been there for you." You exclaimed, wrapping your hands around his wrists and pulling them off your cheeks.
"I had to do a lot of dangerous things. You think I was going to put you in harms way just so you could feel needed?" He spat. "That's immature thinking. I did what I did to protect you. And if you hate me for that, that's fine. At least I know I kept you safe." He sighed in defeat, his tear stained face making your breath catch in your throat.
Everything about you wanted to be angry and stand your ground...
You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it.
"Do you know what I'd have to do if I ever lost you?" He asked, stepping towards you once more, but keeping his hands to himself.
You hesitated before speaking. "...tell me."
He reached for your hand and took it in both hands.
"I'd have to destroy everything that reminded me of you. I'd burn this place down." He looked up at you, the connection you two had always had making itself known with a gravitational pull you couldn't resist. You took your free hand and grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him to you, crashing your lips together. He immediately responded, grabbing your face and deepening the kiss. Every emotion you felt in the last half of a year poured into the kiss. It was rough, needy, passionate. He pulled away and inhaled.
"Yoongi. You need to either live life with me by your side, or spend the rest of your life wondering where I am. I'm not asking you to drag me into every fight and drug deal. But you made me strong. You toughened me up. So embrace it, and let me be with you." You explained, hoping your words didn't fall on deaf ears.
He stared deeply in your eyes, before exhaling slowly.
"Fine." He agreed stubbornly. "You don't get to leave, then." He huffed, crossing his arms. You giggled, you knew you are the only one who ever saw him with his guard down.
He reached out a hand to you, and you obliged, giving him your hand. As soon as he did, he pulled you towards him and wrapped one arm around your waist, and the other hand resting on the back of your head.
"How did you know I was packing?" You asked into his chest.
"Hoseok is my best friend, not yours." His chest rumbled with a chuckle.
