Outsider

"I’m good for now. I’ll go to a bar if I want to get worse — but really it might be a good shove to get rid of the carpet. That’s really dated," he commented, flashing a relaxed sort of smirk as he fell back onto the end chair he had claimed as a coat rack when they first arrived.

"I'd ask you to open a window, but it's too big of a task for both of us right now, I think," he sighed, a smile still on his face from laughing.

“Well, we do sell tulips here,” she smiled teasingly before giving a light shrug. “It’s all up to you Mr. Kim.” 

"No need to call me mister or Kim. Jaejoong is fine, Aubrie," he grinned at her, looking around the shop. Spotting the corner with the tulips, he started walking towards them, thinking about which colour looks the nicest while doing so. "I like the yellow and red ones. How about you? Which ones would you prefer?" he asked, facing her way, "I mean, if you don't like tulips I can get you something else you actually like. Maybe a cute bouquet too?"

swag (check!) swag (check!)

"Drinking away the problems are for the scared, and I’ll admit I’m a bit scared right now, but don’t stay scared very long. Tapping his clavicles, he drew attention to the tattoo  stretched across his papery skin, only partially visible beneath his V-neck. "It says, ‘Nothing’s more despicable than a life based on fear’ and I got it when I was seventeen, I don’t believe in running away, this is just taking the edge off. Now, I don’t know what happened to you, but I’ve never hit rock bottom and I’m never going to." The word slipped from his lips with the slightest hint of a sloppy tone, but the sharpness that had been there moments ago was gone. Seungjun knew himself well, and he knew he wasn’t sociable without a bit of an aid — in this case, alcohol. 

"I'm gonna sit on the sofa there. Don't want to drink much more, I'm busy tomorrow," he stated simply, still coherently, and did exactly that, "You do whatever you want, just don't throw up on the carpet or anything like that."

“When do you want the flowers for? I can get them done before tonight if you want them by then. And if you have any questions about them here is my name and number. I’ll personally make your bouquet for you, so you don’t have to worry about the possibilities of anyone messing them up. I’ll make sure your mother will be wowed by them!” her laugh was small but genuine as she held out the card for him. 

"I was actually even... like, hoping to be able to buy you some tulips, as my son himself had told me that those are the flowers you give a girl you like. But I'm not sure how to go about that now."

"This isn’t a testament of my future, it’s one night of ignoring calls and cells and all that shit. I know it’s your job, but I’m not a patient," he added, in attempt to provide some amount of solace to the down-trodden man. After all, he was stuck here, at least for a while, he’d rather avoid the conversation becoming unnecessarily emotional.

"I'm not trying to heal you, or treat you like a patient. If I had wanted that, I would've not gone out with you. I knew what you needed and here I am, offering you just that," he said, now sitting more properly, "All I wanted to get across through that, really, was that-- I just--  I don't want you solving every problem through a drink. I get it that there are days when it's okay to drink it all away, like today. But the chances are, you will start takin' every bit of bad news worse and worse and worse until you reach a rock bottom and can't crawl back out. And that's when everything's done. I don't want to see that, and I know that neither do you. I'm here for you -- whenever you need me -- but I can't sit there and watch you crossing the line."

Running his slender fingers through his hair, Seungjun had to subdue a cringe from the taste the word left in his mouth. He was the sort of man who was always in control of everything that came his way, but there was no taming his cells, despite the best doctors and best medicine it would seem — and it made him angry. Casting his angled gaze toward the elder, his body language dared him to argue. “I’m not looking for advice or consoling or even understanding, just a distraction. You don’t have to provide that if you don’t want, but I’d appreciate it.” Words finished, soon followed by eye contact, Seungjun downed a third shot, drinking faster than his body could register the alcohol in hopes it would hit him like a tidal wave in a few minutes.

"I'm sorry Jun, but I had to. You have to learn to talk about things without alcohol acting as a mediator," he put the beer bottle to the side and his head on the surface of the bar table. The man watched his glass as he glugged the dark liquor into it, "You don't need to become that kind of person. Cos believe in me -- it's not fun. Not at all. Looking at your own child and thinking how much you want a drink instead is not something I wish for you. You may not have kids, but I'm sure you have other people you love," he said still staring at the glass. He didn't know whether he wanted to drink it or drown himself in it. Or at least drown his thoughts.

“Any woman would love this design and it’s pretty versatile. I can put in a custom card with a message from you in it. I’m sure she’ll love that.” She glanced up at him again as she pushed a lock of hair back, hoping that she didn’t lose him in her rambling. 

That's it, he thought. There it goes. You mentioned Jimin. He sighed silently, remembering that most reject him the very second they learn about his little schoolboy. Jaejoong didn't mind though -- it made his choices so much easier.

Swiftly, his hands moved to combine three different liquors to make a single strong, but sweet shot. Downing it in one go, he answered the question as he took a seat at the bar. “Mm. If you mean why you specifically, you were close and I knew you’d take me to get drunk. If you’re looking for the reason why I want to get shit-faced, I’m afraid I don’t have enough alcohol in my system to tell you that, yet.” 

"I mean, if you don't tell me, I will fuckin find out myself," he stated, grabbing himself a bottle of beer this time. He took a few sips, taking his time. "I know it was a results sheet, and I know the type of disease you're fighting. I've had clients who've acted like you before. Exactly like you. Don't think I don't understand, Jun. Cos I do," he nodded and squeezed out a half smile, though he wondered if it's still called a smile if it's not happy.

Seungjun didn’t always mean to come across as a smart-ass, but the replies came naturally from his lips. He supposed that was a form of defensive behavior, but he didn’t much care for analyzing himself. “I take it you’re still married to your work?” he asked, for the sake of being polite and shifting the center of the conversation. The less they focused on himself the easier it would be to ignore the papers burning a hole in his chest, and that’s precisely how he liked it. 

"Any reason you chose me for drinking today?" Jaejoong asked the other while pouring him another drink.

There it was. In truth, Seungjun wasn’t expecting Jaejoong to stay quiet about his sudden appearance. He was certain the man knew perfectly well what his business in the hospital would be, and he trusted that he could read his actions despite his best attempt at indifference. Eyes fixed out the window, he had to hand it to the elder for waiting until he was trapped between the conversation and a rolling landscape to attack with an intimidating tone of concern. “I’ve been fine, working a lot,” he replied, purposefully skirting around the first question. “And today I feel like getting drunk. And you?”

Jaejoong's coat was suddenly feeling uncomfortable and the car felt stuffy; hoped Seungjun wouldn't mind if he opened the window. The car drive will soon be over, and he couldn't be happier. Talking with a glass in his hand was easier.

“Is there anything I can help you with, sir?” she asked brightly with a smile. 

"I am here because... Well, if I knew that such a stunning lady worked here, I would've come to see you," Jaejoong nodded and started to look around, trying to imagine what kind of flowers his mother would enjoy, "But today I am here because it is my mother's birthday tomorrow, and I have no idea what to get her. She kind of frowns at me when she sees that I just bought something in a rush. So I thought she deserves more, and that way I can get out of her being bitter at me the whole day," he chuckled, "Do you have any ideas what kind of a... what kind of bouquet would be appropriate? I trust your taste."

And he cracked a much needed smirk.

"So... how are you feeling today? How have you been doing recently, then?" he asked hesitantly as they were finally moving.

"Not little things. I’m sometimes a forgetful person either way, so it’s fine. Hm… how small is your limit, doc?" He asked, giving a small smile and let out a small chuckle. His eyes looking over at the small booklet and then at the other man.

"Uh, yeah, anyway," Jaejoong changed the subject. He took the little booklet -- it read Patient Diary on the cover -- and handed it over to Olivier, "If you open it, inside you'll see it asking you to tell what the event was, what you thought before it, and what you thought after it. Then what you found out. So, if you were about to go to a huge party, where you have to meet people. You may have worries about what is going to happen - like embarrassing yourself while introducing yourself to somebody. Then, write down what actually happened. You should find out that your original worries weren't necessarily even close to being correct. I think it would help you."