蓝

He hadn’t noticed the other being around until Lan Xichen spoke up, eyes widening a little in surprised before he turned his head, jade green eyes gazing over to the Lan cultivator. A smile crossed his lips before he stepped over, the two birds upon his shoulders seeming a bit interested into this man that their owner was walking over to- tilting their heads to the side before chirping lightly.

“Oh, not at all! I just have arrived here myself.” He spoke gently, clearly rather happy to see his friend- after all, how long has it been? Months? He wasn’t sure himself but Jinyu couldn’t care about it much at the moment.

“How about we go in, then? I’m sure it’d be better to talk over a cup of tea.”

{ ❧ } “Oh good, and yes, by all means, let us enter.” 

Lan Xichen gestured to the doorway, and soon enough the two of them would be seated. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his friend, especially given how lively he seemed. The addition of two bright-eyed little blue birds nestled on his shoulders was certainly new. He made a mental note to ask about them. From what he recalled, Jinyu had always loved birds, so seeing them accompanying him painted a fitting picture in the Lan cultivator’s eye.

He gazed at the hand extended out to him, then up at Lan Xichen’s face, then back down at the hand. It was clear that he was hesitant about it and that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to trust him but seeing that this man seemed a lot kinder than his parents, the child shook his head. Letting go of his hair, he reached out, hesitating once more before taking a hold of Lan Xichen’s hand- or at least, part of it.

“I-If it’s okay..?” He asked, looking back up. If it wasn’t, then he would simply go away.

{ ❧ } Lan Xichen’s smile only grew more gentle when the boy slowly, hesitantly took his hand.

“Of course it is. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt again or be as frightened as you were before.”

If any of his entourage would question why Zewu-Jun had a child in tow when he returned to the inn his group were staying in for the duration of their night hunt, Lan Xichen would simply explain. He would be taking this wayward child under his protection.

Plus, there was something else about the boy... something about him struck something in Lan Xichen, and he felt compelled to act when he saw the child’s suffering.

     Sighing, a hand raised to pinch the bridge of his nose - Mingjue hoped that Xichen couldn’t see the tremor of his fingers. After a moment of tense silence, his hand lowers again, and the Nie sect leader meets his sworn brother’s gaze with tired eyes, and nods. ❝If you think it might help, then please play for me.❞ He remembered the last time his dearest friend played the guqin for him, how much quieter his saber spirit had been after - prolonging the inevitable though it may be, Mingjue needed a bit of calm and quiet. He doubted he’d ever longed for it so much as he did now.

     Swallowing thickly, the tense silence returned as Lan Xichen spoke of Jinyu. Amber eyes shut again as a sigh is let out through his nose, and once they open again, his gaze is turned to the table, once more refusing to meet his sworn brother’s eyes. ❝He does deserve to know, but…❞ He trailed off for a moment, lip curling at the thought of what he was about to admit. ❝I’m afraid of telling him. Just as I’m afraid of what might become of him, should I die.❞ Mingjue’s brows draw together, mentally correcting himself - not should, when.

     He was afraid, and that made him feel weak.

     The tone with which Xichen spoke made his resolve waver, however. Mingjue sighed again, looking up from the table to his friend, though he still couldn’t quite meet his eyes. ❝I will tell him. I just need to think of how to.❞ How does one tell someone they care for so much that you’re going to die?

     After a pause, he finally meet that kind gaze. ❝But should he come to you and ask, I trust you to tell him.❞

{ ❧ } He most certainly did notice the tremor in his sworn brother’s actions, but he did not speak of it. A testing pluck of the guqin’s strings rose into the air. A clear, crisp sound, followed slowly by more gentle notes.

“I can understand your fear. After all, telling someone so dear to you of your eventual death is... certainly a difficult thing.” He spoke as he played, sighing gently when Mingjue met his gaze. Xichen’s steadfast, yet soft gaze carried with it his feelings of support toward the other man.

“However... if you cannot find the words, and if he does ask it of me... I will do my utmost to speak to him of it in your stead.” He added. It was the least he could do for his dearest friend.

The importance of the issue they were speaking of weighed heavily in Xichen’s dark eyes, but it left the melody rising from his fingertips untouched. No, the music was as it ever was when he played for the other: a gentle song that cleared the mind and soothed the heart and spirit. Thoughts of his sworn brother’s death did twist pain into Xichen’s heart, but he had long learned how to bury it. To deal with it in private, as was the way of most Lan. 

He kept his gaze upon the sect leader as he spoke.

Yet, once he finished, Jinyu couldn’t help but narrow his eyes once more, eyebrows furrowing down. Was he avoiding saying it flat out? All of this beating around the bush was more than irritating but the doctor kept himself from saying anything based on how he felt about the current situation. A sigh leaving him, the brunet shook his head, crossing his arms upon his chest.

His annoyance was not going to be hidden.

“Excuse my bluntness, Lan Xichen but I would appreciate if you got straight to the point instead of avoiding saying it flat out.” He spoke out, his tone was calm despite the look upon his face. “You asked for me to tell you how much I cared, I did. Then you shouldn’t be trying to still hide it. Else what would be the point of it? Do you still not trust it while you said you did?” Fingertips were drumming lightly against the fabric of his sleeves.

Not too long after he would stand up, arms dropping to his sides. That spark in those jade green eyes had left, replaced by a dull look into them. As if any kind of emotion had left them. 

“If I truly don’t deserve to know despite everything, then tell me and I’ll leave.” It was clear that he didn’t want to be wasting his time sitting here waiting to be told. At this rate, he felt like it would have been better if he had confronted Nie Mingjue from the start- after all, he was sure it wouldn’t have been that hard to get it out of him.

{ ❧ } Ah, that hit a nerve. Lan Xichen kept a calm demeanor, but there was apology in his eyes as he spoke again.

“It was never my intention to imply you don’t deserve to know. On the contrary, it was I who advocated for him to speak to you of this sooner rather than later... but you know how he can be.”

He sighed softly through his nose, then contined. 

“Your medical skill is incredible, and I just know your efforts to study the saber cultivation will go miles to aid the Nie sect. You have every right to know of this, and truth be told I have often thought to ask you for advice so that I might better stave off the inevitable, or at least ease his time before it...”

His gaze grew serious then, as if the very air around them seemed to hold its breath.

“...It is killing him, Jinyu. Slowly but surely, Mingjue will die of qi deviation due to his sect’s cultivation, it is merely a matter of when.” Lan Xichen’s gaze lowered a bit, a furrow of pain in his brow. 

{ ❧ } Lan Xichen’s gaze did not waver under Nie Mingjue’s own. His brows were knit, brown eyes keen with a determination to see to his dear sworn brother’s ills. And it seemed this steadfast care of his won him over yet again, as he watched the sternness of the other man relent. His tension lessened, but those sharp brows remained furrowed; no doubt due to his internal frustrations with the situation with his saber spirit, his sect, his numerous responsibilities... the list could go on. Lan Xichen knew Nie Mingjue did not like to seem weak, or to feel weak, so to be having worsening moments dealing with the energies of his saber was undoubtedly vexing to the other man.

But he would not have to face the fate of his Sect’s cultivation alone.

“Even if it might be prolonging the inevitable, I will still gladly ease some of your burdens, should it be within my power to do so, Mingjue-xiong.” He said, his hands coming to rest upon the guqin before him. But before his fingers could pluck the strings, he paused when he heard the other speak again.

“... Given how close you two have become, does he not deserve to know? I have seen his research firsthand; he seeks to help with your Sect’s cultivation, not hinder it.” Lan Xichen remarked, before continuing in a somewhat softer tone. 

Once Lan Xichen spoke, Jinyu’s eyes narrowed slightly.

Or at least, they did at his question.

‘How loyal are you to Sect Leader Nie?’ Those words struck him- and he knew better than let it affect him at this very moment. Gazing away, the medic remained silent for a moment, mulling over his words to formulate a proper answer- one that wouldn’t be seen as rushed and felt more from deep within his heart instead. He was glad to know that it wasn’t out of doubt, but simply that the Lan Sect leader wanted confirmation from Jinyu himself instead.

“There are many ways I could say this.” He paused, hand raising so that his index could tap lightly on his chin– a habit to show that he was thinking over it. So many ways but he didn’t want to say all of them, he had to be straightforward in his answer and it seemed a bit harder to achieve than one would think. Turning his head, green eyes gazed over once more, a spark of determination glittering within them.

“Considering everything that had happened before.” He trailed off for a moment, eyebrows furrowing down once again and lips were pressed into a thin line as he lowered his hand. 

“It isn’t something that you’d expect me to say, but if I had to prove it, you could say that I would die for him- for that he has given to me something that I do not even think possible in repaying back for.” A new chance at life, one without his previous affiliation with the Wen getting in the way. One where he could be himself and not another- and to see this man that he had now been cherishing for quite a while be like this, it pained him.

It pained him more than he would let be seen.

But it was in his nature, to care for others more than for himself.  To him, he considered it as a flaw, but he didn’t want to fall low like most people. Being selfish did not bring him joy, it only made him feel worse, guilty. 

Yet, everyone had flaws.

“I.. could say more but I don’t think that it’s necessary, is it?”

{ ❧ } Watching the emotional journey in Jinyu’s eyes gave Lan Xichen all the answer he needed, but to hear the words from the man’s own lips solidified it all. Jinyu cared as much, if not more so, for Nie Mingjue as Xichen himself did, and would never think to use the knowledge he was about to impart against him. 

“I think I can understand your feelings, my friend. But I thank you for accepting my request.” He said with a nod. While he did not want to weigh upon Jinyu’s heart any more heavily, the words he would have to say would undoubtedly do so greatly.

“...As I know you know, the Nie Sect’s cultivation makes use of spiritual weapons that possess particularly strong hostile energy and killing intent. This makes the Sect’s cultivation path a more violent one than other Sects’, but it is also dangerous for their wielders.”

Lan Xichen took a long breath. This was not easy for him to say, but if Nie Mingjue could not bring himself to, it fell to him. And knowing Jinyu only wished the best for his sworn brother, Lan Xichen felt more at ease with sharing it.

Where were his parents?

That was something he didn’t want to think about in the first place. With that mention, eyebrows were furrowed, head lowered a bit more and his gaze was cast elsewhere. He didn’t want to go back- not at all. Shaking his head, the child kept staring away from the man.

“Nn.. No.” He murmured, fingers idly playing with the strand of hair between them. “I-I don’t want to go back to them.” It almost looked like the child almost said ‘please’ after those words. Though, he doubted that he would understand and it wasn’t like he was willing to show why he didn’t want to.

{ ❧ } He paused at that. The boy was terribly frightened by something; the look in his eyes showed no deception, the fear was absolutely genuine and it was so potent that Lan Xichen thought the boy was almost trembling on the spot.

His brows knit slightly, noting the just barely hidden bandages under the edges of the child’s clothing. Somewhat frayed and stained, the bandages seemed to imply something foul. Was this child being hurt? Is that why he showed such fear at the mere mention of his parents? As much as the child tried to hide it, those green eyes showed his inner turmoil and fear as plainly as a clear sky.

Lan Xichen very gently reached out, palm up, offering a supportive hand to the boy.

{ ❧ } “Ah, Jinyu, please come in!” The First Jade called, rising from where he was seated when the other man entered. But when he noticed the somber look on Jinyu’s face, his smile lessened slightly. Jinyu seldom looked so grim, so whatever it was, it must be serious. 

He chuckled lightly at Lan Xichen’s words, hand lowering from his collar to lean upon his arm, still smiling brightly at the other before he would lean up slightly when his lips were captured again. He missed this- all of it. Being close to his beloved, the feeling of his arms around him, how calm it felt just being in his presence- it felt as if nothing could hurt him. Or, something akin to that. 

Pulling away once more after a long moment, Jinyu leaned his head against the Lan sect leader’s shoulder, eyelids falling shut, a peaceful look on his face. He was content now- very content. Fingertips lightly drumming against the fabric covering Lan Xichen’s arm, a soft sigh dropped from his lips.

“You are well aware that I would show you, but..” He paused so that he could open his eye to glance up. “You’re the one always fretting over me, making sure that I don’t hurt myself with whatever I want to do..~” Jinyu spoke with light amusement coating his words once more, his hand moving down for a moment before lifting up, reaching to cup the side of Lan Xichen’s face.

“I’m fine here, like this, in your arms..”

{ ❧ } Lan Xichen chuckled from the mirth in Jinyu’s tone; it was a soft sound, floating in the air between them like a bird upon a breeze. 

“I am aware, but you know I cannot help my fretting...” 

His eyes were earnest, their dark depths holding far more than just the feelings of love for his husband. There was the ache there; one that had taken root when news first came of Jinyu’s mysterious disappearance. The ache that crawled deeper in Xichen’s heart as he thought him dead all these years, the ache that festered as he continued to lose each of those he had sworn to care for and protect...

The ache that had slowly begun to heal now, knowing that was not the case, and that the man now resting here, safe in his arms, was truly not some dream of a grief-stricken mind.

This ache, this memory of grief fell away as Jinyu’s palm cupped Xichen’s cheek, and he nuzzled against the contact immediately. This sweetness, this privilege he had to be with Jinyu once more, after everything... he cherished every moment. 

He sighed with contentment, all tension leaving his body as he embraced the other closer.

The younger man’s words clarified the matter. After all, to have the fierce corpse of his former sworn brother lumbering after them, there must have been a great deal of demonic cultivation involved indeed. But what Lia Ruan added also struck the Lan cultivator.

‘It’s not like you.’

It truly wasn’t. The Jinyu he had befriended all those years ago, even in such tumultuous times... he wasn’t like this. Had he really changed so much? But given the state of his body, and apparently the state of his mind, there had been much that had happened during the time where he was thought to be dead.

“Thank you, for this.” He said with a grateful nod toward Ruan as he gently helped Jinyu to sit. How stiffly he seemed to move. “I... am regrettably unschooled in these matters, so your insight is much appreciated. However...” 

The Lan Sect leader paused. He wasn’t quite sure how he could approach the subject that he had overheard them mention his name earlier. But, given all the strangeness of these circumstances, he might as well just take the plunge.

Surprise was clear upon his features at Lan Xichen’s words for a moment before his expression softened, his smile touching his eyes. If the other said anything else, Jinyu feared that he would end up with his cheeks reddening from it. To be allowed to talk about something that he did for a living and was so passionate about it, it was something that he had been rarely able to do without being told off about it- so for Zewu-jun to be fine with it, it meant a lot to the medic.

If anything, now he could almost be compared to an excited puppy.

“Ah, but Lan Xichen, I might be able to help with that!” He paused in his words, having taken a few steps ahead before turning to face the Lan sect leader, a brighter smile upon his lips. “After all, you only need to learn how to control your strength, right? If Chifeng-zun can, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that you would be able to, too!” If there was one thing that Jinyu had noted, it was the amount of times that he had managed to not get a broken bone if Nie Mingjue so decided to nudge him, be it because of anything.

His hands went to his hips, an eyebrow raising.

“That is.. only if you want to try, of course.”

{ ❧ } The sight of Jinyu’s expression lighting up like that was quite a sight indeed; his enthusiasm for his passion was positively infectious. Even with his concern over his strength, with Jinyu’s instruction Xichen felt perhaps he could very well take to learning such things. 

And here the medic was, inviting him to give it a try. He gave a soft laugh through his nose and nodded, smiling warmly in return.

“With such glowing encouragement, how can I say no? And even more so if I may further help Chifeng-zun as well as my own fellow cultivators by learning such knowledge.” He paused to adjust his sleeves, beaming at Jinyu with a look that seemed more befitting an eager young disciple than a serene Sect Leader. He raised his hands in a polite gesture, and with a lighthearted tone, declared:

{ ❧ } Lan Xichen was startled by the sudden collision with his leg, turning around to find a small child… cowering in fear? Of him? His look of surprise turned instantly to one of concern. Those big, green eyes –such oddly striking eyes, at that– were wide and quickly moistening with barely held back tears of fright. The poor child was even shaking! What could have caused him to be so scared?

He slowly knelt beside the boy, gently helping him to his feet before lightly brushing off the dirt from his clothes where he’d fallen.