The Jade Plant Project

My abuser:

I have now realized I can restrict registration, so I am posting the trauma survivors forum link publicly. 

I know a few people have brought up confusion over messaging me to get the link. 

After registering, you will not be able to see everything because I need to approve new members. This just allows me to keep this place as safe as I can. Please make sure to tell me a little about yourself in the “request registration” message. If you want to poke me on Tumblr to go approve you, you can do so. 

This forum is for survivors of ANY trauma. 

There are trauma sections that are specifically for trauma chat. There are also general chats. This is so if people want to talk about trauma, they can, but can also still talk to the community in the general section and avoid discussing trauma if they are not up to it for any reason.

And one of the things that struck me while i was talking about what this painting means to me is just how deep the wound is when people say the abuse you suffered made you a better person.

I hate it when people try and tell me how my trauma made me better, made me good. It feels like a justification, that it was worth it because it improved me. I hate the way it makes me feel when people tell me that it made me kind, because the implication is there that i would have been cruel otherwise. When you say ‘but think about all the people you are helping now’ you’re saying i wouldnt have cared.  What you’re telling me when you say it made me a better person is that abuse saved me from being a bad one. that the people who made me suffer were actually doing me a favour. But not only that, when you tell me that it made me better, that it made me good, that it made me strong and kind and caring. it feels like you’re saying that maybe if i had been better, stronger, kinder… maybe it wouldn’t have needed to be done. If i was a better person, i wouldn’t have had to suffer to fix me like this. If i was these things to begin with i wouldn’t have deserved it. if i was good enough they wouldn’t have hurt me.

bad people do awful things to vulnerable people. Not people who deserve it, not because they are some kind of force of nature using violence to bless people with kindness. but because they can get away with it. Because they want to. Because they’re fucking awful human beings who like causing pain. thats it.