Jack The Mimic

I cracked up at ‘it means I’m allergic to dairy products’ 

The best I want to reblog this everytime I see it

Proving that whales are smarter than people.

Who's bright Idea was it to name him/her "Iceberg" and not MOBY DICK???

what if you boarded a plane and a band member sat down next to you

This has probably happened to quite a few people. most people don't know how many band members are just trying to get a gig that puts them on the map. some have to fly there.

Deflate when writing prose; inflate when writing essays for school.

Procrastinating on finding ways to add one page to my essay to get the page requirement! Thank you so much.

Thanks man

I’m not in school anymore, but here.

Inflation is not just for school, it is about literary timing. In comedic writing you may want to throw in an overly lengthy description just to have it discarded by a character to give a sense of comedic writing. Inflation is also a fantastic way to emphasize importance which is what the first point plays off of.

Mine is "Scotch inadequacy"

you can’t be a bisexual if you’ve never dated a girl. all bisexuals must submit proof of dating history before becoming fully licensed and must be registered to continue practicing bisexuality. please renew your licence every 5 years to avoid reclassification as hetero- or homosexual and to remain eligible for our annual picnic and raffle.

If you have only had sex with ugly people that's to whom you are attracted. You can't be attracted to beautiful people if you haven't had sex with them. You now are aware of your asinine position.

holy shit I thought that was a fucking dinosaur

I kno what the heck

Welcome to Canada.

A truck driving friend of mine hit a moose in the winter, the truck was totaled, the moose? He got up and walked away.

Okay, but seriously. If you’re ever considering sexy times with a guy and he tells you that he can’t wear a condom there is a 100.3% chance that he is a liar, and you should definitely not have sex with him. Don’t have sex with liars. Have sex with a cute honest people that bring you ice cream the next morning. Liars do not bring you ice cream. And if they do it’s ice cream made of lies. Ice cream made of lies is very emotionally unfulfilling. Don’t trust liars or their disease-ridden ice cream.

that was the best safe-sex talk ever.

Why I am suspicious of those who say they got pregnant because a condom “broke”… 

HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER USED A CONDOM. HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD SEX YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CONDOMS. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m sick of this shit. Just because a condom has a tensile force high enough to withstand inflation does not mean it can comfortably fit any penis. No one wants latex literally stretched against a boner like it is in this pic. A condom that is too small causes added friction which can lead to the condom tearing. If someone tells you it is too small, you LISTEN. YOU DO NOT HAVE RAW SEX WITH THEM. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING. YOU GO BUY A MAGNUM. There are even sizes above that. SO NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO SAY THAT A PERSON CANNOT WEAR ANY CONDOMS BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FIT IN CERTAIN SIZES. And whoever the fuck said they don’t believe condoms break is literally fucking stupid as hell. You didn’t even try to think you slut shaming ignorant ass. Condoms do not break from things not fitting in them. They break due to frictional forces without sufficient lubricant and air bubbles trapped in the reservoir tip that push through the latex upon ejaculation. Proper application requires that the tip be pinched to remove this air while it is rolled down the shaft. Very few people know this due to the rampant lack of appropriate sex ed. Proper condom application technique and education is crucial to effective birth control and STI protection. So before you go spouting your ignorant crap, how bout you think about your penised partner and the overall function of a condom and try to spread real education rather than shaming people.

^A little forceful but correct, I've had a condom break due to ill fit, I also got an apadravya, which causes more problems without proper lubrication.

And this is how we should teach our daughters to respond to non wanted sexual advancements. I would’ve bought her an ice cream

This little boy who you are accusing of being a sexual predator has quick enough wit to take advantage of a sport stadium’s kiss cam and make a two staged joke than you have sense to watch a single gif and make sense of it. Congratulations, a 5 year old is smarter than you.

Is that 2 Pac?

the internet, ladies and gentlemen

Suddenly thousands of Feminists cried out and were suddenly silenced.

Rape, By The Numbers.

everyone needs to see this graphic

Boost.

If they are never reported how would you know they are rapists?