Simple and Plain

How…how could it not?  How could it not matter?  [wipes her eyes on his shirt and sniffles as she slowly calms down again] I don’t want to go to sleep, I did a bad thing, I don’t want to go to sleep, please can you make some Jell-O tomorrow?

Well, honestly, because I don't really care. I don't even understand what's happening here but other than this hysterical show, you look fine to me and I look fine to me, so whatever else doesn't really matter. [shrugs his shoulders then tightens his arms around her, standing up] Maybe not, but I want to go to sleep and you don't really have a choice about whether you're going with me. Stay awake if you want, it won't do you any good. I can make jell-O, but if I will or, that's another thing entirely. 

[does not confirm or deny what he’s saying bc the baby was fake to begin with, just starts to cry again while she gathers the cold water] The baby is dead, it’s gone, it’s dead.  Dead baby.  [pours the cold water in the jug and stirs it for a little, listening to what he’s saying and stops when he says the thing about dying, crying harder and hugging him where he sits] Don’t, don’t say that, it’s not funny, please don’t die, I killed the baby.

Does it really matter? [gives up and wraps his arms around her] I'm thinking that it's a no on the jell-O front. I'm not going to die, idiot. Maybe it's time for you to go to sleep.

Not a baby, the baby, my baby, my baby, the baby [doesn’t know how to explain it more so just flutters her hand in front of her stomach] It’s my fault, I did it, I’m sorry, I killed it.  [sits there for a minute and then gets up to get the cold water, still mumbling about the baby] I can’t…I want Jell-O, the red kind for Christmas but…the baby.

Okay, I'm going to try and listen to this shit for a minute, so, what you're trying to say is that you were at one point having a baby and you've somehow killed it, is that what you're attempting to express to me right now? [sits down in a confused huff because she wouldn't just make the jell-O and shut up] Well, maybe if you went a bit faster you'd get the god damn Jell-O before the 25th of December, look [taps the jug] Right there, there's your red jell-O, come on, speed up a bit and it won't take another three days for you to get to eat it. The baby's dead, or at least that's what I'm getting from this but you know who's not? Me, but if I don't get this jell-O soon then I might be.

I’d read it

Sorry to break it to you but it's never gunna be real so your thoughts are wasted.

Oh, the things I do in order to keep our room clean. And for presents. You’re lucky I like presents so much, you know. I’ll be up to help in like ten minutes, and I expect to find some snacks and a nice hot cup of tea awaiting my arrival.

You mean you wouldn't just do this because of the goodness in your heart and the love you have for me, no matter how well hidden it is? That's just a major downer on this festive season. Umm, snacks I can do, tea, no, I don't even think I can get this superglue off my hand, which is coincidentally joint to a present so on the whole kettle front, it's a no from me.

Don’t be so dramatic! It’s not that difficult… Unless you have to left hands.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE HARDSHIPS OF A BAD WRAPPER, EVERY YEAR I DREAD THIS MOMENT, I WANT TO DIE, I HATE THIS LIFE. WHY ME. WHY AM I CURSED.

[doesn’t really listen to what he’s saying but calms down a little bit bc his babbling is so familiar] The baby, I killed…I killed the baby, I’m a horrible person how could I kill the baby oh God I deserve to die, please just kill me, I killed the baby, I killed it, this is my fault, my baby the baby, I killed…I killed the baby.

[continues to mix the jell-O then puts the jug down on the counter and walks over] Izzy, I'm pretty sure there was no baby to kill else I'll be pretty worried right about now, but hey, even if there was, we all make mistakes... [kisses her quickly on the lips to make her stop talking] Now shut up and go get some cold water else this jell-O's never gunna be made, throwing it on the floor didn't really help.

But if you don’t make the room a mess then I’ll have no reason to harm you in any way and I can stay in Santa’s good books and all will be right in the world. 

Maybe if a certain roommate helped me wrap then there'd be less mess and maybe, just maybe, Santa will even bring her more gifts.

There’s shops that wraps up presents for you.

But how would that show my love and care?

Making a mess…I’m ruining the kitchen, I killed….what’s wrong with me, how could I be…Jace, what’s wrong with me?

Ah, it's fine, [bends down and puts some things back into the counter not paying much attention he takes out a new jug and puts jell-O powder in it before looking back at her still preoccupied] Dude, I really don't know, you look wired, throwing jell-O all over the place, are you tripping or something? I should of known there was something wrong with you, you did actually agree to be my girlfriend at one point, that's always a bad sign. [Starts pouring in some water, calmly at the other side of the kitchen] So, tell me more about all this killing you've been doing, I'm interested now. If it makes you feel better, I stabbed your best friend in the stomach once, doesn't really get much worse than that.

If you leave our room in a state I will wrap you up and tie the ribbon around you so tight that you can’t unwrap yourself and end up suffocating, just thought I’d give you a nice little warning.

Well, then you won't be getting any presents from Santa this year.

You could buy gift bags…

Is that some kind of sick joke?

Instead of wrapping, you could put them in bags?

Yeah, I could just put them in gift bags or I could shit all over them then shove them under the door of the recipient, it'd basically be the same thing.

Positivity from Jace: an autobiography. Chapter one: It’s not possible

Chapter 2: Please attend my funeral because this book is a pile of shit.

[standing in the kitchen, mixing red Jell-O when all of a sudden she stops and stands still for a minute before sweeping everything off the counter and on to the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs]

What the hell are you doing? [he says as he fails to catch the billion things falling to the floor]