jelly elaine

I like to observe the hands of men I find attractive. It’s just a little visual treat for me, something I will openly stare at, unashamed because a man’s hands just do it for me.

I love to watch the way their hands close around something causing their forearms to flex. It draws attention to their (usually) thicker arm hair, giving me an idea if they might have hair on their chest or not, and chest hair is basically my catnip.

vulnerability, hope, + reciprocity: a mix CD

I’ve been wanting to make mix CDs for awhile but I haven’t felt inspired or had resources to make them.

UNTIL…

One of my favorite coworkers has a road trip coming up. One of things we bond over is music! So…why not make him a mix cd.

I spent hours attempting to curate the perfect mix. From rearranging songs to listening it over and over again, I took on and off so many variations. It was so fun!!!

And since I’m extra sometimes, I couldn’t help but add my own flare. I took apart a CD I found for 99 cents and harvested the case, where I then designed my own mix CD cover.

Is this kind of dumb and silly to do for a coworker? Maybe. But if they have any chance of being my friend, they need to understand that, while sweet and kind, I’m also intense.

I love hard and I love deep. This applies to all kinds of love…familial, platonic, and so on and so forth. Some people like it when some people don’t.

BUT!!! Back to the point…isn’t this neat?

Entranced by your dance

Stealing a glance

Containing the flame

A need to keep this tame

Hovering my hand a delectable sin

Your warmth grazes my skin

Any closer and I’ll burn

All I can do is yearn

Heart that races

A desire to take you to my places

The ones in dark

Careful not to spark

Can’t handle your heat

The pain too sweet

Don’t let me smother your light

Maybe it’s a promise

Maybe it’s just fun

Maybe it’s a commitment

Maybe it’s just convenient

Wrapping my mouth around

Melting the flourish on my tongue

Savoring my special treat

Testing the give between my teeth

I take my time

Every moment counts

Filling me

Nourishing me

Indulgence rendering me speechless

Again. And Again. And Again.

Here’s what’s been sitting in my drafts. I never finished these for some reason or another and I can’t return to that exact moment in time to complete them. Despite this, I still feel like these are important enough to me to share.

I explained “look!!! They all love each other. Isn’t it nice to see love happening? It’s really fun, huh?” And then I gave her a kiss and told her that I loved her.

The funny thing is that I kept waiting for the right moment. The moment I got my life together or the moment I felt I had something really important to say but a dear friend of mine gave me some really excellent insight. Done is better than perfect.

If you stumble across this blog, I want you to be aware of a few things: I just turned 36. I live in the American South, which I have very complicated feelings about. I’m queer with non traditional views on relationships, both romantic and platonic. I have been diagnosed with bipolar II, anxiety, ptsd, and at one point I had pretty intense nightmares. Since the beginning of 2025, I have experienced a lot of loss and change which has been really hard on me. I’m in love, not only with my partner but my friends. I have a very special bond with my dog and my cat. I enjoy quiet hobbies like music, puzzling, crafting, sketching, learning, reading, and writing. Finally, my favorite thing to do is connect with others.