subtle skies

Stay with someone who makes everything feel endless even when you know that everything is temporary.

This year moving forward, I plan on going to more concerts, reading more books, and making more phone calls to voices that have become unfamiliar over the past years. I want to experience traveling on my own, and perhaps make an effort to finally meet friends I’ve only ever known at a distance. I also think it’s about time I start learning to be more aggressive with my work ethic and modest about my capabilities. But most importantly, this year moving forward, I need to learn the art of investing more time in less people. And with those select few, to be more generous with my heart and most frugal with my animosity.

I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything.

I try to fall asleep hoping I’ll feel differently in the morning. And so far, I’ve only woken up with disappointment and the same aching in my chest from the night before. I try to tell myself that it’s just my insomnia keeping me stagnant in pure consciousness.  But even with every part of me that denies it – it’s you.  When alcohol turns my blood thin and my speech slurred, you’re the only thought that I can articulate clearly.  When I believe that I’d be content with spending the rest of my life alone, you’re the one who changes my mind. When I could swim across the sea without taking a rest, you’re the one I still forget to breathe around. When I need a tangible explanation for absolutely everything, you’re the one I can’t ever be logical about. With these open arms, my heart is yours, and I’ve been so homesick since you shut your doors.  And it’s you.  This is it for me. Because it’s still you. I’m afraid it always has been.

When you left me in the spring, a part of me died and came back to life in the waterfalls of Niagara that you loved to watch in the summertime. Then came November, where I became an autumn leaf that swayed off of a tree, and perfectly down your path just moments before I hit the ground. And in the winter, I manifested into a snowflake that melted onto your tongue, despite the fact that you can’t stand the cold. It just goes to show that no matter how much time has passed, I’ve never quite ceased to fall for you.

We all need a friend who’ll sit with us in silence when words won’t work.